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Slava Malamud Profile picture
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2 Sep, 4 tweets, 1 min read
Well, if she wanted to be president, she should've have killed Benghazi with pizza emails.
Future historians sifting through the ruins of America's civilization will mostly be absolutely dumbfounded by the sheer staggering quality of stupidity we have allowed to run rampant, rule our lives and make fateful decisions.
"She called half the country deplorables!", gasped and hollered half a country, while voting for a golden-toilet oligarch whol called half the country evil, disgusting, anti-American and enemies of the people.
But maybe I am flattering us. Maybe the biggest issue future historians sifting through the ruins of America's civilization will be concerned with is where exactly rugby took such a devastatingly wrong turn as to allow fortified, weaponized armor that pulverized human brains.

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More from @SlavaMalamud

Slava Malamud Profile picture
6 Sep
Every single "both sides" story, every single Ohio diner feature, the entire idea of listening to Trumpers and asking their opinions is ENTIRELY predicated on the notion that dumbass white people are uniquely entitled to have their voices heard because they are "real America."
For some inexplicable reason, nobody ever comes to ask me shit, to find out what Russian-born public school teachers in Baltimore think about the political climate. I am well-read and well-informed, I can speak in complete sentences.
But I must be fake America or something.
What is there to be heard from Trumpers that is still a mystery? We know why they vote for him. We know their guiding forces are hate, resentment and fear. Everyone knew this 5 years ago.
What matters is feeding that destructive and mendacious notion that they are "real America."
Read 10 tweets
Slava Malamud Profile picture
3 Sep
Randomly retweeting the greatest sports game I have ever seen, whether in person or on TV. Nothing else is anywhere close.
For historical context:
1) None of the teams I root for ever win anything
2) Dulaney's ice hockey team has been, for many years, the Maryland high school league's softest doormat
3) The arena was absolutely packed, and this was the only time ever Dulaney had a student section...
4) My only wish was for them to not embarrass themselves in the final. I hoped for nothing more.
5) The first goal was scored by a player recovering from a bad injury. The second, an empty-netter, by another player, who happens to be a girl, also playing through an injury...
Read 7 tweets
Slava Malamud Profile picture
2 Sep
Here is what's been baffling me about both Russia and America lately... It's the apathetic tolerance of evil and annoyed rejection of good. Allow me to explain what I mean.
Let's start with Russia, which is ruled by a lawless, tyrannical, oligarchic regime...
The regime allows only trace amounts of democracy, while fixing elections, ruthlessly stomping out opposition and enriching those in the inner circle.
Here is the thing, though: EVERYONE in Russia knows how corrupt the rulers are. This is partly why Navalny's quest was quixotic..
He can make tons of videos about the palaces Putin's clique owns, about the billions they embezzle, about the businesses they illegally take over, about how their children live abroad with foreign passports while any casual remark by a citizen deemed unpatriotic is actionable...
Read 11 tweets
Slava Malamud Profile picture
31 Aug
As a public school teacher, and I've NEVER heard any child express any problems with masks. Kids are totally fine with them. At worst, they are a mild inconvenience. NOTHING more.
All the hysterics and all the tantrums are coming from parents. And it's always about politics.
It's not anecdotal evidence. It's a cold, hard fact. Kids don't care. They are fine, they are resilient, they have a sense of humor about it. Some knuckleheads will play with them or wear them as blinders or chinstraps, but nobody out there is screaming to take it off...
THE KIDS ARE FINE. The parents aren't.
And for them, this is about one thing only - their allegiance to Trump. They are using their children as a front to throw a fit about politics, to make a stupid stand against liberals, or however else this is playing out in their heads.
Read 4 tweets
Slava Malamud Profile picture
27 Aug
Yesterday, I posted what I thought would've been mildly interesting to those of my followers who follow soccer, but, as is the case with many of my threads about my Soviet life, it has gone viral.
Folks around the globe are asking about Transnistria...
So, let's talk about Transnistria, shall we? The country so mysterious that even the great @KenJennings got some of the facts wrong in his and @johnroderick's wonderful podcast, "The Omnibus."
Transnistria is where I was born and raised. Or not. It depends on how you define it...
See, nothing about Transnistria is definite. Or even real. It's a narrow strip of land on the eastern bank of the Dniester River. At its widest part, it can't take even the slowest driver to cross it in any more than half an hour. And yes, it is functionally independent...
Read 30 tweets
Slava Malamud Profile picture
27 Aug
Ask anyone, "Who is the greatest athlete of your lifetime?", and while the correct answer is doubtlessly Usain Bolt or Michael Phelps, 99% will name a team sport star.
Is there any other question with an obvious answer that everyone gets so wrong?
Maybe, "Does god exist?"
Bonus points if you argue that it's Mijain Lopez. Based on having no rivals at all.
But most of you will probably come at me with Serena or Bo Jackson or Tiger Woods or some equally nonsensical take.
An absolute cacophony of folks trying to prove to me that swimming or running in a straight line cannot qualify a person to be a great athlete, because give him the damn ball already!
Lol k
Read 4 tweets

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