The reactions to this piece from @ebruenig are something else. I also became a mother at 25 & while there have been many struggles along the way, I've never once thought they were the result of my children or my own fertility.
https://twitter.com/nytopinion/status/1391571102196015106
Given the nature of our work, our family often moves simultaneously in working class & professional class spaces. In the latter, I'm always among the youngest mothers. But in the former, my peers have adult children & may be grandmothers.
Don't underestimate how much of the rage at @ebruenig's piece is about class & economics & the failure to follow "the success sequence" which demands that you establish your career before having children.
Unfortunately, the success sequence (often touted as an antidote to poverty) does not adequately account for the number of years it takes to complete school & establish a career in realtionship to *female* fertility. IOW, it's inherently sexist prefering male fertility.
All that to say, women are damned if they do & damned if they don't. Our society is not designed to support both their biological fertility & their professional feritility. They must choose. And when they do, they'll always be someone near by to tell them they chose poorly.
So I can't help but wonder if some of the anger directed toward this piece is misdirected grief at the limits placed upon women. @ebruenig is living the dream. But she knows her ability to pursue both motherhood & career is unusual & that's why she advocates for others.
But what about the women who were forced to choose? What about the women like me who have to start building their work after their childbearing years? What about the women who passed over early motherhood b/c they had no choice?
I doubt that either of these groups of women regret our choices b/c choice is sacred in our society & to deny our choices is to deny ourselves. But I will tell you this: I regret living in a society that forced the choice in the first place.
I regret the shape of a society that makes a women choose btwn her womb & her brain. I regret a society that fragments women & then tells them that it's their own fault.
At 42, I've had about equal number of years btwn being exclusively SAHM & pursuing my work. But at 42, I'm still running into hurdles in my work b/c of having my kids at 25.
I don't have the necessary credentials to formalize my work in professional spaces. But being a wife & mother means I'm also not necessarily free to pursue them--either financially or physically.
Like most of my working class friends, I have to work to add to the family income. But while my work happens in professional spaces, it's not compensated at professional level. I'm not complaining. I love my work & I love my family & I don't regret either.
I also know that none of this is my fault or theirs. We're all making the best of life as we know how--to honor multiple callings to family & work. But this doesn't mean that there's a clear path to "success" or that people's choices can be evaluated by it.
Given all this, it speaks volumes to me when the self-proclaimed party of family values tweets this on Mother's Day:
https://twitter.com/GOP/status/1391509031051792388?s=20
All that to say, instead of turning your ire on women who made the best choices they knew how to make, maybe turn it on a system that will happily sacrifice children & our collective future for the capital gains of the workforce.
Also, if you discover this thread in isolation & don't know my larger body of work on these topics, ask questions before you react. I have specific categories in mind for things like "work" & "calling" & "family" that don't always line up w/ vernacular usage.
• • •
Missing some Tweet in this thread? You can try to
force a refresh
