Thread by @lellyjz

I learned early on to just leave a community (when possible) if I want peace because more than “not understanding,” others in the community engage in less overt forms of abuse themselves. I just recently had someone acknowledge that what happened to me was deeply messed up and,

https://twitter.com/butchanarchy/status/1401294153573572611

while I don’t hold a grudge,
I side-eyed them because the behaviors they were now listing as messed up had always been there & played for laughs. The harm others faced was just derided (i.e. neglected, which is also abuse). My point is, if ongoing abuse has been happening, there

are structures that allow it. The community is dysfunctional. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in a “safe” group, heard some shit fly, looked around, and realized that no one even noticed / noticed and didn’t feel it was appropriate to check it. Then have ppl talkin

bout “well you gotta change it from the inside.” Hot tip: that only works when there is already active resistance to the rot and organization, not instigation, is needed. There are obviously exceptions depending on the type of abuse, but often times it’s not that

ppl “aren’t ready.” It’s that they are also abusive/dysfunctional and accountability is foreign to them as well. Just get yourself out of there if you can. Even if you want to give the benefit of the doubt, you’re probably too close to process whether it’s deserved so

consider giving yourself space to reflect. There’s obviously nuance, and I’m not saying it’s easy, but this has been something that allowed me to find the best communities for myself.