Thread by @MsEntropy

“I Have the Stupidest Life”: a menstruation and mistaken ethnicity story

*ahem*

Soooooo

I’ve been a crampy ball of pain and misery on my couch the past few days.

Last night, I ran out of Motrin and decided to walk (crawl) to the gas station.

Reader, that was my first mistake.

(PS the story is probably only going to be funny if you’re Arab or Arab-adjacent)

Dude at the counter looks Mexican - we’re in SoCal, so not surprising.

Customer yells “hola, ese!”

Counter guy gets pisssssed.

“I’M IRAQI” counter dude yells

I’m exhausted and in agony so I’m hit thinking right

And I jump in “Iraqi? For real? Where in Iraq? Who’s your family?”

… in Arabic

SHIT.

The customer (who pissed the Iraqi counter guy off by thinking he was Mexican) gets HYPED and yells “ALGERIA I LOVE ALGERIANS” at me

… in Arabic

He’s an Arab.
I am not.

Like the dumbass that I am, I’ve now interrupted a Syrian and an Iraqi fighting over who’s Mexican or not and now we’re all yelling about whether I’m Algerian, an as of yet undiscovered new Arab species or — like I KEEP INSISTING - just basic bitch American

Bro I wanted Motrin

I’m in so much pain I finally concede and tell them sure sure I’ll agree that I’m whatever kind of Arab they decided as long as they just let me but my shit and LEAVE

but is that the end, dear reader?

Of course not

Clutching my Motrin, me and my cramps try to slink back home but

Syrian homie CHASES ME ACROSS THE PARKING LOT

demanding I give him my number “as a fellow Arab”

Verbatim:

“What you getting into tonight”
— GOING HOME
“Why”
—I’M SICK
“When you gonna feel better”
—WEEK AND A HALF
“That’s long! What you got?!”

يا اخي….

Remember y’all I’m in PAIN PAIN so at this point I lose all control

cultural taboos be damned and anyway God knows we’re all extremely confused that way anyway at this point so

I just yelled:

And after screaming I AM ON THE RAG at this Syrian gentlemen caller in a San Diego parking lot at 10 pm, so you think he’s deterred, dear reader?

“3adi” sayeth my Syrian Romeo and then

“I fucks with them Algerian eyes though so lemme get your snap at least”

….

I’m never leaving my house again

If you’re not Arab you really missed out on how hilarious and normal this scene is

Story's the same but only the country names change... every damn time

https://twitter.com/MsEntropy/status/1101802004463210502?s=20

Me and my Motrin are going back to bed, so I'll reemerge again when I'm finally - slightly - less feral, Algerian or otherwise.