Thread by @CAHutch1990

I know growing up in the suburbs is supposed to be boring, but y'all, growing up just outside of DC in the '70s was WILD.

Here is a parade of neighbors that kept us on our toes (some names changed, because well, you'll see). 1/20

We'll start with Mr. Boiler. We had a small kennel of show dogs and when he got grumpy, he would spray them with a power hose through our fence, muttering and cussing while chomping on his cigar. 2/

We'd be in the basement watching reruns of Star Trek, and someone would yell down the stairs, "HOSE!!!"

We'd panic and rush outside to try to get the dogs in before they got soaked and ruined their coats. He'd continue to spray throughout the operation. 3/

Next to him were the Nostrums, a Jewish family with a VW bus, flat monochrome furniture and red, blue & yellow modern art.

The parents tried to get their kids to call them "Ralph & Nancy," and that only lasted a week. Each kid also had a "be nice to me" day once/month. 4/

Me and boys would play street hockey in their basement, which was about the size of a postage stamp.

Later, that turned to Diplomacy & Squad Leader upstairs, where I got my butt kicked. When they got a TRS-80, a whole new world opened.

Loved that family. 5/

Across the street was a quiet family that moved from Germany, diplomatic corps, I think. Their mom wouldn't let them join in our acorn fights because "someone might lose an eye." 6/

We stockpiled acorns in a series of leaf forts built down Park Lane, a regular Maginot Line.

There were especially big acorns up on Maple Avenue, big as your thumb. We would take our red wagon and load up on those, ten for each fort. 7/

Down that way lived my friends the Marsfields, who were also in the diplomatic corps recently returned from Norway.

They knew Ted Kennedy personally, and they were not having any of his nonsense in 1980, let me tell you. 8/

Me and their boys would take sticks and pretend to be on patrol in their basement in which was a full drum set.

One of us would hit the drums suddenly, a machine gun rapping out of the sky, and we would all fall to the floor, and lay there for awhile, stricken. 9/

Across the street from us were the Oscar Myers. Yes, those Oscar Myers, the son of the hot dog co. founder.

They apparently had a lot of money but did not care so lived in a little house across from us. They had that plastic Mousetrap game, always compelling, never worked. 10/

Then there was Triangle Man. How could I forget Triangle Man?

We tied a firecracker to his front door for ding dong ditch.

Dude comes out within seconds carrying a baseball bat in nothing but a Speedo.

He'd been working out & was literally the shape of an upside down🔻. 11/

We panicked and tried to hide in the outdoor stairwell of the local Methodist Church.

He cornered us and pointing the bat, asked us where we kids lived.

I pointed vaguely up the street and for the first and only time in my life, said, "yonder." 12/

The Frackerses were a nice, urbane couple with a dog the size of a small horse. They went to the Disco every Saturday night to keep things fresh.

I would babysit for them. Way too much Love Boat & Fantasy Island. Later, when they got an Atari, that was better. 13/

Next to them were the McDougals. Mr. McDougal never seemed to have a job, and I was uncertain what he did.

All I know he is made us switch the TV to the Watergate hearings instead of Sesame Street. Later, his son grew up to be a skate punk skinhead. Not good. 14/

How to tell of the Pratts? Another genius couple who worked at NIH, helping thousands, but constantly miserable at home.

They weren't church goers, but the mom sang in the Methodist choir for the endorphins. 15/

This one time, a group of us nerds were playing D&D in their basement when a bird flew in, the cat close behind.

We dove under the table, lead figures, feathers and d20s scattering everywhere. 16/

Mr. Pratt was the one who took me and his son sailing on the Chesapeake but forgot to check his gas tanks and we ended up getting boarded by a Coast Guard cutter in the middle of the night. 17/

There were also friends who lived a little further down the street, like Alfredo who kindly invited me to his fifth birthday party.

I still remember him yelling "El Chargo" as he ran down his basement stairs. I mean, I would not tell you that if it did not literally happen. 18/

There was George who would listen to "Free to Be You and Me" on a record player on his bedroom floor and then go try on his sister's dresses, making his mom frown.

I got to watch Ultraman at his house, strictly forbidden in our home as "trash," though Kimba was fine. 19/

Then there were the Allens. Mr. Allen was a retired Air Force colonel, horn rimmed glasses. He was kind but firm.

I still remember him booking it down the street in his little Boy Scout shorts after we had rung the Methodist bell at 9pm on a Wednesday night.

He never caught us.