every media site I read is like ‘tensions heighten as clashes intensify in worrying signs for age-old conflict’ and then I log on here and see a video of a Palestinian guy filming the Israeli police on his phone getting shot in the face because they felt like it
‘tension’ is what I have in my fucking forehead right now. the words you seek are ‘ethnic cleansing’
he sounded so beaten down it was almost bored. he just tells the guy, if you’re going to shoot me then shoot me, you’ve been pointing that thing at me for an hour. and then he does
then I get up and walk around the room for a while, sit down, open another website and it tells me that there are clashes and unrest and operations and responses and appeals and the whole thing is a tragedy, which is to say eternal and inevitable and I hate all these words
turn on the TV and someone is calling on both sides to be calm and peaceful and I think about starting smoking again so I have something to do with my hands other than jam my nails into my thigh
I keep finding little scratches on myself where I have drawn blood and not noticed
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