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Noam Blum 🦉 Profile picture
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20 Apr, 4 tweets, 1 min read
Two bullies decide to go beat up their favorite nerd. Bully A says "what will be our excuse this time?" Bully B says "if he answers the door wearing a hat, we'll beat him up for wearing a hat, and if he isn't wearing one, we'll beat him up for not wearing one." 1/4
So they go to the nerd's house and knock on the door. He opens it up and isn't wearing a hat. So they yell at him for not wearing a hat and beat him up. A couple of days later they get bored and decide to go beat him up again. A asks "so what'll our excuse be this time?" 2/4
B says "let's ask him for a drink. If he brings it with ice we'll beat him up for putting ice in it and if there's no ice we'll beat him up for serving us a warm drink." They go to the nerd's house and ask for a drink. The nerd says "would you like ice in it?" 3/4
The bullies stare awkwardly at each other for a second and then Bully B says "wait a second... Where's your fucking hat?" 4/4

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More from @neontaster

Noam Blum 🦉 Profile picture
22 Apr
One underdiscussed engine of Twitter toxicity is the morbid fear people have of admitting they were wrong about something, and it's not entirely their fault. Twitter provides very little space for people to change their minds and offers very little encouragement to do so.
Put more succinctly:
No, you're right, which is why I don't accept that dodge unless the person took an L publicly before changing their position. I always discuss changing my opinion on something openly rather than quietly reverse my stance.
Read 5 tweets
Noam Blum 🦉 Profile picture
20 Apr
It's about controlling the discourse surrounding things by term policing them so that the starting point of any debate is already tilted substantially in their direction. For instance, the term "gender affirmation surgery" presupposes that you're affirming gender by doing it.
It also reminds me of the old Carlin bit about adding syllables to a word to distance it from any kind of emotional impact. We went from "sex change" (two syllables) to "gender affirmation surgery" (nine syllables).
Nothing, except that you can't argue that it doesn't necessarily do that if you're only allowed to call it that.
Read 4 tweets
Noam Blum 🦉 Profile picture
18 Apr
My area masked so heavily that you would definitely get nasty looks for being outside unmasked for at least the past six months. That attitude is totally gone now. At least half don't do it and the other people don't seem to mind. I'm down to wearing it only where I have to.
Dog park is the one place I would really like to not have to wear it but it's part of the city's mask mandate and we all just grit our teeth and carry on with it.
The one scenario where I end up wearing it outside is if I'm going from my car to some place indoors and am too lazy to take it off for two minutes and then put it back on lol
Read 4 tweets
Noam Blum 🦉 Profile picture
17 Apr
The latest thing that is now problematic: Use of the "phobia" suffix.
Wait, it's not even that. It's about shaming kids with food allergies???
"Fuck you fuck you you're literally murdering my children" is not mild annoyance, sir.
Read 4 tweets
Noam Blum 🦉 Profile picture
16 Apr
OK for the first time since I got doge I'm thinking about cashing out... OTOH it doesn't look like we've reached peak yet. #FamousLastWords
I said thinking about it.
My initial investment is small enough to lose it all and not give a shit. But that small investment is starting to be worth a large enough chunk for it to be a fun cash out.
Read 4 tweets
Noam Blum 🦉 Profile picture
9 Apr
Elon Musk promises 20 futuristic things for every one decidedly non-futuristic thing he delivers on, but that one thing has a futuristic coat of paint on it and the other 20 promises make it feel like it's more innovative than it actually is. It's a (successful) branding scheme.
Elon Musk: We will colonize Mars and wire our brains into virtual reality and live forever!

Also Elon Musk: Here's an electric car driving in a subway tunnel.
And yeah I'll happily eat my words if he delivers, just like I was happy to eat my words if he had delivered those ventilators he promised to produce. And yet, my words remain uneaten.
Read 4 tweets

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