Thread by @we_are_nina

In the early hours of today, I asked for help and this is my experience:

NHS 111 Dr said I needed a Dr at home or an ambulance - he decided upon a doctor visit.

But 2nd Dr phoned, ordering an ambulance that arrives quickly.

Paramedic phones the 1st Dr and discusses how I am.

1st Dr speaks to me and says I need to be in a safe place and not alone. I explain my worry I won't be able to get home again to a remote area. Virtually no public transport that I cannot use anyway even if it were better. I have severe PTSD.

Assures me, I will be given a taxi.

Are you sure? I really won't be able to cope if that doesn't happen. Are you sure I need to go? Dr: "Yes"

During the journey, I'm panicking about being able to get home, am constantly reassured by paramedic all will be ok. They will impress upon staff that I must have a taxi.

Psych. Liaison nurses come and look annoyed that I'm even there. They don't want to see me: "You were here recently." I know, I said. I tried to justify that the doctors & paramedics had all talked about that; & all agreed I should be at the hospital.

Took me into a side room.

They talked to me for only a few minutes. Told them of some recent changes: my overnight income removal and the sudden death last week of a woman that has deeply affected me. Increased hopelessness...

They ended the conversation and took me back out to the ward to discharge me.

They said they'd give me a bus ticket and my face displayed terror. I tried to explain how I'd been assured I could go home by taxi and could not use public transport. I said I couldn't do it and started crying. I asked them for a reasonable adjustment because of my disability.

They said no.

I pleaded with them. Begged them, even: "I promise I will never come to the hospital again if you will let me have a taxi home".

They said no. And then they called Security Guards.

I became terrified and cried even more; this resulted in a major panic attack.

Nurses: "You are distressing patients" (when in such a distressed state myself that I can now no longer breathe, speak or move.

(My brain: men in black uniform = violence and rape)

Security men in aggressive stances and folded arms: "We are here to protect the public".

But 'the public' didn't include me.

I did not have that status. I did not have that worth.

They all looked at me with contempt - a 'thing' that was to be removed.

They said if I didn't get out of the hospital immediately, I'd be "escorted" and they would also call POLICE.

Remember I have severe PTSD and am in the middle of a full blown panic attack and am unable to move or breathe. I've been raped by police.

I was sent to the hospital by doctors as a needed 'Place of Safety'.

Then, across the ward came a person who went past them all to help.

It was the lady who'd been pushing the tea trolley. She brought me a drink but I could not even hold it, I was shaking that much.

This older woman took me away from them and into a side room and sat me on a bed. She helped me to breathe, helped me to drink, helped to calm me.

The nurses and Security Guards were waiting outside the room. I managed to whisper to the tea lady: "you're the only person who's been kind to me".

I left the hospital alone, in a heightened state of fear.

Now, I am left utterly traumatised.

#SuicidePrevention #AskForHelp