A very helpful distinction, and something I think about not just with teaching, but writing. I disclose parts of my life publicly to connect to my audience, but I purposefully choose not to share all kinds of things because I have no wish for an intimate relationship with readers
https://twitter.com/tressiemcphd/status/1402362495151611909
The reality is that a writer cannot have an intimate relationship with readers, even though we as readers may feel a kind of intimacy towards the writers we read. That's a one way street, though. I have desire to even construct that one-way street as a teacher or writer.
My students will learn all kinds of things about me, but it's in the context of instructor/student, always. They will hear my frustrations about the world, but not my personal problems because what are they supposed to do with that stuff.
When I was leaving full-time teaching I had to be very careful about this. On the one hand, I was honest about why I was leaving and how it was reflective of a system that made me continuing the work impossible.
On the other hand, students weren't subjected to my anger and bitterness over the state of things. They don't need to be privy to that to understand the conditions under which they were learning. It's immaterial.
I want my students to know me as human, and to know them as humans, but I'm not their friend, therapist, or confessor. When they tell me things that are more appropriate for those other roles, I respond as best I can as their instructor & point them toward help if necessary.
If an instructor sees students as a vehicle for filling their intimacy or self-esteem cups, I think they're courting trouble.
"no" desire.
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