Thread by @ArielTroster

Twenty years of conversations about consent in the queer community have prepared me well for the slow emergence from this pandemic. Some advice … 1) Be honest, have hard conversations, don’t lie.

2) Always accommodate the person with the higher protection requirements. I don’t normally wear a mask for outside interactions and am now fully vaxxed. But if a friend feels more comfortable this way, the mask goes on.

3) Have the conversations about masking (or barriers if we are talking about sex) before you actually hang out. Make these decisions in advance.

4) Understand that masking and vaccination are acts of community care. Prioritize the needs of the most vulnerable among us (and now this includes kids younger than 12). Your individual freedom doesn’t supersede the need to keep us all safe.

5) If you don’t know someone else’s boundaries, ask! Consent is an ongoing process. And they can change in the moment.

6) I expect to be comfortable having fully vaccinated friends over occasionally, mostly outdoors. I am okay with my kid playing outdoors with other kids, unmasked. But I would not impose my choices on anyone else or judge them for requiring a higher protection level.

7) I heard about a lot of straight people with poor consent negotiation skills that were lying or leaving out details about relevant interactions or potential risks before hanging out with friends or family. DON’T DO THIS.

8) Anyway, listen to our queer elders who survived AIDS and learned to have the tough conversations. We can have pleasure and joy AND protect each other.

9) When AIDS started killing gay men, it was in the midst of a period of sexual liberation with NO existing culture around condom use or transparency around past sexual partners. They adapted and transformed their most intimate relationships to keep each other safe. We can too.

10) Shame kills. It is perfectly normal for people to want hugs and hookups and patio beers with friends and lovers. It has been a long pandemic and vaccines mean we can invite some fun into our lives again. But embrace radical honesty for the sake of all of us, please.