I could literally proofread something 10 times, and I'd still make a mistake somewhere. I know this bc I often DO proofread things 10 times, to no avail. It's crushing when people interpret this as carelessness, because I am SO careful. It doesn't make a difference.
I often think, "do the people who see my work as messy or rushed, ever notice how painstakingly slowly and carefully I do everything?". I might be the only person in the world who knows how careful and intentional I actually try to be each day.
Usually at work I'm doing things that have a built-in peer review and proof reading process. ATM I'm doing stuff that doesn't have that, and working harder than ever only to have everything be riddled with more mistakes. It's heartbreaking.
What's most heartbreaking is that I know I have ADHD. I know that when systems work with me, these mistakes don't matter. And yet, when I make them, it's so easy to spin into a shame spiral, to repeat what others have told me to myself. That I'm careless, even tho I know I'm not.
It's just such a meaningless thing that our society places SO MUCH worth on. If the substance of my work is good, a spelling mistake in it shouldn't matter. I don't even believe in the way society values this, but it's so hard to get it out of my head.
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