Thread by @JayWhistler

Welcome to my final #RevPit #10Queries for this contest! First, a summary of my submission age categories & genres, a guide to abbreviations, then some general observations.

My abbreviations:

MG=Middle Grade
YA=Young Adult

💖=Romance
📆=Contemporary
⏳=Historical
🕵🏽‍♀‍=Mystery
😱=Thriller/Horror

Q=Query
M=Manuscript

#RevPit #10Queries

I will not indicate whether I would/would not request because I had too many that I wanted to request and can’t have them all. Instead, I’m giving tips on what I like and what could be improved. #RevPit #10Queries

Now for general observations that apply to many (but not all) queries. #RevPit #10Queries

My recommended order of ¶s: MS summary (can be 2¶s), then MS info (word count, comp titles, why you are subbing to this agent/editor, etc.), then bio. This isn’t set in stone, but it’s what I find works. #RevPit #10Queries

Shorter is usually better, so I recommend about 250 words for MS summary, 500 words total. Again, not a hard and fast rule, just a reminder to keep it tight. #RevPit #10Queries

Remember to include MC’s internal & external goals, show what is at stake if MC doesn’t achieve goals. What will they LOSE? If they don’t achieve goals but haven’t lost anything, life stays the same. Status quo=no stakes, no tension. #RevPit #10Queries

Don’t let simple errors lead to a rejection. Consider a free grammar checker like Grammarly or ProWritingAid. #RevPit #10Queries

After this year’s #RevPit winners are announced, I will reach out to everyone whose MS I used for both rounds of #10Queries to let you know which were yours.

Time for the submissions. So here we go! #RevPit #10Queries

Q1: YA📆
❤️ that this is #OwnVoices. MC has A goal, but is it THE goal? Unclear. Also not sure what is at stake if that goal is unfulfilled. How does antagonist stand in MC’s way? Feels like maybe too many sources of conflict. Good MS data & bio ¶s. #RevPit #10Queries

M1: That opening line!!🤣 Establishes voice immediately. This MC is going to be someone special. #RevPit #10Queries

Q2: MG⏳🕵🏽‍‍
MS summary gets lost in the middle of query. Move it to beginning and expand. Good ticking ⏰. First sent. of summary has good shock value, but what does it have to do w/rest of story? Bio ¶ is good, but move to end. Any comp titles? #RevPit #10Queries

M2: That first sentence hooked me right away. And then immediately into action. Good! Would prefer the MC solves the problem on their own. That could reveal some character and set expectations. #RevPit #10Queries

Q3: YA😱
One of the best queries of the bunch. Internal & external goals, stakes, tension. Good comp titles, great bio. Not sure I could improve it much! #RevPit #10Queries

M3: Love manuscripts that start in media res. So much tension here! It’s easy to mistake action for tension, and this doesn’t make that error. Some character building here, even amid the action. Solid pages. #RevPit #10Queries

Q4: YA💖
😍 to see #OwnVoices queer 💖! Unsure what MC’s internal goal is, how it affects external. What's at stake if MC doesn’t achieve either? Seems MC would still have status quo. What MC would LOSE? That’s the source of tension. Good bio! #RevPit #10Queries

M4: So cringe-y, in the best possible way. We immediately FEEL for this MC, like, been there, done that super embarrassing thing! All great character building. Maybe a bit more setting of where MC is in this moment? #RevPit #10Queries

Q5: YA📆
Dang, this is some heavy stuff. I wonder if maybe it’s too heavy for YA? Even one of the comps is an adult title. Regardless, clear stakes here, without a doubt. Lots of tension! Nice bio. #RevPit #10Queries

M5: Good character building for both POV characters in these pages. Huge time gap has me concerned. Is this intentional? Will we see more of these days as flashbacks later? Info dumps in beginning aren’t good, but neither is keeping readers in the dark. #RevPit #10Queries

Time to top off my tea on this chilly day. Might sneak in a snuggle from my pup. Back in a jif. #RevPit #10Queries

What are you doing to manage your #RevPit #10Queries stress? Because tea and doggos are great for this.

Or cats (still miss my girl every day). #RevPit #10Queries

Okay, intermission over! #RevPit #10Queries

Q6: YA🕵🏽‍♀‍
I love a good ticking ⏰. Creates immediate tension! Nice stakes here. MC’s internal & external goal are obvious. Good comp titles. This should pique someone’s curiosity! #RevPit #10Queries

M6: Unclear about the genesis of group. How might you make group feel more organic so it doesn’t feel as if it’s solely a jumping off point for the plot? Readers are savvy and know when something feels “off.” But voice is good and I like this MC so far! #RevPit #10Queries

Q7: MG🕵🏽‍‍
Strong query w/internal & external goals, lots of potential for tension, and clear stakes. Good comp titles, and solid bio ¶. I also like that the MC’s voice comes through a bit in the query. #RevPit #10Queries

M7: This is one voice-y MS, and I devoured these pages. Good character building and setting details. Great chapter hook to pull reader forward. #RevPit #10Queries

Q8: MG⏳🕵🏽‍‍
Good internal goal. What is external goal? What are stakes if MC cannot achieve goals? Love the comp titles. Makes me want to sit down with☕️ and read in one sitting. #RevPit #10Queries

By the way, no idea why the ♀️ symbol has cropped up in some genres. It is a weird glitch that has nothing to do with genre. Please ignore! #RevPit #10Queries

M8: Oh, this poor MC! Life was bad enough and it just got so much worse. The reader immediately connects. This disaster reveals character, creates stakes, and establishes setting. Nails the vibe of the comp titles. #RevPit #10Queries

Q9: YA😱
An intriguing concept! What is the external goal? Wanting something not to happen is not the same as acting. What does the MC want/need to DO? Also, can you cut the summary down to no more than three paragraphs or ≅250 wds? #RevPit #10Queries

M9: This opening establishes immediately the MC does not have a typical family dynamic. And it sets up an emotional wound that will impact internal and external goals. Helps connect reader to MC as a result. #RevPit #10Queries

Q10: MG🕵🏽‍
Love the concept, esp. b/c it introduces a social justice concept to MG audience. Bio shows you are qualified to tell this story. Need to understand how the problem belongs to MC, though. Literally anyone else could take care of this, right? #RevPit #10Queries

M10: Prologue has lots of action & tension. If it’s trying to make up for a lack of both in Ch. 1, might be better to rework Ch 1 w/more tension & hint at stakes? How important is it the two MCs meet now? Could they already be friends, get to action sooner? #RevPit #10Queries

And that's a wrap on my final round of #RevPit #10Queries for this contest. See you Monday for the announcements!

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