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3 Jun, 7 tweets, 2 min read
It might have sneaked up on us—or on me, anyway—but I think we might be in a golden age of music. There is so much catchy, creative stuff right now. I have a new favourite song every hour. Total delight.
For instance:

Or:

Or:

Or:

Or:

I could do this all night. I won't, but I could.

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More from @EnswellJones

Chris Jones Profile picture
3 Jun
A local high school student profiled me for his English class, and I swear to you, he included the following sentence in his story: "Jones lives with his two sons and, supposedly, his girlfriend." I told his teacher that a burn like that deserves an A.
Imagine, for a moment, you take the time to talk to a high school student, and he turns around and does that to you. I think I might try to adopt him. His parents have obviously done an amazing job, but I want to take it from here. This is a once-in-a-generation talent.
Behold, the most devastating adverb in human history. Image
Read 7 tweets
Chris Jones Profile picture
1 Jun
When my boy Sammy was born, his head was so big that our paediatrician worried out loud that he had water on the brain. Kid had an off-the-charts cranium. The doc took out a tape measure and then stopped, looked at me, narrowed his eyes, and said, "You know what? Never mind."
This story is 100 percent true. In high school, I made a new friend, Richie Chaplin. I went over to his house for the first time, and his older brother, Ed, burst out laughing and said: "Look at the fucking head on that kid."
Just remembered that when I worked for the Ottawa Lynx baseball team, they had to special order my hat. "Kid needs the Bochy." Imagine having a head so big that no one else in an ENTIRE BASEBALL ORGANIZATION has a head the same size.
Read 4 tweets
Chris Jones Profile picture
20 May
Non-golfers don't get why golfers have been so upset about courses being closed in Ontario. Well, every golfer is a would-be murderer who isn't murdering people because we can spend hours walking around hitting golf balls instead. This is about your safety, not our pleasure.
Because I'm on a cold streak of people misreading everything that I've perfectly written: This is a joke.
The "perfectly written" part of the above tweet: also a joke.
Read 4 tweets
Chris Jones Profile picture
11 May
HOW TO BECOME A REGULAR IN A BAR, by me, a man pictured with the drink named after me at my local. You don't have to thank me. You’re most welcome.
1. Go to the right place. You want a bar with the longevity to which you aspire. It should be somewhere people sit and drink and talk. Not fancy. Neon is nice. Long-time staff. Bartenders named after cities (e.g. Chicago Mike, Omaha Jenny.) Urinal with some heft and character.
2. On your first visit, scout it out for a beat before you sit down. Because wherever you sit, that’s gonna become your seat. I like a corner of a bar (two possible conversations to join), or a corner table, back to the wall. Wherever you sit, face the bartender or the room.
Read 16 tweets
Chris Jones Profile picture
11 May
Okay, quick story. I move to Santa Monica to work on a TV show. First week there, I need dinner. Bar named Rick's has a sign on the awning, $10 burger and beer, I think. Sold. I pull up. It's pouring rain. No change, and the parking meter won't take my Canadian credit card.
Rock n' roll woman behind the bar. I ask her if they give out parking tickets in Santa Monica in the rain. (Shut up, I was new.) Yes, she says. I explain my problem. SHE HANDS ME HER CREDIT CARD. I'm like, You don't know me. She holds out her hand. I put my wallet in it.
I go pay for parking with her card. Come back. She gives me back my wallet. The bartender's name is Kelly. Burger, beer, and a friendly conversation when I was feeling lonely and uncertain. Went back so often, I got the employee discount. One of my favourite places in the world.
Read 4 tweets
Chris Jones Profile picture
29 Apr
Not gonna lie, that is one giant fucking duck.
If I saw that duck, I'd be like, "Look at that size of that fucking duck."
Look at THE size, I mean. Honestly, I'm flustered by the size of that fucking duck.
Read 6 tweets

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