So it's my birthday.

First birthday after my vaccination feels less real or like a birthday or milestone than my birthday during Quarantimes, I think because last year I was way more consciously doing things to mark "Yes, this is happening and it's my birthday."
On the plus side it not feeling like my birthday means it also doesn't feel like the anniversary of my last day with a living mother. Though maybe that's why I've been so blah/down lately, anniversary effect creeping up on me unnoticed.
....the Twitter profile balloons have never felt sadder.

Is it actually only one year since Jack made the Fireball cake? Is that possible? Did that happen in 2020? Time is fake, and out of joint, and an illusion. It's a fake, out of joint illusion.

I had thought that I would take a mini-vacation for my first vaccinated birthday, but the stars lined up so that it made sense for me to do that a week or so before. So that's also probably part of why today doesn't feel like anything in particular.
I felt like I had some things figured out during my trip. Like I managed to chill out for a day and get my head screwed on straight, like I knew what I needed to do to get my life back on track.

Came home, sunk back into malaise almost immediately.
Now in fairness to myself... travel did kind of disrupt my carefully cultivated routine for getting to sleep at night and waking up in the morning and I'm still piecing it back together. Like, just today I realized I haven't been drinking any coffee or tea most days.
So maybe I'll actually get things figured out enough that I can have a decent year. Tomorrow's my birthday, so no expectations. Day after that is Friday after my birthday, minimal expectations. Saturday, Sunday, then Monday... first work week of year 42. Maybe I'll do better.
Couple stanzas of poetry, from a poem I used to read at open mic nights:

We ride the line together,
tell our stories, say our prayers.
We pass from dark to light
and back again, frequent flyers
on the annual trip around the sun,
all expenses paid
one way, or another.
Daylight changes things
more than we’d like to admit.
Each time the light dies
we swear we’ll get it right
next time, tomorrow,
next year, time after that.
We burn up our somedays
like we’re made out of maybes,
like we’ll never run out.
The lines "We burn up our somedays like we're made out of maybes, like we'll never run out." have gotten more comments from people than anything else I've read in public.
I'm feeling them now. Deep down in my bones.
I should be less morose. I'm 41. It's a prime number. That's the sort of thing I enjoy knowing.

Happy Gemini season and Pride, everybody. Happy birthday to me.
...just went to write about this thread in my journal and in the course of telling myself about it I described it as being about my birthday and depression, and was like, "Ohhh, right, that's what I'm describing."

Wild that I am so often surprised by a condition I know I have.

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More from @AlexandraErin

11 Jun
The marriage conflicts in It Takes Two reminds me of the parent/child issues in Mitchells vs. Machines, where it felt like the writers believed they were creating a reciprocal, mutual conflict but 90% of it was the dad/husband sucking a bunch.
I think it's part of Sitcom Dad Syndrome: if your tendency is to give white guys slack and to look on everybody else with suspicion of benefiting from unearned slack, it's easy to miss that your Patriarch is just an awful person.

Like, the game play in It Takes Two seems really well designed for creating synergy and teamwork, and the level design is great, the artwork is great, but the actual relationship stuff...
Read 23 tweets
10 Jun
"Why doesn't the media care about the president' sson"

Okay, I'll bite: what's a president's son?

A monarch's son might be a prince, might be the heir apparent to the throne.

A business mogul's son might be an heir.

What's a president's son?
I guess in the sense that "it happens every other century".

And, like, the political news media covering how much of a screw-up a current president's son is as though he were the crown prince or something just exacerbates that.

I'm worried about a lot of things on both sides of the aisle but I am not worried that Joe Biden is going to give Hunter the keys to the kingdom, and I don't believe you are, either.
Read 11 tweets
10 Jun
Despite being billed as a continuation/sequel and despite having some of the "Unlike that icky girl version a few years back, THIS ONE'S FOR THE REAL FANS" marketing hype pushed onto it, the best thing about this is the people who made it clearly know where/how the original sucks
I remember reading something from the people who made Voltron: Legendary Defender about how they weren't trying to be faithful to the original (either original) so much as faithful to the feeling of having watched it as a kid.
And that's the vibe I get from this trailer. It's not the 80s cartoon (which... doesn't hold up well at all), it's versions of that universe that could have lived in your mind, free from the need to maximize the number of collectable action figures you get out of a single mold.
Read 8 tweets
10 Jun
Once upon a time a comedian did a bit in a set that didn't go over well. Someone in the audience repeated the joke to another person, who also didn't get it. That person repeated it again to a man who, seeing the humor in it, died laughing.
The dead man's family went after the one who had told him the joke, who protested that seeing nothing funny in it, they could not be blamed for the fatal hilarity. The person who had first repeated the joke had the same excuse, and pointed the finger at the comedian.
The comedian's lawyer first argued self-defense, saying that it was their client's job to slay the audience and with the alternative being dying on stage... if a stand-up comic can't stand their ground, who can?
Read 6 tweets
9 Jun
One of the many things I like about Dishonored 2's level designs is the way it begins and ends in the same place, though drastically changed, and how this highlights how the protagonist has changed as well.
In the first level, you're escaping from a room high atop Dunwall Tower and you have no supernatural abilities so you are limited to one survivable path down across the rooftops to the ground.
In the last level, you have the opportunity to scale those same roofs using your accumulated magical/superhuman abilities (and whatever game proficiency you've gained in real life) and it's completely different.
Read 10 tweets
8 Jun
Every once in a while I think about how Lois & Clark, a show that had almost no characters with superpowers outside of Superman, had two different unrelated ones played by the incredibly distinctive character actor Leslie Jordan.
I don't know how that happened but I think it was to the benefit of the show and the stories that he was cast in the part, as it was crucial in both cases that the character not actually be read as villainous despite being thrust into a supervillainous role.
His Invisible Man was Mr. Cellophane meets Henry Bemis, an overlooked man who made himself invisible and decided the best use of his power was to redistribute as many resources as a single pair of invisible hands could.
Read 22 tweets

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