Thread by @Clive_Hill

Sunday Thread (1)
Dealing with parents can be challenging, & @MBDscience makes a great point - ECTs aren't explicitly taught what to do. Left to sink or swim isn't a great place to leave folk, so here's my advice on parental engagement:

https://twitter.com/MBDscience/status/1421606928250245123

(2) Parents (Ps) can have their own hang-ups from negative experiences at school. It is our job to repair this damage if we want to have effective relationships with them. Start by putting then on the same level as you.

(3) This is easily done from the start of the call:

"Is that Mr/Mrs X? Hiya, it's Clive Hill from <Sch>, I teach S science."

Straight off the bat, you have used your first name. This removes the ingrained power dynamic from when they were a student themselves.

(4) Set your stall out early, if it's your 1st call home, make sure to:

Apologise for not calling sooner.

Explain that your goal is to help S achieve their full potential, & be successful in life, because that's what we all want for S, right? (No parent has disagreed yet!)

(5) Use a "praise sandwich" (this is the sch-friendly term!):

I don't care what positive spin you have to put on something, but open with it. "I really enjoy having S in my lessons..." is enough.

This has parent on-side, and knowing you care about their kid.

(6) Now you've given some praise, you drop in the reason for the call:

"Unfortunately, today <insert reason for call home>, and S has picked up a detention for this. I was really hoping that we could work together to see it doesn't happen again."

(7) You aren't othering P, you're including them in the solution. This removes the 'them and us', & will result in:

P agreeing to talk to S.

P admitting it is an issue with S at home, & as *you* for advice.

You having the chance to ask for advice on how to deal with S.

(8) Now we wrap up the call with some praise again:

"Thanks so much for your support, Mr/Mrs X. I really appreciate you giving me your time. I'm sure we will get S back on track together."

(9) Scripting this really helps if you're unconfident at the start! We do it with questioning in lessons, so why change what works!

(10) How to deal with confrontational parents:

Before you make that 1st call home, speak to staff that know the family. You'll know what to expect. The 'script' doesn't change, but you're not going to be ambushed with an attack from nowhere.

(11) Let them say their piece.

If you're the 4th call home today, you bet they might want to say something about it. Apologise for needing to make the call. Explain that it is part of the behaviour policy, so that we can work together for the best possible outcomes for S.

(12) We are the frontline ambassadors for our schs. Ps will vent & gripe; expect it. *Do not* take verbal abuse or threats. Politely end the call - "I'm sorry that I've caught you at a bad time. I'm going to end the call here, and log that we've spoken, but not resolved things".

(13) Report the conversation via email to: SLT Beh link, HoY/HoH, & HoD. If it is *just rudeness, then make the call again yourself. This is important to build the relationship up.

*I don't mean this to dismiss the impact of the beh.

(14) If the call went particularly badly, ask for someone higher up to arrange for a parent-meeting, and to be there. Just like Ss, Ps can often lash out because the fight or flight response has kicked in. Their own exp at sch can feed into them defending the indefensible.

(15) The bigger picture here is that effective relationships between stakeholders (to use the term I'd put into a book) means that S gets the best possible sch experience. P feels supported, not judged as a bad parent.

(16) I can't stress the power of positive calls home. Especially if you know you've a challenging student in your class. Early intervention here will build up a positive relationship before you have to make that beh call home.

(17) Avoid: Comments that are judgemental or apportion blame on P. This is the quickest way to lose any good faith. It's an aggressive power-play that will only put backs up, feeding the 'them and us' narrative. Our job is to nurture good relationships with Ps as much as Ss.

(18) Keep using your first name. It makes you a person, not the organisation. It is far harder to be aggressive toward a person than "the school" as an entity. It removes those hang-ups from a P's own sch experience.

(19) My DMs or this thread are open if you've any questions.

I'll put a blog together at some point that'll explain how peacekeeping and nurturing customers outside of Ed informs what I do.