BREAKING: After disputes with leadership, famed Greek warrior Achilles withdraws from Trojan War in stunning display of self-care. 
Achaean council leader Agamemnon went on record stating: “we believe making exceptions for our biggest stars undermines the authority of the war effort. We wish the swift-footed hero the best and hope he considers rejoining the effort later.”
https://twitter.com/postclassics/status/1402023695967670285
Retired hero Heracles chimed in to show support: “It’s easy to look from the outside and go ‘oh, he got mad and quit,’ but it’s hard out there. You wouldn’t know until you’ve done it yourself. I remember leaving the Argonauts’ expedition. It was a hard call but the right one.”
His comrade Diomedes had different thoughts: “Is Agamemnon an asshole? Yeah, it just makes me work harder. He told me I’d never be as good as my father. What did I do? I went out and fought the literal *gods* to prove him wrong. Some of us are just built different.”
All I want is @MarthaStewart to see one of these so we can talk about Loebs and cooking together
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