Thread by @Delafina777

why, in the year 2021 of the common fucking era does Dark Alliance have only one female character

wow, this game is BIZARRE

it's like it was developed by someone completely unaware of the UI and basic gameplay conventions of the last 10 years

also like the dialogue was written by someone who is unaware of the game writing conventions of the last 10 years

like an enemy just literally told me "I can see you but I can't reach you!"

why yes, thank you, rulebook

I mean, some of the dialogue isn't bad--it's just *implemented* in such a weird way

like these goblins keep doing their ambients *interspersed with their battle chatter* while I am shooting them to death

they shout a battle thing then talk about the weather

the battle chatter does one of my least favorite things:

a goblin says, "I'm not too proud to beg!" but then neither begs nor runs away

like look, I know as well as anyone how grueling battle chatter is to write, but don't create that sort of dissonance between what the character is *saying* they'll do versus what the AI is actually making them do

the NPC collision and pathfinding on this are JACKED

the NPCs can't walk around a rock to get to me

but I can shoot them THROUGH the rock

Also my only option to play as a female character makes little princessy sounds of exertion *every single time she shoots an arrow* and I am OVER it

also she does this weird hand flick thing and choices were made

oh man, this guy has at least 5 lines, but he repeats one 4-5 times every few seconds before we get a new one.

it's like a tic

I'm shooting this goblin to death but he's literally too busy talking about dinner to do anything about it

I'm just standing here firing arrow after arrow directly into his head but he's like NO I HAVE FOOD EXPOSITION TO DELIVER, I CANNOT BE BOTHERED TO MOVE SLIGHTLY

headshots don't exist in this game which is very boring when you're an archer

don't mind me, just standing in the open, on the ground, 5 feet away from you, shooting you in the head and making you stagger

but I guess that's less important than talking to your friends who are facing me watching this all about what's for dinner

is this game gaslighting me?

omg all seven of these goblins have the exact same stagger animation and it is timed exactly the same

this goblin just repeated the same line of dialogue 3 times in a row with MAYBE 5 seconds between repetitions, wtf

literally did this boss fight with my eyes closed

because he is not moving

just firing arrow after arrow into him, chipping away at his health

with my eyes closed because, again, and I can't emphasize this enough, he's just standing there

game designers, I am begging you to understand

the way you translate a tabletop mechanic like a crit into a videogame in 2021 isn't to have the exact same outcome whether I shoot the guy through the eye or in the little toe, unless I magically for some reason get a crit

We have that mechanic in tabletop because we're not actually simulating shooting someone with an arrow in any detail, because tracking that on pen and paper would be a nightmare

however, I am playing this on an Xbox. it's a computer, it can do rapid calculations and lots of them

it can handle figuring out whether I shot him straight in his toe-armor and he maybe felt it a little or whether I shot him through the eye

the same endorphin-y variable ration reinforcement schedule that tabletop does with crits, you can do in a videogame, in a way that makes narrative sense, by rewarding highly precise shots (and even putting a bit of chance in there)

it's actually better than randomly rolling a crit because you get to feel like you *accomplished* the good thing

after 20 minutes of silence, my character suddenly begins uttering the same line of battle chatter over and over again

Ok well anyway I’m literally falling asleep so fuck this