Dolapo Oni Profile picture
4 May, 17 tweets, 4 min read
Dear young one, relationships are work. While a lot of focus is often placed on personality, compatibility and finance, not enough is said about how much these things change over time as we go through life's phases. Just as we have the 4 seasons for weather, life has its own too.
I read a saying once that a man marries a woman because he thinks she'll remain the same while a woman marries a man because she thinks she can change him. And we often find that when we do get married, nothing could be farther from the truth. The man won't change his ways...
neither does the woman stay the same as that young chic you married. This is where the mental, emotional and spiritual maturity to handle these realities, sustain the romance and evolve your compatibility despite these, comes in. That is the hard work of the relationship.
The glossy social media pictures are the easy part. The public displays of affection are good and to some extent, they become difficult if there are real issues and resentments underneath but indoors where its just the two of you, is the romance maturing? Not giddy-headed like...
when you first fell in love but one that now recognizes the flaws and weaknesses of the other person, sees the good in them and values them for who they are, not just because of how important they are in your life or what they bring to the table. You have seen them 'naked'
No fig leaves, no fronting. All the fakeness is out the window. The real them and not the glossy outside image. Then the realization that this person can become better or worse is where the maturity kicks in. You can choose to go on that journey with them or check out mentally/

There's so much talk about submission from women but not enough about the depth of love required from the man. The instruction from the bible is actually even tougher on the man. Love like Christ loved the church.

Baba, Christ died for the church!!!
You can't even leave your last cheetos for her to eat.

One thing that I can bet my life on about women is that they are 'multipliers'. Whatever you give them, they will take, multiply and give back to you. So if you give love, you won't even need to ask for submission.
Back to the issue of seasons, its not always going to be summer, winter will come when it feels like nothing you do is working, financial pressures will pile up and put an emotional strain on you two. This season will test your commitment to each other and reveal things about you
Autumn will come and perfectly laid plans will fail. Things will happen for one person and not for the other. You or your spouse could be having career success while the other keep failing. One person could be in and out of hospitals or other forms of trouble
Spring will bring periods of sudden or unexpected wins. Suddenly the contracts land and you have more than you imagined and you see a new side of your partner you never knew existed. Money, success and power change people - I believe they reveal people for who they really are...
so 15, 20, 30 years down the line, you'll still be discovering things about them that just never had the chance to come to the surface. This is where, I believe, spiritual maturity comes in. On one hand, just pray you never need to face some circumstances. On the other...
decide to face them squarely with prayer and maturity of mind.

There's no couple that doesn't have disagreements. How you handle them and the aftermath is what matters.

I saw a response on twitter just today about how sweeping things under the carpet turns it into a fence
between the couple. Perfect illustration.

Handling quarrels by sweeping them under the carpet is not the right way, just as exploding and using regrettable words is also not right.

In pre-marital classes, they teach you to 'quarrel responsibly' and settle in truth.
This is why marriages are not for everyone. Some people can't or won't settle in truth. They enjoy malice. It makes them feel good to have something on you - a reason they can pull out of the blues to commit an act against you - these are the things you watch out for in dating.
Kindness, a forgiving spirit, maturity of mind when faced with unexpected difficulties or embarrassing situations. I don't think you should go about testing these things abruptly. Its like the argument against sudden tests, they might reflect the person's true character (or..
knowledge of the subject in case of sudden tests).

This is why dating or courting takes time. You shouldn't rush it and if you do marry quickly for other reasons, give the room for these to play out & learn to work with what you have unless of course you can't.

As you were...

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More from @Dolarpo

3 May
Ugo relocates from the US back to Nigeria, after his mum passes away in Lagos. He left the US as a former green beret with 2 tours on his belt. Most of his relatives only know he was working in America but not much about what he did because he was JSOC and kept it quiet.
He opens a gym in Lagos and starts to offer fitness training classes that attract the elite of society. His successes win him the admiration of many ladies, including the mistress of a notorious politician who in jealous anger, arranges some thugs to go deal with him one night.
It's a fairly easy fight for Ugo who overpowers them and drives them away, not before one of them pleads for mercy and unveils who sent them - but its only the middleman who was contacted by the politician. Meanwhile Aisha, a medical student just completed her studies....
Read 7 tweets
28 Apr
Starting over in Canada for 35+ senior professionals

100 likes and I'll do a thread
Ok so let's start with a bit of background...
so let's get into it.

When you're relocating to a new country to start over, its a brave step and I salute your courage. It takes a lot to leave that comfort of the career you've had to make a new one. So if you're just setting out, let me be the first to wish you all the best
Read 45 tweets
26 Apr
When you've studied 'Chaos Theory' long enough, you'll know that nothing is truly and purely random or coincidental. Even in the midst of the most chaotic and unconnected events, there's often a deeper-lying observable pattern, trend or linkage. It's not immediately obvious.
To every end, there's a means. Men have overtime chosen the path of chaos to achieving their ends because chaos is unsettling, forces even the most noble of men to seek comfort in the bliss of wilful ignorance or faux intellectualism but contrary to opinion, history shows...
Chaos cannot be controlled. If you borrow power from chaos, you become a servant of its wishes eventually. Like energy that can not be destroyed but transformed from one form to another, chaos is relentless once given room to fester. It's like the broken window theory...
Read 5 tweets
16 Apr
The problem is not the printing of money. Its how you release that money into the economy. Let's break this down using the economy function

Y = C + I + G + (X-M)

C = Private Consumption
I = Investments
G = Government consumption
X-M = Net Exports (exports - imports)
The best way to understand this is to use numbers so let's imagine Y = 100 and broken down as follows:

Y(100) = C (80) + I (10) + G (13) + X-M (-3)

This basically shows how we arrive at Y. If you want to grow Y, you can find a way to increase C or I or G or make X-M +ve
NBS has the breakdown for Nigeria in its 2020 GDP and its more like this

GDP = C (62) + I (16) + G (9) + X-M (13)

Source: NBS
Read 10 tweets
16 Apr
Travel Thread - Best Hotels you've stayed in these African countries

Let's go.
Let's start with Ghana. Quote with your top hotel and why you think it is.
I like Cote d'ivoire but if you're not a french speaker you might struggle. Best hotel?
Read 14 tweets

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