Starting to feel almost bad for Mike Lindell. Mr. Lindell, I’d like to offer you my services. In exchange fo a fee to be negotiated, I will help you construct a body of slightly-less-obviously-bogus body of evidence for imaginary election fraud. My package includes...
* One (1) superficially plausible backstory for how I have visibility on traffic to hundreds of municipal government networks. At your discretion, I will pepper this backstory with references to actual monitoring tools like “nmap” and “Wireshark” for extra verisimilitude.
* One (1) properly-formatted fabricated pcap screenshot, suitable for use in online videos, guaranteed to provoke less mockery than just converting publicly available voter data to hex. At your request, I can create a version in green Matrix font that dribbles down the screen.
* One (1) spreadsheet of IP addresses involved in the supposed hacks. Unlike some bargain-basement cyber consultants, I will spend 10 minutes on WHOIS ensuring that these IP addresses actually correspond to real servers in the county or country alleged.
* One (1) suitably vague “whistleblower account” from a municipal administrator purporting to link this traffic to “votes being flipped,” sparing you the embarrassment of having to explain how this could possibly be inferred from mere packet sniffing.
At no extra charge, I will do rudimentary background research calculated to avoid obvious and awkward errors, such as claiming a critical breach occurred in a place where the company allegedly breached has no offices or servers.
If necessary, I am prepared to explain these findings wearing a black hoodie in a dimly-lit video, my voice digitally pitched to sub-James-Earl-Jones levels, in a presentation that employs no fewer than ten (10) invocations of real infosec jargon used approximately correctly.
Payment in Dogecoin gladly accepted. It won’t be cheap, but since it’s not “actual malice” if you’re a computer-illiterate dunce who was plausibly tricked into committing slander, it’s a lot cheaper than the alternative!
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