Thread by @jonubian

This tweet has been retweeted over 1,000 times & liked over 6,000 times, & I want to address publicly what I got completely wrong while tweeting it.

https://twitter.com/jonubian/status/1429667140785815552

That tweet was meant to be a snarky recap of a conversation I had with a male homie who was seeking advice about a woman he’s been seeing who requires “too much attention” from him. She wants regular communication and dates. He wants easy connection and sex.

The tweet was not a reaction to my own personal dating frustrations. I told the homie that if he wants to treat sex as a transaction/service, he should pay for it and hire a sex worker.

He was offended because (whether he wanted to admit it or not) he believes that he’s above being involved with sex workers. We talked about my belief that (ethical) sex work is legitimate work and should be legalized.

We also talked about how men like him desire intimacy and connection, but have no clue how to reciprocate it equally. And how the desire to receive intimacy and connection without the intention of returning is manipulative and toxic.

Of course, when I tweeted the OP, I wasn’t thinking deeply about my word choices. I was just chuckling @ that exchange with my friend & thought I’d maybe make someone else chuckle too. What I did unintentionally was devalue sex workers. Here’s how I did that & why it was wrong.

I punched down with that tweet. Period. Sex workers are vulnerable to all kinds of violence and my suggestion that toxic men who manipulate and coerce women should be handed over to sex workers only pushes more violence towards them- whether that was intentional or not.

Because my tweet wasn’t a response to my own dating experiences, I didn’t stop to think that I was implying I deserve a certain kind of care that other people (namely sex workers) don’t, when I tweeted it. But that’s absolutely how the tweet could be read. And I’m wrong asf.

I tapped into the frustrations that many women feel as they try to date and partner. Coercion and manipulation in dating absolutely should be addressed. I didn’t have to dehumanize sex workers to introduce that conversation.

Until that tweet went viral, I thought I was an advocate for sex work and sex workers. Clearly, that’s not the case and I have a lot of work to do.

I appreciate the critiques I’ve seen that have called me out to do better and help me accountable for my own toxicity.

Came back (again) to say thank you to all who learned along with me- and even taught me more- about how to be a proper ally.

I never expect accolades for being an accountable, decent human being. It’s the standard. It’s not disempowering to own mistakes.

Also! I used legalization instead of decriminalization while commenting on on sex work + sex workers. I used the words interchangeably, but they are not. Sex-worker led advocacy groups want decriminalization. Important distinction.

If you’re interested in learning more about the decriminalization of sex work (which is closely tied to PIC abolition work) here are a few resources: npr.org/2019/03/22/705…

amnesty.org/en/qa-policy-t…

On decriminalization vs legalization:

“[Decriminalization] does not mean the removal of laws that criminalize exploitation, human trafficking or violence against sex workers. These laws must remain and can and should be strengthened…

…It does mean the removal of laws and policies criminalizing or penalizing sex work.
This includes laws and regulations related to selling and buying or organising sex work, such as solicitation, renting premises, “brothel keeping” and living off the proceeds of “prostitution”.

From: amnesty.org/en/qa-policy-t…