Thread by @marcusolang

The #GenerationEqualityForum is happening right now, and since the last conversation I had with @OfficialJMbugua, @kalekyemumo, @equalitynow, and @better4kenya on @CapitalFMKenya, I've been struggling with the term "ally".

#GenerationEquality #YourVoiceMatters #ActForEqual

The context: Sometime during the conversation, @OfficialJMbugua referred to me as an ally in the path towards gender equality, and I felt a little unsettled. I'll explain why in a bit, but it certainly wasn't the first time.

#ActForEqual

Last year, @ADELLEO and @TheLanji were putting together "Our Broken Silence", a book with voices of survivors of rape, observers, family members, activists, nurses, lawyers and many others, offering a glimpse of the different perceptions of [sexual] violence.

#YourVoiceMatters

Adelle reached out and asked if I could pen an entry to be included in the book, as an ally.

I enthusiastically agreed. Initially.

Then a paralysis set in. Nothing to do with my ability to write, but entirely to do with that term, "ally".

#GenerationEquality

I hesitate to embrace that term for myself, largely (if not entirely) because I don't feel I've earned the term.

Because yes, in some part of my mind, I believe it's a title that needs me to have put in a whole lot more work than I have thus far.

#ActForEqual

See, in as much as many of us (men and women, mostly the former) may believe that we're blameless beings who've done no wrong, our attitudes and words betray a lot of who we are, what we truly believe in, and - this is crucial - what we tolerate.

#YourVoiceMatters

So much as you may have never physically assaulted someone, quietly sharing spaces with people who routinely either make light of or actively voice support of people who are violent against others is, in itself, supporting that violence.

#GenerationEquality

And I'm very emphatic about this nowadays: Staying silent when you've clearly seen someone in pain (physical, emotional, or otherwise) as a result of someone else's actions is, in itself, an act in support of the aggressor/perpetrator.

We can't afford to be silent.

#ActForEqual

And "we" here covers many brackets of people.
"We" = men.
"We" = women.
"We" = church.
"We" = religious leaders.
"We" = political leaders.
"We" = corporate leaders.

#YourVoiceMatters

"We" = anyone in a position of power or privilege relative to another in any given context.

We can't stay silent.

Silence means you're complicit. So you can't be silent and claim you've done nothing wrong - your silence is someone else's pain.

#GenerationEquality

Which brings me back to "ally": Part of why I remain uncomfortable having that term used to describe me is the very fact that I've been in spaces in my past where I've been silent where people were caused pain by others.

Work-related. Relationship-related. Others.

#ActForEqual

And a huge reason for that? Attitudes.

Our actions (and inaction, at that) are driven by attitudes. Attitudes determine what's eventually deemed by society as 'norms'.

So we allow what's deemed 'normal', and castigate what's 'abnormal'.

#YourVoiceMatters

The unfortunate reality is, many of us live life without interrogating why we view things the way we do, without interrogating what our attitudes are (both as individuals and as groups).

#GenerationEquality

The outcome of this? We just take things at face value. "Hivi ndivyo vitu huwa..."

Yes, things are like this, things seem normal like this, but WHY?

That's the root.

#ActForEqual

Why do we feel entitled to women's bodies?

Why do we think it's our absolute role to determine the decisions of women?

Why do we hear of a case of domestic violence, and just say, "We'll pray for you"?

WHY?

#YourVoiceMatters

Why do we hear of a colleague at work being harassed, and only shake our heads and keep plodding on? Why do the abusers in such spaces continue to keep their positions, if not benefitting further from them?

#ActForEqual

Why would a cabinet secretary for education refer to it as fortunate that boys 'outperformed' girls in the last exams?

Why this view of a 'battle of the sexes', rather than a genuine celebration of and quest for more equitable opportunities?

#YourVoiceMatters

Once we begin to embrace that question - WHY? - then everything starts to unravel. And in most cases, unravelling is a good thing. Certainly in this case too.

And it's a question that we certainly need to be asking a tonne more often.

#GenerationEquality

This is why I shy away from the term "ally" - I don't believe I've asked "Why?" enough.

Especially knowing today that my past self could have done better in many contexts.

#ActForEqual

Plus, acknowledging that I need to be constantly and consistently aware enough to keep interrogating my own beliefs and attitudes.

#YourVoiceMatters

Because if I, even for the slightest moment, start to believe that I've understood all there is to know, then that very smugness will turn me blind to the different realities that people have to endure across this big blue floating space rock, near and far.

#GenerationEquality

And that, friends, that's definitely not a good place to be in as a human being. Not for myself, not for my loved ones, and not for the idea of a better society that I'd hope my successors would inherit.

#ActForEqual

Long-ish thread, I know. But if nothing else, remember these three things:
1. To be silent is to be complicit.
2. Always, ALWAYS, interrogate your beliefs and attitudes.
3. Silence = Complicity. (Yes, it's worth repeating.)

#YourVoiceMatters

I say all this as much to both my present and future self, as much as I share them here with you. All as, also yes, my own work in unlearning and learning continues.

#GenerationEquality #YourVoiceMatters #ActForEqual