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Oliver Willis Profile picture
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15 Apr, 4 tweets, 2 min read
the race war guys never seem to contemplate a scenario where they lose and Urkel becomes King of America
BOW BEFORE YOUR BLACK SOVEREIGN GOD
"say it"
"but king urkel..."
"i said, say it"
"did i--"
"i can't hear you"
"DID I DO THAT?"
*blam*
Begin Now The Reign Of King Urkel I.
All women are now known as "Laura."
All men are "Carl."
So it is written.

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More from @owillis

Oliver Willis Profile picture
15 Apr
wall street journal goes full jacobin
this is illustrative of how there are simply no core principles to conservatism. its just "whatever."
liberals keep punching it at like "this cognitive dissonace will ruin them." but its like hitting the blob. there's nothing to hit and you just end up stuck.
Read 5 tweets
Oliver Willis Profile picture
15 Apr
not tired of all the winning folks 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸⭐️⭐️⭐️
A strong man, powerful man, very rough man, he comes up to me and he says "sir, jobless claims will be over 700,000 sir" and I say "make it lower. make it 576k" and he says "sir, we cannot do that sir," and I told him you go back there and you do it.
And now the initial jobless claims are 576k, 200k lower than before. People are opening up, folks. Your 401k is so beautiful like you wouldn't believe. So the man comes up to me, tears in his eyes - this is a strong, powerful man - and he says "thank you sir."
Read 4 tweets
Oliver Willis Profile picture
14 Apr
we should go back to old timey overly descriptive book titles and headlines

An Account Of President Biden's Address To The Nation In Which He Detailed Plans For The Withdrawal Of Troops From Afghanistan, From Whence They Have Been At War For Twenty Years
Representative Matthew Gaetz Defends Himself Against Charges Most Foul Involving Allegations Of Indecent Behavior With Minors And The Transfer Of Funds For Illegal Purposes
A Sordid Tale Involving The Issue Of Conservancy With Ms. Britney Spears, A Singer Of Songs With International Appeal
Read 4 tweets
Oliver Willis Profile picture
14 Apr
speaking of american history, im late to the party as usual but "the warmth of other suns" really made think for the first time how the south-to-north migration of blacks was really like immigrants from another country going to a new land.
in an odd way many of the experiences they relate in the book were very identifiable to me, as the child of an immigrant (my cousins and i are the first generation of native-born americans, and we're on the verge of the third generation about to be born sometime this year)
theres a really great section where wilkerson discusses how european immigrants could just change their names to be americanized and more accepted, whereas if you're black in mississippi you're still black in detroit and no name change can fix how you were treated
Read 6 tweets
Oliver Willis Profile picture
14 Apr
re last RT we're back to conservatives pretending factual statements about the racist origins of america are made-up outrages
this is a side casualty of fairy tale history, where we're taught that the founders are as flawless as jesus himself, and floated down from heaven to give us america. imo its unamerican to pretend these very real and flawed people were deities.
conservatives largely believe in the version of american history you learn in kindergarten and not much more than that. george washington with a tree, crossing a river, making america, yada yada mlk gave a speech and everyone was happy
Read 5 tweets
Oliver Willis Profile picture
14 Apr
its weird how the military is so much like a kid playing a video game who keeps asking for 5 more minutes so they can beat the game and mom/dad keep telling him to go to bed

(except people are dying)
"ok wrap up your invasion of afghanistan"
"five more minutes, i almost have a full democracy"
"you said that 18 years ago"
Read 6 tweets

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