It's 4:30 am, do you know what's in your bank account??
A whole lot less than I thought but it's the 8th, picked up my meds 2 days late cuz I didn't have enough until yesterday, rent is paid, utilities paid. But damn when I say a whole lot less than I thought, $9.31 🤣
Back to the t-shirt selling grind cuz despite the extraordinary cost of existing with SLE, CKF and GBS, I really do love this life of mine and want to keep it going for as long as I can.
Thankfully, this is the last month that we are going to be 100% dependent on tee sales
You too could be as cool as this wookie in one of my tees while also helping it survive in the wilds of capitalism. Get one of my pretty cool but not too cool tees at johnniejae.store
It is dangerous NOT to teach about the flawed, corrupt and racist foundation of this country, when the evidence, the blood, scars and death of those flaws, corruption and racist is very much present today.
It is dangerous NOT to teach about the reality of the birth of this nation, when violence, oppression and hate is what was birthed and nurtured instead of the promise of life, justice and liberty.
It is dangerous not to teach about the reality of what was because it extinguishes the hope of what could be, of who we could be if we take the opportunity to correct those flaws, to mend the harm, and build a nation and lead the people to a just and liberated future.
I got some news that I can't share just yet, but the first thing I wanted to do was call my mom because she would have been proud and highly amused.
I miss her and owe so much to my folks, but especially my mom. She could have let me be shy and awkward, but she wanted more and believed I could be more and she was right cuz now you can't get me to shut up and I'm loud AND awkward.
But on the real, in ways I never realized until I was grown, my mom was making sure that I knew I had a voice and endless options, that I had the power and courage to use my voice and choose my own paths.
There are people who inspire greatness, inspire hope and the confidence to believe that we can do and be better, who see the big picture that as we rise, we raise up others. @nhannahjones is one of those people but thats not what makes her extraordinary
It is not that she speaks truth to power but that she brings power to truth, power so undeniable that it shakes you to the core and for some people it has scared them because the truths they so desperately try to run from, to erase and keep hidden have been brought to the surface
It sucks that such an accomplished journalist, that such an incredible human being has to face such incredible backlash for just being, that her incredible body of work and achievements are seen as a threat when for a lot of us Native and Black journalist they represent hope.
One day, I will wake up to see Native Americans & individual tribes trending without a sickening feeling of dread, without anger & sorrow knowing that the only time we trend now is when non-Natives are on some hateful bullshit trying to justify some injustice or atrocity.
Case in point.....
It's been a heavy time in NDN country, we have been hit so hard with loss during the pandemic. We have lost so many good people and now the bodies of Native children that we already knew were there are being uncovered at Residential Boarding Schools.
We're fighting the violence that pipelines and mancamps bring to our communities and lands. We're fighting for our basic human rights and humanity to be honored.
So many ugly truths are being exposed right now and yet we only seek justice, liberation and healing.
You can always tell people of Faith from those who only claim belief as means of political weaponization. People of faith know that churches are just buildings, just wood, stone and glass. Buildings can burn, be rebuilt but you can't bring back the dead.
People of Faith know and understand the Church must be held accountable their sins, that forgiveness, redemption and salvation are not possible without contrition, accountability, amends and commitment to change. As humans we know some things can only be cleansed in fire.
I also have a sneaky suspicion these fires are being started by the Churches themselves to get rid of evidence now that folks are finally taking a deeper look, not to mention many of these churches are insured and with shrinking congregations and the pandemic...easy money.
This has become more important to me than I could ever express. It's been over a year since I wrote this thread & knowing what & who we have lost, knowing the price that NDN country has & continues to pay for refusing to be silent, invisible and extinct, it is even more relevant.
We need to keep preserving, reclaiming and revitalizing everything they have tried to burn in the fires of colonization and passing that knowledge to our younger generations, empowering them to forge new paths forward and to not only imagine but create brighter futures.
We need to encourage, empower and support them but more importantly, we need to trust them and get out of their way and let them run with the torches we pass.
They make not makes the choices we would, do things the way we would or want them to. Things may change drastically.
I mean, if you really want more context, 7 schools have been searched in Canada. They had around 139 residential boarding schools, the US had 367. The bodies of 1505 Native children have been found at just 7 schools.
It is not normal or justifiable in any regard for school grounds to house incinerators and graveyards for its students. These institutions were not tools of education or even civilization, but tools of genocide.
This right here.....the days and weeks following my mom's death, I don't think I would have survived if i hadn't smoked a little weed to help me through. I hate this happening to Sha'Carri because grief is overwhelming in ways we never see coming until we're fighting not to drown
Compassion and understanding is more needed than punishment because at 21 she is suddenly thrust into a global limelight while dealing with grief and visibility on a scale that would have a lot of us hyperventilating and hiding in a hole somewhere.
It's a lot of responsibility to be carrying the hopes and expectations of an entire nation, of strangers who now feel that your sacrifices, work and effort aren't enough for you to deserve your platform if you don't perform the way they want, when they want.
3 months ago today, they told us our mom would not recover and it was time for us to let her go. The only thing my sister and I could do was think about what was going to happen next and we went shopping to find her burial clothes.
We went to a mall in ABQ, sat in the parking lot, calling family and letting them know that we'd be withdrawing care. We went inside, neither of us could stop crying and our masks were soaked with tears and snot by time we left.
We were so grossed out cuz we didn't have any back ups or time to stop at our hotel to pick some up before we went to sit with my mom for one last time. Our masks were so nasty.
Sometimes I get so tired of living but I need to survive until October 15 and October 14 of 2022 and I swear to jeebus if I don't because of my health or covid variants, I need ya'll to riot and tear blumhouse apart
Cuz if they hadn't been greedy and pushed back the release dates instead of streaming, I'd only have to survive til October of this year and whatever happens after I would be okay with, live or die it would okay.
But now.....now I have FOMO and it's torture knowing I should have already seen Halloween Kills last October. I know I seem pretty normal but I am one of those Halloween freaks that could lead a guided tour through the Halloween Franchise by heart.
When I say thank you, when I say I love you all and I am so grateful...I mean it from the top of my head to the tips of my toes and beyond. With donations and tee sales, I am just 21 shirts shy of rent.....21 from 88. Thank you so much!
Just 21 shirts to go! I have plenty of designs and goodies for everyone at johnniejae.store and you can save with promo code SUMMERFUN
This is good news I desperately needed today since I am trying to deal with the theft of my artwork which seriously hurts my soul because I put my heart into these designs and it's been my art therapy while dealing with the stress of my health, with loss and grief.
I am so angry and sick right now. So last week, I let ya'll know that my "We are the Science Fiction of our Ancestors" design was stolen and I am now being alerted to more sites selling my tee and using my name
I grew up in the church. Technically, I am Rev. Johnnie Jae like my great great grandpa, grandpa, grandma, my mom and aunts and uncles. I left the church years ago, but still perform marriages and baptismals for those the church denies out of ignorance, hate and greed.
Which is also why I left the church because God was no longer welcome. I grew up old school pentecostal, like traveling on a converted school bus, tent revival to tent revival throughout the US, Canada and Mexico kind of old school pentecostal.
Growing up, my Grandpa always preached about the importance of spiritual discernment, knowing the difference between what was God's word & will and what was the word & will of Man. He preached about accountability, talked about the importance of always knowing right from wrong
Dear Non-Natives and Christians
This isn't a time for you to talk, express your outrage or unload your outrage and sorrow on Native people as the veil is pulled back and your eyes opened to the atrocities that Native people have suffered in the name of Christ.
This is not a time for you to defend your beliefs or tell us they weren't "real" Christians. It's not the time for you to try and distance yourself or try to justify these atrocities.
It is time for you to listen as residential boarding schools survivors across the US and Canada speak candidly about the violence and death they have witnessed and survived.
Irony is my favorite thing in the world. On the same day I get my blue check mark rejection, I also get my infamous Twitter Swag box. I am in love but Twitter just don't feel the same and in the words of Ryan Young, "They were like, can ya just take the box? 🙄🙄🙄" 🤣
Seriously though, rejection aside, I was very grateful and honored to be invited to speak for #TwitterVoices and amplify the work of Disabled Native Twitter. It was an uplifting moment in a time of uncertainty and grief.
As soon as the event was done, I rushed to the hospital to sit with my mom. I told her all about the joy and honor of being among so many briliant disabled folks from all walks of life and the passion they have for justice and change.
Now that restrictions are being lifted, people that once stared and then went on their way, now go out of their way to make you feel unsafe, they will purposely invade your space, cough, make comments and in some cases flat out get violent.
I am immunocompromised, my uncle died from COVID, my aunt barely survived. My sister's partner was hospitalized & on oxygen for months after he got COVID. I was on an active COVID ICU ward with my mom, I watched COVID ravage her body & I was with her when she took her last breath
Homophobia in NDN Country and the church is why I never felt normal or like there was something wrong with me. It wasn't until after my divorce a few years ago and moving from OK to LA that I had space and support to really think about my sexuality.
Turns out nothing is wrong with me, I'm just the A in LGBTQIA2S. Asexual, I am asexual. It's not the result of hormone imbalances, chronic illnesses, my mental health or trauma. That's not to say these factors don't play a part in other's asexuality, they just don't in mine.
And it definitely wasn't the tap water in Native communities!
I just am. I also assert the trauma that I have experienced didn't impact my sexuality but was the result of my sexuality being invalidated and disregarded.
Being chronically ill is some bullshit. Do you know how irritating it is to not only have health issues but to have to humble yourself and tell the last person you ever want to tell "You were right" that they were right cuz you are stubborn ass of a person.
My kidneys suck, they are pretty much bearing the brunt of this flare up and my sugars have been very unstable, high one minute and dropping super low the next. My partner had just got done telling me to keep a few glucose tablets in my pocket but did i listen?
NO! I didn't reach them in time and passed out l, bruised up my ribs hitting the counter on my way down. Thankfully, I'm short and round, short fall before I just kind of roll.
Being an advocate is a big responsibility and not something you do to be controversial or reactionary because the physical, mental and spiritual well-being of folks who are hurting and facing injustice are at stake. You have to be mindful, humble and accountable.
This morning I was shocked to see a youth advocate saying "whatever you want to call yourself","there is water on certain reservations and indigenous communities that make you gay"
and "being gay, being programmed to be gay and then messing with science to fuck your hormones up to create you to be gay are entirely different things"