Guys, this is worth your 1:48 if only to observe how some women respond when they feel uncomfortable. It may seem counterintuitive to men, but women often react to discomfort by becoming *more* polite & conciliatory. Don't read it as agreement.
https://twitter.com/chris_notcapn/status/1387756701525422087
The logic's simple: As a class, men outmatch women physically & in aggression. When men are in position of authority--whether by age or role--this affect is augmented. Direct confrontation is not an option for women so we must get out of uncomfortable situations thru other means.
Why point this out? If you're a man in leadership or just want to be a good friend or Xian brother to women in your life, recognize how a woman's response to the same situation could look completely different to yours. Read her actions as coming from a *woman* not as from a man.
When threatened, a woman's defense posture often won't look like defense to you b/c it's not direct. She might actually look like she's agreeing w/ you. In reality, she's trying to extricate herself thru politeness that soothes the perceived threat long enough to make an escape
I'm an ennegram 8 & probably one of most direct women you'll ever meet & I still do this. When a situation w/ a man becomes uncomfortable--for whatever reason--I become *more* polite & affirming of him. I'm not encouraging him. I'm trying to delay until I can find a way out.
Now imagine how hard this would be for young women & women whose personalities aren't as... um... intense as mine. What you see as politeness is actually discomfort.
More broadly speaking, this phenomenon can also happen in communication w/ GOOD men. Discomfort can arise from something as simple as not feeling heard or seen. You're not a threat but something is.
When a woman begins to shut down, when she's suddenly quiet or polite w/ you, when she's not speaking her mind, there's likely a reason. Don't settle for perceived agreement.
Don't misunderstand: It's not your job to read her mind. But you do need to learn to be curious. Learn to recognize that something's happening & do your best to create conditions that allow her to speak what she needs to speak--*especially* if it's disagreement.
You need to hear her disagreement precisely b/c it's a view you don't have. You need the benefit of a complementary perspective.
Obviously, the video that initiated this thread represents an unhealthy encounter. But the young woman's reaction is significant & can better inform your attempts at healthy ones.
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