Thread by @imanmbadawi

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Our Children

1 In my last year of undergrad, I interned at an Islamic School while writing a research thesis contrasting western and Islamic pedagogies.

There was a young boy who was constantly getting in trouble. Even teachers were at their wit’s end

2 After one such incident, he had to sit in at recess. I took my lunch and sat with him. I didn’t say anything. I just made dua for him from my heart. He kept looking at me strangely, wondering why I took the time to sit with him.

I smiled at him and started a conversation…

3 about how terrible it is to be in trouble and how scared I was when it happened to me. His demeanor changed and he became forthcoming. I gradually shifted the conversation to his parents, inquiring as to how they react when he does something wrong…

4 He told me that his father takes a spoon/fork and rams it into his hand. Pushing back my tears strongly at that point, I asked to see the palm of his hand. I saw three indentations…

I changed the subject, joking with him about the things he likes and the people that annoy him

5 I notified a teacher that I would like to speak to his parents. I had a talk with them….

After that day, he never got in trouble again. He would see me in the hall, smile and wave.

Even as I recall this, it is hard to contain emotion. This was before I had my own children

6 I had such a relationship with the kids that their parents would come to me and say : Our children don’t listen to us, but they listen to you. Tell them to do [blank]

There was another young girl who also seemed to have problems at home….

7 Although she was non-Arab, other teachers would comment that she loved me so much that she would imitate my Quranic recitation exactly. I could tell that something was wrong, but I couldn’t change it. So I would just hug her often…

8 From these experiences, I wondered, what if my children were in a school such as this one day, but didn’t have a teacher like me.

Do I know if the teacher cares? Are they a merciful person? Do I know what exactly she is teaching them? What if…

9 What if a teacher has problems of their own which they take out on the students? If a parent could treat their child so badly, what would prevent a teacher from doing so? Does the teacher have bad character such that my child would subconsciously absorb it?

10 Does the teacher have actual proper Islamic knowledge? If my child learns the Dīn from people who don’t know it properly or who impart it without sincerity, what is the point of sending them to an Islamic school?

How can I be sure?

11 After so many experiences, I didn’t just write a research thesis, I wrote a life thesis. I vowed that I would be my child’s primary teacher, and that I would never put them in the hands of anyone whom I am not absolutely sure would treat them and teach them well.

12 Since then, I have dealt with many cases of familial discord of various types…

Children are among the greatest blessings, but they are also a huge trust. That trust is not in the hands of any institution/teacher. It’s in the parent’s hand.

13 The bond between parent & child is of the greatest manifestations of Divine Mercy on earth. This isn’t about blame. It isn’t about past occurrences. It’s about mercy.

Many parents move just for an Islamic school. They do want the best, and, yes, no solution is perfect.

14 No matter what option you chose for your children, just please, keep them close to you. Let them know that they can tell you *anything*. Let them know that you are their greatest advocate. Treat them in such a way that they know who cares and who doesn’t…

15 Ask about them regularly. Know who their friends are. Be in tune with their emotions. Know what influences them. Teach them how to use the internet, how to use email, not in the technical sense, in the moral sense. Watch shows with them. Discuss.

16 Tarbiya is not a purely religious science. It is, in fact, a human ‘science’. If you connect with your children on a human level, they will naturally take religious attitudes from you, The same is true for adults. So beware of whom they connect with.

17 Do we wonder why deviant behaviors are appearing even within ‘conservative’ (I use this in contrast to ‘religious’) households? Allah protect.

The Muslim landscape is wrought with wrong ideas. Be the gardener. Prune their faith, understanding, practice, and character.

18 If you choose someone to do the job instead, then please, by Allah, be sure you’ve chose someone who grows flowers, not someone who cuts roots.

If you neglect/mistreat your children, they will be *extremely vulnerable* to outside influence. That is true even for adults.

19 This is not about blame. It’s about mercy. Our children are priceless.

May Allah bless them, guide them, protect them, fortify their hearts, make them live and die as believers, shield them from trials, encompasses them in His Love and Care. Forever

All of them. Amīn.