Thread by @IjeomaOo

Let’s talk about tone policing Black girls and women. In short, don’t do it. But here is a thread on it.

Yes, even I get tone-policed. But I recognize it immediately and put an end to it. Leaving the perpetrator with references to self-reflect on their actions towards me. I do this as a way to protect other Black females from going through this.

Tone policing has everything to do with the receiver. You perceive this person’s email, text, verbal exchange with you, or non-verbal cues to be “threatening”, “aggressive”, or “mean” based on your own preconceived thoughts and negative views of them.

Some words of advice: the moment you feel “attacked” by a Black girl or woman’s words, do some self-reflection first. Remember that we as a society are conditioned to believe that Black girls and women are rude, dangerous and incapable of being seen as innocent.

Before you try to report this Black girl or women, or try to reprimand, or even worse...actually approach this person yourself on how you felt about their “tone”, Consider first that the problem is you and not them.

consider that this person has been tone-policed all their lives by no fault of theirs and all due to racism. You will not be making the problem better, you will make it worse and add to their fear of not being comfortable talking or voicing an opinion

and they will not feel like a valued member of the team because of fear that they will be seen as aggressive or hurt your feelings if they continue to interact with you

I want to emphasize that tone-policing, can be very dangerous and is based on negative racial-gender stereotypes of Black girls and women. These feelings regarding our tone or behavior can lead to the justification of killing us, raping us, suspending or firing us

That’s the end of my TEDx talk. If you would like to learn more about tone-policing or gendered racism, email [e-mail] to book a training.

Trust me, we don’t want to hurt your feelings or attack you. Most Black girls and women (and also males too) walk on eggshells to avoid being tone-policed—but it still happens no matter what we do.