Thread by @johnniejae

I grew up in the church. Technically, I am Rev. Johnnie Jae like my great great grandpa, grandpa, grandma, my mom and aunts and uncles. I left the church years ago, but still perform marriages and baptismals for those the church denies out of ignorance, hate and greed.

https://twitter.com/johnniejae/status/1398961766642585603

Which is also why I left the church because God was no longer welcome. I grew up old school pentecostal, like traveling on a converted school bus, tent revival to tent revival throughout the US, Canada and Mexico kind of old school pentecostal.

Growing up, my Grandpa always preached about the importance of spiritual discernment, knowing the difference between what was God's word & will and what was the word & will of Man. He preached about accountability, talked about the importance of always knowing right from wrong

Religious institutions are toxic, restrictive, greedy and cruel. But growing up that is not what I experienced and I think that is mainly because we were surrounded by other Native preachers and communities where in retrospect and knowing what I know about my grandpa....

In their own way, as a coping mechanisms, as a way to heal and prevent future abuse, we have generations of Native preachers who may have been trying to redeem God and the concept of faith. I don't know for sure but looking back but that's what I see in my grandpa.

Because he was never cruel, he was never judgemental or hateful. He was kind and funny, even in his sermons he was always trying to make people laugh. He was patient and always helping someone somewhere.

But the one thing that really makes me believe this is that when we lived near boarding schools, like Riverside in Anadarko, the kids that for whatever reason couldn't go home for weekends, holidays or summers, some stayed with us and he found places for others.

He hated the idea of them staying at the school and I didn't know at the time but now I know it's because of the abuse he suffered in the boarding schools. He didn't want Native kids left alone there.

I say this all to be transparent, I make no apologies for the church and I am very critical of religious institutions, but when I say we need to hold space for Native people, I mean all Native people, including Native Christians.

Especially our elderly Native Christians because they are the boarding school survivors, they are survivors of the 60's scoops and some have survived horrors that we are just now bringing to light and they are grappling with their trauma and trying to cope.

It's okay to be angry and to be hurt, to want accountability and justice, but we also need to keep our anger directed in the right places. Faith wears many masks and we all need to have faith whether that faith is in God or other spirits, in science or even man.

Hold space even if you don't understand or agree because Native congregations and churches are what have allowed some survivors to keep surviving, to cope and heal. It's given them a place to belong when everything else may have been stripped from them.

And some churches are what have allowed some of our languages to survive, especially in Oklahoma where not everyone can speak their languages fully but many can sing hymns or even recite prayers.

I've seen where two churches were burned down recently and my first reaction was YES but then I got to thinking about my grandpa and the churches that I went too in Native communities and now I worry about the survivors who no longer have their sanctuary.

I worry if they now no longer feel safe or welcome in their own communities after everything they have already survived and lost.

So, when I say hold space....hold space for everyone because we are all grappling with the sudden visibility of the horrors we already knew existed.

I am sure they are grappling with people now wanting them to re-live their traumas and tell their truths after decades of being silenced, with having memories surfacing that they tried so hard to forget in order to cope.

There are a lot of things to consider that we don't always consider because we are caught up in our own anger, grief and desire for something meaningful to be done, for justice.

But please make a concerted effort to hold space for each other.

Be mindful of EVERY survivor, of the ways they found to cope and heal, the ways they found to keep surviving. Be mindful, hold space for each other and let's do our best to protect our spirits because this is just the beginning.