Things to look for in a potential relationship (short thread)
In my early 20s, I went on two dates with a guy my friends set me up with. He was a doctor too. Charming, funny, intelligent. Our conversations went well until I learned that he shames addicts (1/8)
He described them as "lazy and useless". I was taken aback, because our medical career exposes us to many people who are addicts - to alcohol, drugs, behaviors, lifestyles and here was someone who wouldn't empathize! (2/8)
I learned that it's important to:
A) Find someone who understands
the universal human struggle and doesn't judge others' behaviors. If they are judge others they likely will judge themselves+you.
B) Find someone who is willing to have uncomfortable conversations with you -
We meet many people who would rather leave misunderstandings unresolved than have uncomfortable conversation. Avoidance doesn't inspire trust. When I eventually found someone who was ready to have uncomfortable conversations to resolve differences, I realized love can be easy 4/8
C) Find someone who doesn't idolise you. You don't wanna be seen as perfect because you are NOT! When the "idoliser" realizes your natural flaws, their delusion will shatter and the love dies down. The right person on the other hand, (5/8)
loves your strengths, points out your flaws and appreciates you for the human being you are, not the God you don't have to be.
D) Find someone who will be your friend as well as your lover. REALLY. Someone you can literally HAVE a conversation with, someone who... (6/8)
cheers you on for your good days and is there for you when you're down and out. If they don't have the qualities that can make them a good friend, they are not relationship material. So START with a good solid friendship and then move towards the chemistry. (7/8)
E). Find someone who will make an effort to be with you and meet the needs of a relationship - time, communication, commitment. Remember, you want a relationship, not a project.
Chemistry is a dime a dozen. Good friendship is rare. A good person, rarer. It takes time 💖 (8/8)
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Things to look for in healthy friendships (short thread)
When I wrote about what healthy relationships, I mentioned that friendship is the CORE component. Too many of us waste our time on unhealthy friendships because many of us grow up not knowing what "healthy" is..(1/8)
Until I formed healthy adult friendships, I didn't realize what one looks like. What my close friends have in common, are kindness, intelligence + trustworthiness. Finding a good friend feels a lot like finding love for many reasons, because they're practically the same (2/8)
1. Find someone who supports you when you're on track + calls you out on ill-informed decisions - not every decision we make is in our best interest. Sometimes we lack perspective. Find someone who isn't afraid to tell you where you're wrong - THAT is in your best interest (3/8)