Thread by @isocrime

YOU KNOW WHAT

it's been a hard fucking week. what if 🐱 woke up with a surprise pussy one morning and went directly to ask 🐶 what to do with it

(even though G doesn't know the first thing about vag, given, you know, it's not a place he really ventures)

we are not explaining how this happened. it just did. Z's alarm goes off and he stumbles into the bathroom to piss and -- huh. HUH! why is his dick gone?

first reaction: feel around his crotch to see if it's just hiding (it's not)

second reaction: oooooooooh that's new

third reaction: grabbing his chest to see if he has boobs too (no more than usual)

then he remembers he meant to pee and he has to SIT to do it, how novel. and weird. and he kind of wants his dick back and oh riGHT WHY IS HIS DICK GONE

he didn't take any weird medicines or anything, he just went to bed in his house like usual

what if it's gone /forever/

he comes out of the bathroom (his underwear fit weird, it's brushing against him different) and notices a bright red note on his nightstand, which says:

"hi it's the smut wizard, you'll go back to normal in 24 hours, go to town"

oh. well that's good!

Z calls his golf buddies to tell them he doesn't feel well. ate something bad, yeah, that's exactly what it is. got the shits, really unpleasant, he'll rest up and be better in 24 hours

then he gets a makeup mirror and holds it between his legs to check it out

it's a good pussy! soft and gets wet really quick, tastes heavily sour (you know he tasted it IMMEDIATELY), delicate-feeling

he can't live with this secret alone. for some reason it feels like a really important thing for Z's occasional-dick-pic-sharing platonic buddy G to know

it's totally normal to have a dick-pic-sharing buddy, by the way. somebody's gotta help pick which ones are the best, and Z isn't very good at taking selfies

G knows how to use filters and photoshop and depth of focus stuff to make everything really flattering

(G has been desperately trying to get Z into bed and not getting anywhere. his dick-pic-coaching is blatantly seductive. it involves sending pictures back. Z is still waiting for G to make the first move, unaware G has made about fifty first moves and Z is just an idiot)

"look what showed up last night, i've got it for 24 hours," Z texts, along with a picture of his temporary vag (artful)

G is surprised that Z is talking so crudely about his hookup! Z isn't big on casual sex (for all his posturing he's a big sap who values having a Connection)

G: ah, did you get her permission before you sent that?
Z: what? whose permission?
G: the girl's???
Z: i would never send a random girl's dirty picture! you think i'm a sleaze? when have i ever been a sleaze? jj, so mean to your laoshi

this doesn't make anything more clear? G still feels nothing is clear?

okay maybe Z is using pussy shots trying to recruit G to be their a third? he's offering G 24 hours to pick him up on a 3some with this new gf, then

shit, is G going to take him up on it? is he that thirsty?

G doesn't really...do...women. on the other hand, he'd do Z into next week. is it worth it? can his heart survive being a sexual accessory to Z's real relationship? (a relationship Z didn't even tell him about first, that stings)

who is he kidding, a chance to get his mouth on Z's dick is a chance to get his mouth on Z's dick and ruin him for all other blowjobs ever and then ride into the sunset to go get married thanks to G's trusty "pleasecomeonme" face

he's got questions about this girl though, like why does she want to have a 3some with Z's old costar who has a transparent, public crush on him

is she a fan who thinks the two of them together are hot? that feels weird, G is ok with cpfs in theory but uh...not so much in bed

more clarification is needed.

G: for real, why are you sharing your gf's pics w/ me?
Z: huh? i don't have a gf
G, rolling his eyes at Z splitting hairs: your female partner
Z: hahahahahahahahaha
Z: the picture is of me
Z: i woke up and had this instead of a dick

G: bullshit

Z: i swear!!!!
G: lies
Z: it's mine! look how pretty, who but everyone's favorite lp could have a pussy so nice
G: you're not even funny, you know
G: i know you copied it off the internet
Z: did not!
G: i'm reverse image searching this on baidu, i bet it's the first result

Z can't stop laughing at how completely off-base G is. although the smut wizard is kind of far-fetched, so he shouldn't blame G for being confused. imagining G's futile internet search has Z in even worse stitches

not so hot now, mr baidu spokesman!

G is looking at way more pictures of vagina than he wanted to this morning.

none of them is Z's stupid prank photo

G's confusion is funny but Z still wants help emotionally processing his new downstairs area. he holds his phone up above his head and points it down to take a picture that shows both his face and his non-dick junk

G: photoshop
Z: why won't you just believe me!
G: because it's crazy!
Z: okay yeah but i'm telling the truth
G: not falling for it
G: no way
G: your jokes are so stupid
Z: /fine,/ gimme a sec

[Z has shared a video file]
Z: proof

G is a little scared to watch. but he also wants to know!

aaaaaaand that sure is Z, shirtless, pink from laughing too hard and grinning like a loon, and that's a dizzying flip of the camera to shoot between his legs, where...

it really does look like Z's muscular thighs and softly sculpted abs. and that sure isn't a dick. G knows that Z hasn't been hiding this in his pants all along, he's SEEN Z's junk, both in shared dick pics and in person when the man was careless in the dressing room

it's a really convincing fake, if it's fake. but it's poooooossible that there's a cut hidden in the part where Z flips the camera around, and some muscular lady has been stitched into the video

G watches again

to see how it was faked, obviously.

it's gotta be fake, people don't just wake up with different junk. if Z wanted to be a woman and had already got surgery - this is too weird a way to tell G, even for Z at his craziest.

the weird thing is that Z showing off his prank pussy has G feeling a little revved up

pussy doesn't turn G on. his life would be a LOT easier if it did. he tested this out extensively when he hit puberty with all kinds of porn and one very patient classmate who turned out to be a lesbian (they have brunch)

G: you are way too into this prank, ge
G: how did you edit this together it's actually really good
Z: i come to you looking for sympathy and instead you're like this. tch, you're so stubborn

[Z is calling - press to join video chat]

what's G going to do, not pick up? even if it means - WOW THAT'S AN EYEFUL

"see?" Z says

whatever Z sees on G's face makes him snort and giggle

"it's real!"

he plays with it a bit to show it off, which leaves G with a weird buzzing in his ears for no reason

it looks way too realistic to be some x-rated douyin knockoff filter. but G is grasping at straws right now, he'll consider anything

"you can't trick me," G says, trying and failing to avert his eyes from how Z keeps spreading his pussy lips and letting them slip closed again

"whatever app you've downloaded to mess with me is going to give your phone so many viruses."

"not convinced???? jj, this is WAY too good to be a filter, look at it"

G IS ALREADY LOOKING AND DOESN'T NEED THE REMINDER THAT Z IS ABSENTMINDEDLY JILLING IT IN FRONT OF HIM THANKS

[whoops delivery got here faster than expected, uh...back in a bit]

“come over,” Z says, reeeeeally hoping today is one of G’s actual rest days and not a day that says rest on the schedule he shares with Z but actually means 8 hours of secret rehearsal

“I’m supposed to be filming auditions today”

“but I miss you”

the secret weapon always works

“I still don’t buy it,” G says. his ears feel hot. he’s too aware that he could save the video Z sent and watch it whenever he wanted

“yeah yeah yeah,” Z says. “you’re a big tech-savvy skeptic, too smart for this old man. come visit, me and my 100% real coochie are lonely”

Z...doesn’t admit very often that he’s lonely. they don’t talk about that part of things much. it’s not...they just don’t.

mostly Z crows about his endless free time and his sprawling, climate-controlled house.

“all right,” G says, and the way Z smiles makes him feel all melty

it’s gonna take G a couple hours to get to Z’s place, and Z tells himself he’s not going to spend all that time masturbating.

he succeeds on a technicality because he spends 20 min wandering around the house asking the internet if x object is safe to use as a dildo

[shit, personal thing just came up, gonna have to break for the night and continue later]

[the personal thing is resolved, we've ordered lunch, time to see how many pussy tweets i can write in 30-45 minutes]

Z's last ex took all her sex toys with her when she dumped him, so he's SOL for actual things to stick in his cunt.

feeling around downstairs revealed that he's kind of virginal (heh heh heh) so nothing too big...

(guess whose fingers are looong and narrow)

the handle of an electric toothbrush with a condom over it it is! he keeps an extra around in case of visitors.

it is super awkward to be doing this on himself instead of somebody else. he can’t just stick his mouth on it and the angle for fingers isn’t the same

G, meanwhile, is in the back of a car looking things up. he doesn’t believe Z, he’s not that gullible, no matter how fans tease him. but he’s gonna be...prepared. not that he thinks Z is going to want him to do anything! he’s researching so he can help Z figure out what’s normal.

be gentle, go slow, listen to your partner, blah blah blah that’s all the same as sex with a dick!

“how is eating pussy different from rimming”

well that’s not educational at all it’s just straight ass-eating porn [the author tested this for accuracy]

finally some tips - “find the clitoris”

G has no idea how to do that. he re-watched the video Z sent him and tries to line up all those blurry pink bits with the black and white diagram from online. maybe he would just have to bury his face between Z’s thighs and suck on bits -

- until Z bucked and told him to keep going like that, softer or faster or with more tongue, whatever he asked for, hands in G’s hair pulling him down until it filled his throat and G had to relax the back of his tongue and let him take all the pleasure he wanted while...

oops.

this is what G gets for spending too much time jerking it to Z’s dick pics (don’t judge, what Z doesn’t know can’t hurt him)

there isn’t even sex on offer; Z is just emotionally constipated and would rather construct an elaborate prank than admit he wants to see his friend

meanwhile at home, Z is also trying to find the clitoris while dying from curiosity about what cunnilingus feels like on the receiving end.

his fingers are wet and pruny and he hasn’t managed to have an orgasm yet even though he’s been trying SO HARD.

pussies are tricky. Z thought he was great at them but maybe not! shit, he hopes his girlfriends weren’t faking it with him. he wouldn’t blame them though, this is exhausting. Z flops down on the bed and licks his fingers clean, then grabs his phone

“you almost here?”

“bad traffic, 10 min away”

this is...slightly untrue. not that the traffic was great. G told his driver he needed to make a call and to drive around the back way. that’s also a bit untrue. he just needs extra time to meditate his boner away. curse his impeccably fitted slacks!

Z takes the time to grab a pair of joggers and slide them up over his hips. he pats curiously at his crotch once they’re on. so flat! also he didn’t bother with underwear and he’d sure never noticed that seam placement so much before, hahaha phew!

shirt...nah. he and G spent half their time on set lounging around shirtless, and G will be comforted to see in the flesh that Z doesn’t have surprise tits too.

Z is a little aware this is a stupid reason. so maybe he’s had time to work out and he’s filled out some! whatever!

Z thinks he looks good. manly. he hasn’t had to wax his happy trail or keep his waist willowy-slim. he’s eating carbs and letting his hair grow shaggy, tickling his ears

when the doorbell rings, Z shifts the waistband of his sweats a little lower on his hips and goes to let G in

Z opens the door and G is immediately confronted by an impish aren’t-I-just-the-cutest-scamp smile and a LOT of bare chest

he JUST got rid of that boner.

G tells himself firmly to imagine that Z is telling the truth and doesn’t even have a dick for him to suck right now.

dear boner: pretend there’s no dick for you here. just a perplexing new hole between Z’s legs, wet and soft and incongruous with his firm pecs and narrow hips and -

fuck’s sake.

[lunch break 😘😘😘]

Z beckons G in. he holds G still by the upper arm to look him over. he squeezes gently, and rubs this thumb up and down the inside of G's bicep.

"you look tired, bao" he says (platonic pet name). G's face must give something away: Z lets go to pat his shoulder.

"not all of us are bumming around the golf course all day," G retorts, grabbing Z's hand before he can get Ideas and start playing poke-n-tickle in the foyer

"still handsome, don't worry," Z says, and scrunches his nose at him. "you want some food?"

G replies "not if you made it" on autopilot, and Z is moonwalking backward towards the kitchen before G can ask what Z is up to with his extended i-have-a-pussy joke.

"so you'll cook for me? i have fresh prawns~~" Z says with a grin

"you don't! z-laoshi i will not!" (he would)

"nah, you got me, but ma dropped off some soup the other day"

Z puttering around the kitchen still shirtless, muttering to himself about where this and that has gotten off to, makes G's heart swell. in a better world...

Z does a little twirl, feeling bubbly, a bit drunk on G's presence already (maybe his friends are right that he's going stir crazy and needs to see human beings other than his golf buddies more often)

G, who was non-platonically oogling Z's ass (what, it's a good ass) while he pulled a big pot out of the fridge, catches a side-on view of Z's crotch.

there is a very tell-tale bulge.

"i knew it!" G declares, pointing

"you looked! you looked, so dirty, i knew you'd look!"

"who sent who pictures? who's the dirty one!"

to G's shock and horny awe, Z just reaches INTO HIS PANTS and grabs the bulge. he makes an exaggerated eyes-rolled-back slack-mouthed pleasure face, then yanks his hand back out, holding a sock.

"fooled you twice!" Z crows

now Z has confirmed that G peeks below the belt when he thinks Z isn't looking, HAH. busted, buster!

"wait so you - "

G looks at the sock (Z is waving it obnoxiously in his face, it's hard not to look), then at Z's crotch. he thinks the wrinkles there could still be hiding dick

"i almost believed you!" G says, wagging his finger.

"what do you mean /almost?/" Z says, giving him a put-out little pout. then he's coming over

grabbing G by the wrist

and dragging G's hand palm-first against his crotch.

okay.

that's happening.

breathe, G. breathe.

"see?"

Z cants his hips up against where he's got G's hand pinned against him. look ma, no dick! G involuntarily curls his fingers over Z's mound and feels that Z's pants are damp between the legs from where he's wet underneath them

G's fitted slacks are not helping him at all.

abort mission! G is by no means the leader of this stupid venture but he's staging a coup in order to beat a hasty tactical retreat. he pulls his hand away and DOESN'T rub his fingers together to see if they've come away slippery, he doesn't, he has so much self control

Z's grip gets a little firmer on G's wrist and keeps him from going to far.

"super weird, right?" he says, beaming expectantly up into G's face.

"ah......ah. mm. yeah - weird."

"i just woke up like this!"

"is it a health problem?" G asks worriedly. he only played a doctor on TV, if Z wants medical help he's going to have to go to the hospital

"seems to work okay," Z says, shrugging. "the smut wizard left a note saying i'd get my dick back tomorrow."

"oh."

"i can't get it to come though, so maybe it /is/ broken."

Z finally looks a little bit concerned. G is still processing /smut wizard/ and can't come to the phone right now.

it's for the best, really. let's give him a minute.

thoughts and prayers for jj.

[that's a wrap for tonight, be back tomorrow! 🦪💦]

“I’m glad you’re taking it well,” G says eventually.

Z shrugs. “If I still have a coochie tomorrow then we’ll worry about it. Until then — haven’t you always wondered what it would be like?”

G can’t say he has, no.

Z is frankly a little disappointed that G hasn’t asked to see. he knows G is gay but — pussy! hot virgin pussy, no strings attached, combined with a perfect excuse of curiosity and skepticism and helping a friend explore his temporary body changes.

buuuuut Z feels slightly guilty that he twisted G’s arm to get him to come over because he wanted to try out cunnilingus and dick and couldn’t think of anyone else to booty call. he’d said he missed G, and that’s true, so even though he’d been hoping for G to jump his bones...

they can sit around and catch up too. whatever makes G the happiest is good. Z makes tea and sets G up on the couch and settles down next to him.

“this is nice,” Z says. “comfy.”

“old man,” G says. “no social media, just drink tea and talk about how nice it is to relax”

“it is nice,” Z says. he reaches up to rub the back of G’s neck, where he can see the tension in his muscles at a glance.

G makes a stifled little noise of relief.

“you’re stiff!” Z scolds him, digging his fingers in deeper and getting a pained grunt.

“I should send you to my personal trainer. she’ll scold you until your ears are burning — letting it get this bad! what have you been up to, jj?”

“work,” G says, putting on a brave smile even as Z manhandles him around so he’s sideways on the couch, back accessible

“working too hard,” Z says gently, and gets to work on G’s rock-hard shoulders.

G could say — well. they both know too keenly why G is stocking up on money, connections and an exit strategy. and if he’s been thinking that maybe Z’s been waiting to reciprocate until it’s safer...

“ow ow ow, there there there,” G says when Z gets to a particularly nasty knot.

“tip your head forward and i’ll get it out,” Z says patiently. he’s gotten absorbed in his task, to the point of forgetting all but a low simmer of arousal. “like that, good boy.”

well that’s just unfair.

G is a nice gay boy and he doesn’t deserve Z calling him good while digging his fingers into all his sore spots and making little unconscious grunts of effort that sound like sex noises.

“do you have a headache?” Z asks, rubbing little circles behind G’s ears.

G has had a headache for approximately a month. he doesn’t even have to admit it aloud — Z re-arranges them again, blithely dragging G’s limbs around until he’s on his back, feet dangling with his knees thrown over the arm of the couch, head resting on Z’s thigh.

Z gets to work massaging G’s scalp. he likes doing this for his friends, the feeling of fingers in their hair, watching the tension ease. he’s good at it — his hands are strong, his touch practiced.

G groans and turns his face into Z’s stomach to hide what it’s doing to him

“you’re messing up my hair,” G says, nose pressed into Z’s firm, bare abs.

“I’ll lend you a hat,” Z reassures him.

“Mm.”

G can smell something faintly musky he thinks might be Z’s cunt.

“rest a bit,” Z says in a chiding voice, as he presses sure fingers into G’s temples.

can’t hurt to close his eyes a bit, can it? he has all day with Z, time to nap, enjoy z-mama’s soup for lunch and then G can brave whatever odds and ends are in Z’s kitchen to cook dinner for them both, and they can sit and talk and figure out what to do about the puss situation.

Z watches fondly as G slowly relaxes into sleep. G can nap in his lap for a bit, the sleep will be good for him. it’s enough to just be close to him (enough for /what/ Z isn’t thinking too hard about)

he does notice, after G has closed his eyes, that there’s a tent in his slacks

that’s okay! plenty of guys get hard when they’re sleepy, it’ll go down eventually. Z has noticed that G gets erections pretty easily in general (somebody help maomao he’s so dumb) and isn’t mad about it.

it the sight does...haha...make him think some thoughts. about dick. and what he has between his legs right now. he’s still wet from all those explorations earlier plus more from G’s hand briefly on him (do women secretly carry tissues around for this? it’s gotta be a problem)

G could tip him back and slide right in, bigger and warmer than Z’s spare electric toothbrush, breath hot in the crook of Z’s neck instead of gusting steadily against his hip

he knows G would be gentle, would be conscientious about how new all the sensations were to Z

he could be forgiven for touching himself just a LITTLE, right? over the pants. he’s got a pubic hair itching at him. G won’t even know if Z adjusts a bit. he’s sleeping, so conked out he’s even drooling a bit on Z’s thigh.

he’ll just be really really careful not to jostle him.

a brief touch turns into a longer touch turns into grinding against the seam of his pants, heel of his hand pressed exactly in the right spot, tiny slow movements that send sparks and jolts up into his tummy. G snuggles closer in his sleep, so cute Z could just kiss him

something builds low in Z’s gut, perhaps the elusive orgasm he kept failing to achieve earlier! he wants it so bad, he’ll be quiet, if he can just get there he’ll be satisfied.

Z tips his head back against the couch and tries to breathe evenly.

ah, he’s getting close

his pants are soaked all the way through, everything is so slippery and swollen and good, folds of his cunt sliding against themselves as every feeling amplifies, up and up and up

almost

almost...

G’s phone rings.

Z whips his hand away as G wakes with a jerk and a confused, plaintive sound.

“Wha — where —“ G says, slapping around at his pockets looking for the phone.

“Coffee table,” Z says, nudging G with his knee to indicate the right direction.

G sits up to take the call; Z silently curses every god he can think of. consequences be damned he was about to experience the female orgasm!!! his bad luck strikes again. life is so unfair

poor G, who had been sleeping so peacefully, Z’s poor poor tired bao doesn’t deserve this

“they said that was wrapped,” G is saying, plainly irritated. “no, it’s not — okay. okay. i know.”

Z raises an eyebrow. G rolls his eyes at the phone and mouths “work.”

that’s the least good option! Z has a bad feeling that his nice afternoon with G is about to go up in smoke

“make them pay through the nose,” G snaps. “i know we don’t need it, they have to understand not to pull this — well that’s hardly our fault! mm. i’ll talk to him.”

Z smothers a grin at how fierce G can be on the phone when he wants to be. not half as naive as he looks.

Z gets up to find a shirt while G cooly requests an absurd amount of money and then refuses to budge a cent.

whoever’s on the other end of the phone must be in a real bind because it sounds like they’re going to call G’s bluff and actually shell out

G hangs up and smacks his phone against his knee several times, then sighs and scrubs both hands through his hair until it’s even more of a mess.

“KFC had a massive data outage,” G explains. “ad proofs are due in 2 days and they need to reshoot almost everything.”

Z doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry, so he picks laughter. Fuck’s sake. somebody is about to lose their job.

“how much are they paying you to come back tonight?” Z asks.

G tells him and Z whistles at the sum, then slaps him comfortingly on the back.

“go make money, boss”

“i wanted to spend time with you,” G says, giving Z the most enormous puppy dog eyes he can summon.

“i know,” Z says, and pulls G into a hug. G melts with another heavy sigh. times like this make Z glad he left the industry. they own everything: your body, your face, your time.

then, too soon, G is gone, messy hair hidden under one of Z’s favorite hats (white baseball cap, Gucci, naturally; see image)

Z doesn’t feel like playing with himself anymore. somehow he misses his friend more now than he did before the visit. he puts on a mask and a bucket hat and takes the dog for a walk, sulking.

kfc has truly outdone themselves with their upcoming product. after the “success” of prawn taco they are expanding with a new menu item in the same vein: tuna salad taco

[i’m not censoring kfc, they know what they’ve done]

G arrives to a set in absolute chaos. a makeup artist plucks weakly at his hair in silent horror. G glares at everyone, saving up 100% of his smiles for when the cameras are rolling. he is going to be professional, efficient, and they’re going to end on time, so help him.

if they’re done early enough he can call Z before bed and they can talk and maybe G will be daring and flirt a little more than usual and the day won’t be completely ruined (when are Z’s 24 pussy-having hours up? G isn’t sure!)

as the afternoon drags on it becomes increasingly clear that G will not be getting what he wants. no matter how professional he is, he can’t overcome the disaster that comes along with a photo shoot scheduled with no lead time and no plan. especially not one that needs food props

the fish...taco...thing...is soggy and ice-cold. this isn’t a surprise but it is unwelcome! G tries his hardest to act like he’s loving it, but the photographer is unconvinced.

when G looks at the monitor, he has to agree. this is unprintable. they give him a break to reset.

G spends the break feeling sorry for himself and wondering what the /fuck/ is wrong with Americans. who comes up with this shit and then wants money for it??? it is not nice. no element of it is nice. fried chicken wrapped around lettuce and cold canned fish in white sauce, noooo

he goes to the bathroom, shuts his eyes, and imagines the thing he wants right now. this time he’s honest with himself.

Z sprawled on a big bed, not a stitch on, legs splayed, a little sweaty and panting like he’s just finished a workout.

“help me out with this?” fantasy Z says

“i can’t figure out how to come by myself. i need your mouth, jj. if you make this good i’ll definitely let you show me other new things about my body, like how amazing getting my ass expertly eaten and then fucked can feel.”

okay that last bit’s not entiiiiirely plausible

he just wants Z so bad, not only to fuck but to hold afterwards and take care of and sit down at the kitchen table and plan out how to raise a family together and it’s too much sometimes, it’s easier to pretend it’s just his dick and not his heart that aches.

G is not going to ruin his makeup tearing up while sitting on the toilet. he has to get enthusiastic about a fishy taco in 5 minutes.

today he’s thought so much about putting inconceivable things in his mouth. taco thing. cunt. yeesh.

Z’s pussy is infinitely more appealing.

if he was doing /that/ in front of the camera, maybe he could do it. especially if Z was filming them together to re-watch later, jokingly directing G like they were on set until G successfully made him dumb with pleasure.

it’s too bad he can’t just think about that while —

G has a thought.

and a vivid imagination.

it will be a slight problem if he thinks too hard about Z and gets notably hard in front of everyone.

he tests it out to see if it’s actually a danger, holding his hand up like he’s displaying a...food-like object...and miming taking a savory bite, letting his eyes flutter shut

a burst of something tangy on his tongue, Z’s thighs tensing on either side of his face, a hand clenching and releasing in his hair, yeah that’s — going to be inconvenient. is already becoming notably inconvenient, in fact

there’s only one thing for it.

he has no choice.

for the sake of kfc’s advertising campaign, G has to jerk off in this bathroom while thinking about z-laoshi’s magic pussy.

[and with that my dinner has arrived (it is not kfc) and we’ll pick this back up in a little while!]

G fists his dick imagining Z’s face as G eases inside him, stunned breathless at the feeling of welcoming someone else into his body. (G is drawing on his own bottoming experience a bit, here, but figures anal isn’t thaaaaat different)

there’s not time to draw it out. G needs to finish before his break ends so he can utilize his refractory period to get work done

“your dick is amazing,” fantasy Z says. “i wish we had more than one night”

we can have all the nights you want, G thinks. say the word, I’m yours

G has toilet paper ready when he comes so he doesn’t stain his white colonel kfc suit. he feels a bit silly, flushing it down the toilet.

you got what you wanted, now behave, G thinks sternly at his softening dick.

imagining licking Z’s taco while trying not to lick the actual taco in front of him helps, although he does have to veto some photos because they’re not family-friendly.

but despite his improved performance, the shoot drags on. every time G checks the time more has slipped away

at home, Z waits and waits for G to call while telling himself he’s not waiting for anything. any minute he’s going to give up and climb into bed to rub one out for real before his 24 hours are up. any minute.

G finishes just past midnight, too late to call.

Z falls asleep on the couch, golf playing quietly on the tv across the room.

[i think I’ll leave it there for a bit 😇]

[i can’t do it, it’s too mean, a little more tonight 😂😂😂]

Z semi-wakes up at 4am, grumbles that he’s too old to be passing out on the couch, then totters to bed, where he sleeps soundly until his 6am alarm.

when he’s properly awake he remembers to check what’s in his pants

WILL HIS DICK BE BACK AS PROMISED????

YES

the smut wizard is true to their word, and he’s been returned to his original form, balls and all.

“you could have returned it a little bigger than when you picked it up,” Z mutters.

what a weird day yesterday. if G hadn’t come by to see it too, Z might think he was crazy

oh, right, G, he’ll probably be worried about Z’s pants situation. Z should update him.

he goes to snap a picture — evidence! — and thinks it looks maybe a little sad and small, all soft and wrinkly like that

easily solvable problem. Z takes a dollop of lotion from the nightstand and wraps a hand around his dick, his nice, familiar cock that he understands and can get off without needing a diagram.

pussy was interesting but ultimately a disappointment. dick will never betray him.

he gets it nice and hard and then fusses around framing a nice dick pic, using the pointers G has taught him but trying to keep it casual-looking too. just a brief morning wood update, no big.

a little big. Z’s confident he’s not lacking in any dimension.

at last he’s got something he thinks will pass muster.

“all present and accounted for!” Z says, and follows it up with the picture.

he chews his lip while he waits for G to respond.

“hello sailor~,” G writes back. Z laughs in real life and sends a bunch of haha stickers

G apologizes some more about having to bail on Z; Z assures him he can make it up to him by visiting the next time he has a real day off, hopefully in less than 2 months this time.

G goes back to work. Z goes on a fishing trip (he does not know how to fish but he’s gonna learn!!!!) and sends G many, many pictures of not-very-large fish, some of which were actually caught by xy

when he gets a hook stuck in his thumb G hears about its extraction at length

G sends back photos of what he’s cooking, even when it’s just instant ramen with some greens mixed in. once he even spots a larger version of a fish Z caught while out shopping and picks it up to show Z what G could make for him if he brought a REAL fish home.

there are some selfies of Z wet and shirtless after swimming in the crystal-clear mountain lake, which G counters by sending his most aloof “what abs? oh these old things? I barely noticed I was flexing them” post-gym thirst traps

“post those when you hit 30 million” Z says

“these are for z-laoshi eyes only,” G responds, which makes Z oddly pleased.

not so pleased he doesn’t joke back “oh shit, I already showed them to xy, we have to kill him now”

“did not!” xy shouts, reading over Z’s shoulder. “tell him I did not, you horrible liar”

they engage in some immature smacking and wrestling, and xy prevails long enough to send “Z is an asshole, believe nothing!” to G before Z puts a handful of mud down his shirt

xy genuinely has no idea why he thought Z’s retirement would make his life less insane.

at the end of the month G has an entire long weekend off. Z makes some noise about maybe wanting to see him; G doesn’t promise anything but implies strongly that after he spends one night with his family he might be able to sneak away

Z tries not to be too giddy about it

the morning before G maybe-hopefully will be able to come visiting, Z wakes up and shuffles blearily into the bathroom.

“really, again??????”

once more, there’s a note on the nightstand:

absolutely bonkers how hard you beefed it last time, bro. try to have at least one orgasm this time, ya dingus

love,
- the smut wizard

[that’s the actual end for tonight, come back tomorrow for whatever clownery comes next, kiss kiss 🌺!]

Z puffs up in outrage at being told he “beefed it”

what was beefed!? he didn’t freak out, didn’t try to piss standing up like a moron (considered it carefully, decided he didn’t want to risk peeing on his own legs), and got his dick back in the morning

overall, it went great!

yeah, so he did casually bring up to his most recent ex “was i actually good in bed or is that part of the Not Me It’s You manifesto”

she said she didn’t fake more than like, two orgasms and she was mad at him both times

it is true that Z wants to Experience The Female Orgasm, and given last time, is forced to accept he can’t do it alone. however, he’s pretty sure that if he’s more clear about what he wants and what the boundaries are, G will be willing to help.

it’s be weird if Z asked his other buddies to touch him until he comes as an experiment. sure, ss and xy are down for every crazy scheme he comes up with but they’ve had a firm “no jerkin it at sleepovers” rule for years.

G is...different. still a bro! but a bro he can share dick pics with, and G doesn’t respond with fifteen barfing emojis and a gif of a banana getting sliced in half. (Z still thinks that was pretty cold. it had been an accident! he’d felt leery about bananas for a month)

G wakes up to Z’s text alert sound.

“IT’S BACK”

a short video follows shortly after the message. G almost drops his phone on his face.

Z’s legs are spread so wide G can see his BUTTHOLE

don’t judge him, he’s had a lot of fantasies about that butthole. especially with Z gripping his thigh with one hand to show off more

“help your lp out, g-laoshi” Z sends.

“with what?”

G has to ask, he’s not making any assumptions anymore. that way lies complete madness.

“I want to know what having a dick in here feels like, and I don’t have my own right now, so...”

someone please save jj.

“don’t you have toys around?” G asks, cockblocking himself.

“no, why would I when I’m single?”

that’s a no on Z being in touch with his prostate, then. G is going to pretend that doesn’t turn him on. all the first times he could show Z...

this whole “do me a favor and come over to fuck my pussy with your convenient dick” scheme would also involve helping Z feel sexy new things for the first time.

maybe if G makes it clear what Z is missing, he’ll realize that he’s been an idiot and they should be together forever

all G has to do to convince Z to love him is be awesome at sex with a pussy.

shit. G is not awesome at that.

he’s dooooooooomed.

also he’s taking too long to respond because he’s got 3 more messages from Z when he looks at his phone again

Z: i just know you have a nice dick
Z: and i think it would feel good, really!
Z: it’s okay if you’re not comfortable, it’s kind of a weird favor to ask

G: I’ll come over. do you have condoms?
Z: why? I can’t get pregnant, I don’t even know if I have the equipment
G: I’ll bring some
Z: party pooper.

G is going to do this right and win z-laoshi’s heart. so he packs a sex go-bag that would put any kinky prepped to SHAME. lube, 3 types (water based, silicone, massage oil). dildos, various. a vibrating cock ring he thinks will work on a clit in a pinch. condoms, as promised.

[that should say “kinky prepper,” autocorrect hates my hilarious jokes]

a few hours later, G is on Z’s doorstep, bag in hand, ready to be of service.

[i’ll leave it there for tonight, tune in next time for what they do with everything in that bag!]

Z is actually feeling...slightly a little tiny bit nervous about losing his pussy virginity to G. he’s covering it well by being his bounciest and most annoying self.

G-laoshi’s arms are so big and his hair looks so good and what’s in the bag! Z wants to look! show him!!!!

Z is wearing a shirt this time since he already used his words and G promised to help him out. it’s not a lot of shirt but it technically counts as restraint.

fabric that’s thick enough to fully hide the shadow of nips is for outside wearing, and this is inside.

“be patient, z-laoshi,” G soothes, recognizing this antsy behavior and glad that at least it isn’t surly-nervous Z or vacant-anxious Z. Z deals with stress great right up until he doesn’t and then it’s fights with fans and saying things he shouldn’t over the phone.

“be patient, he says,” Z pouts. “i was already patient for three hours while you crawled through traffic”

G puts both hands around Z’s waist to make him be still. it half-worked on set when they were playing around and — yeah, shit, it works now in a different way.

“tell me how you want to do this before you drive me nuts,” G says.

Z loves to make a plan. coming up with it and relaying it to G will occupy him long enough for G to get out of the doorway

“first we should make sure you’re hydrated after the drive,” Z says thoughtfully. cute!

“okay,” G says, and lets Z go so they can wander into the kitchen together

Z reaches back to take G’s hand and tug him along behind him as they traverse Z’s familiar floor plan

G flushes hotter than he did for any of the dirty pictures.

Z is still talking. “then we should go somewhere comfortable and — do you want to chat first? I don’t know if I’ll be able to pay attention, honestly, I’ve been thinking about you all morning and haven’t even touched anything yet, saving it all for you haha”

Z-laoshi /please/

[i have an appointment now, be back in an hour or so hopefully!]

Z pours G a glass of water from the pitcher on the counter and stares him down until he drinks all of it. They do end up chatting a bit — about Z’s new fishing gear (G stores this info away for gift-giving purposes in the future) and G’s irritation with his latest costar.

“She makes typos in all her posts on purpose because she thinks it’s cute to look dumb,” G grouses. “Including scheduled promos! Unprofessional.”

“maybe she’s really an airhead who can’t type, like me,” Z offers.

“you’re not an airhead.”

Z’s pretty sure G is the only person who thinks that. he knows the common wisdom out in the world.

“well,” Z says, but G is reaching out and squeezing his hand, and the retort dies in his throat. “i’m smarter than you, at least,” he says instead.

G squawks and hits him in the chest. “take that back!”

“I’m smarter than you /most/ of the time”

“not good enough!” G says, slapping him more. Z slaps back and they’re tussling in the kitchen like naughty children

“as your senior —“

“by one year!”

“still counts!”

G gets Z in a headlock despite his uncoordinated limbs, and Z slumps against his body, limp in defeat. G has a sneaking suspicion this is where he wanted to be the whole time.

“okay okay okay, my jj is the smartest,” Z says, breathless and smiling. “no more slandering him.”

“what’s the next step of the plan, since you’re so clever” G asks, hoping the answer will be “kiss me”

“go get your goodie bag and meet me in the bedroom,” Z says with a leer, which is not “kiss me” but will do in a pinch

Z bounds off to the bedroom and shimmies out of all his clothes. he’s READY. wait — he pats down his pubic hair so it’s not sticking up anywhere weird and does a quick sniff test of his armpits. smells like deodorant, all clear. his pussy smells like pussy, no changing that.

Z likes pussy-smell, it’s sexy. no reason to worry what G thinks of it. and really — this is bros helping bros explore a limited-time sexual opportunity. sexportunity. hahahaha he’s so funny, nice.

G doesn’t have to be into every little thing, just turned on enough to perform.

it’s fine. why would he be nervous???

Z tries a half-dozen sexy positions before deciding on “casually checking his phone like it’s no big deal”

G pokes his head in the doorway. “where do you keep your towels, I want to put one down”

“huh?” Z asks, intelligently.

G ducks his head and scratches the back of one hand with the other. “might get messy,” he explains.

wow, G worrying about Z’s sheets is weirdly hot. or maybe it’s the part where he expects to get sloppy that’s hot. hard to say.

Z gives G directions to his linen closet, then fidgets as he listens to the soft sounds of G moving around in his space.

G is also feeling the pressure. these are high expectations for a dick that hasn't been within spitting distance of a vagina in almost 10 years

G returns carrying a big fluffy towel and his sex bag. he makes it all the way to the edge of Z's big comfortable bed before stuttering to a halt like a wind-up toy whose spring ran out.

"so..." he says

"oh," Z says. "do you need me to move to lay down the towel?"

phew, yes, that's what G was hesitating for, definitely, haha

"no," G says. "you can just raise your hips a bit?"

Z tosses his phone to the side (it gets lost immediately in the rumpled blankets) and obliges by tucking his knees to his chest and rolling back to lift his butt

cool cool cool cool, G didn't need his brain for anything else today. /it's okay/, he tells himself as he lays the towel flat under Z's obligingly lifted hips. /you really get to fuck him today, it's not just another tease this time/

Z stretches his legs out again and props himself up on his elbows. "i think...before we can make more of a plan you should show me what we're working with."

right. yeah. okay. G drops his hands to his fly

Z laughs and G freezes. "i meant what's in your bag, but that's okay too"

well now G is self-conscious! he reaches for the bag but Z stops him with a nudge of his foot against G's thigh

"you can get naked first if you want. really."

there's nothing mean or mocking in his smile. G remembers that he feels safe with this man, safer than with anyone else

with everyone else G is always watching himself, making sure he looks okay from the outside. no mistakes. but with Z - that hasn't felt necessary for a long time. that promise of forever didn't come with caveats like "as long as you never have a scandal"

"c'mon, i wanna see those abs," Z coaxes. "unless you're worried they aren't as good as mine anymore, is that it?"

Z stretches and flexes to show what G is up against. fuck, G /wants/ him. he kind of wishes there was a dick for him to suck because he's really good at that...

also if Z had his dick G would be able to peek at his erection to gauge how actually into Z he is instead of kind of guessing at "probably kind of wet?" Z is about to find out exactly how clueless G is when it comes to pussy, oh god.

G takes off his shirt to stall.

Z honest-to-fuck CLAPS HIS HANDS in response to seeing G's chest.

"do not do the fangirl squeal impression," G says.

"aaaAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!" Z says, doing the fangirl squeal impression. he drums his heels on the bed in exaggerated glee. "so handSOME AAAAAA!!!!!!!!"

"you quit that," G says, but he's laughing. Z does this to him every time, they're always laughing together for the stupidest reasons. (being in love is terrible, sorry boys)

"pants too, or are you going to hold out on me some more?"

"not if you're going to be embarrassing about it," G says, feeling a little brittle despite himself.

"i won't be," Z says, sobering up. "i want your help."

G stands up and shucks out of his pants and underwear all in one go. then he stands there, dick half-hard, the thing he desires most in arms reach but unable to take that last step.

he re-directs, unzips his sex bag instead, starts to rummage around.

Z is unsettlingly quiet.

when G looks up at him, the whites of his eyes are showing, and G realizes...this isn't going to work. not like this. not when neither of them can relax.

"laopo," G says, the old nickname easy on his tongue. "could we kiss for a while first? would that be okay?"

[time for lunch, i need sustenance before i can write the sweet sweet kisses 😚]

"yeah," Z says, soft and breathy.

G has had to watch his own on-screen kisses as punishments before. but in real life, with someone he's actually attracted to (sigh, /girls/, why), he's a lot more confident. he lies down next to Z, close enough that their bare shoulders brush

a little shiver of nervous laughter passes between them.

Z raises his hand towards G's face, and for a nonsensical moment G thinks he wants to fix the bangs of lao wen's wig and holds still. but he's got his usual tidy haircut, and Z instead ghosts light fingertips down G's jaw

ah - that's good. G rolls a little on top of Z, not resting any weight on him, hovering over his body instead. he puts one hand down on the bed next to Z's head and looks down at him.

"hi," Z says then smiles with his tongue caught between his top and bottom teeth. brat.

this kissing plan was to help them relax, not make G's heart ricochet around his chest like a ping pong ball. too late to back out now, he decides, and ducks to catch Z's mouth gently with his own.

Z pushes up to meet him halfway, lips soft and half-open.

they go lightly at first, little dry brushes and quick dips that don't play well on camera, since directors always want that looooooong liplock shot.

Z's clearly comfortable kissing people and being kissed. he doesn't get impatient, just returns what G gives him beat for beat

okay, maybe he gets slightly impatient when G starts to really drag it out to tease him. he shifts his hips and makes a plaintive noise when G pulls back AGAIN instead of deepening the kiss

"oh, it's good then?" G asks innocently

Z grabs blindly for a pillow and boffs G with it

"hey now," G says, and grabs Z's wrist to keep him from turning their necking into a pillow fight. Z obligingly drops the pillow, then watches G with dancing eyes, waiting to see what happens next.

G guides Z's hand to rest on his hip.

Z takes in a quick breath and his other hand finds G's skin almost instantly, sliding hotly up his side and across the planes of his back.

G sneaks his knee between Z's thighs, pinning him a little more thoroughly to the bed. the next kiss is rougher, spit-slick.

Z's body is warm and responsive underneath him; it keeps taking G by surprise that he can't feel an erection brushing his thigh, but Z doesn't have one of those right now. only a cunt he wants to try out with a friend.

"be gentle, g-laoshi, it's my first time," Z jokes when G bites his neck

he hooks his leg up to urge G closer and they both gasp as the wet heat of his cunt touches the top of G's thigh. Z makes a hungry, wordless sound and does it again, harder and more deliberate, a long slide

"kiss me, kiss me," Z demands, his hands finding G's hair and pulling him close while he grinds on G's thigh.

(be gentle my ass, G thinks)

this is a pretty cool pussy thing, Z figures. G has hard, narrow thighs that are proving fun to ride.

dammit, Z should have gone on horseback riding or something to enjoy not worrying about smacking his balls. it's too late now, he's committed to a day of sex. G wraps a big hand around Z's hip to help him move against his thigh and Z stops thinking about bike rides

Z is wiggly and kissed pink when G's done with him.

"that went well," Z says happily. "i say we take a quick time out to strategize and then get back to it, sound good?"

(don't criticize him he's using his words)

"uh," G says, at a loss. "sure?"

Z enumerates his discussion points on his fingers. "do you want me to do oral sex on you for a bit first? sometimes i like that for myself - although i haven't done that for a guy before. can't be too hard, right? i tried it with my fingers once"

"oh," G says, beseiged by the image of Z curiously sucking on his own fingers and imagining it's a dick. those could be G's fingers. just a thought. minor suggestion. no pressure.

Z is on to the next thing on his planning agenda!

"if i put more than one finger in too fast it kinda hurts, so i don't think we should just like, stick it in. i get why girls don't like that now, it's not a good feeling. i think either hands next or...you brought equipment?"

if G's brain wasn't completely full of horny static, he would shake Z until he cut it out with the sports talk. "equipment," is he even human, nobody has ever called a sex toy "equipment" before like it's a pair of shin guards or a hockey stick.

alas, horny static, no can do.

don't worry - Z is still going!

"so, here's my game plan: you show me the stuff you brought, and we decide between fingers and one of those. then when i'm loose and ready for you, i can blow you for a while or we can skip that part, your choice, and then you go to town."

"i usually like to improvise some," G says weakly, when Z pauses to allow for input. "we could feel things out as we go."

Z makes a thoughtful face. "i do like flexibility. how about we use my plan as a framework, and you can embellish."

G puts his hand on the center of Z's chest and pushes him flat on the bed. he goes down with a little "oof"

"that's enough plan," he says.

"i think -" Z starts to protest -

"i think," G says over him, "we should test our options in your mouth before they go anywhere else"

Z's mouth falls pleasingly open, and G takes a moment to bask in the blessed silence and lack of unsexy sports words.

G fondles Z's chest in the lull, mapping out the swell of his pecs. he's coordinated enough to touch Z and retrieve his dildo collection at the same time

he only brought the slim ones, and none of the prostate-y shapes, which limited him to only 3. one is a long narrow vibrator made of hard plastic that G never uses - cunt is a mystery so he thought maybe it'd work who knows - in hot pink.

the next is a medium size but but very realistic silicone dick that G's always liked. and last he brought a toy that's just an s-curved length of steel with a ball on each end. the smaller end shouldn't be too much for Z if they go slow. it also makes a pretty good neck massager

"which one first?" G asks, after he's presented each one for Z to look at. to Gs mild surprise, Z grabs the dick-shaped one. he peers at it critically, then licks the tip, quick and experimental. he makes an "eh, not so bad" expression, then sticks it in his mouth like a lollipop

Z moves his jaw experimentally and takes more of the dildo in his mouth. G, who had been in control like ONE second ago, is overwhelmed again. then, like a monster, one of Z's wandering hands finds G's dick and gives it an exploratory stroke

Z pulls the dildo out of his mouth with a disgustingly erotic slurp.

"you're bigger," he says, and grins at the very stupid look that puts on G's face. then he takes a deep breath and puts the dildo back in his mouth, testing how far he can go

"it's not about how much you can take," G says, unable to help himself. he's got a chance to give Z blowjob tips and - look - he's not a saint. "find what's comfortable, then suck, maybe rub the bottom against your tongue."

if Z's upset about G's tutoring, he doesn't show it

he just takes G's direction, hollowing his cheeks and sliding the toy in and out with shallow thrusts.

G gives in and throws a leg over Z to straddle his waist, pinning him with his weight instead of a hand on his chest. he touches the hollows of Z's cheeks with reverent fingers

"you like that one?" G asks

Z nods with his mouth full.

"me too," G says. "don't worry, i boil all my sex toys after use and run them through the dishwasher twice"

[i'm now 10 minutes late to a social thing sorry gotta run! Z will react to the fact that the toy he has in his mouth has been in G's ass in a little while!]

Z slides the toy out of his mouth - G worries for a moment that he's about to be disgusted but - nope - he just wants to talk.

"does it really feel good?" Z asks, clearly fascinated. "do you put it in yourself or..."

if you're curious, i can help you with that, gj thinks loudly

"i always thought it would feel kind of like taking a shit backwards," Z says, rubbing his fingers over the spit-shiny head of the dildo. he licks his lips, then looks up at G with big, mischievous eyes. "i mean, /i've/ never come from going to the toilet but i dunno about you.."

G picks up the heavy metal toy and sticks it in Z's obnoxious mouth. he tries not to click it too hard against Z's teeth. Z tenses, stomach muscles flexing against G's thighs, then sucks on it, bobbing his head a bit

"be quiet," G scolds softly, holding the toy still for him

Z works at it for a while before shaking his head and lying back. "too hard," he says, and G supposes that's fair. they'll skip the plastic vibrator then, which will have the same problem.

"i can fix that," G says, putting the toy aside, and offers Z two fingers.

Z takes him by the wrist to steady it, then turns G's world upside-down by fucking MAKING LOVE to his fingers, licking hot and warm, swallowing them deep, nipping his fingertips, making HARD eye contact the whole time.

G tips his head forward and groans.

if G touches himself right now he'll embarrass everyone by coming all over Z's chest. that doesn't help with how much he /wants/ to touch himself while Z sucks messily on his fingers. he wants to replace his fingers with his cock and teach Z what fresh come tastes like

G's sliding his fingers free, wondering if he can just scoot up and encourage Z to lift his head and at least lick --

"put them in me," Z says, bucking his hips under G. "please, i'm ready, i'm so wet you're not going to believe it."

right. the game plan. G hates the game plan.

they rearrange so G is between Z's legs, squinting at his pussy and mentally trying to line it up with the diagrams he'd looked at while researching. when he touches it to spread the folds and get a better look Z's whole body twitches.

"shoot, did i hurt you?" G asks

"no, sorry, definitely not," Z says. "i'll try to stay still, don't stop."

G rubs the insides of Z's thighs to make him relax, but that just elicits more hitchy breaths and shivery muscles. also the skin is very soft and G wants to bite it.

he tries again, slow and gentle, appreciating how Z slip-slides between his fingers even without any lube. he's full and yielding like soft fruit. if only G was more certain which bit was the clitoral hood and less worried about mistaking the vagina for the urethral opening.

Z whines in frustration. "will you PLEASE just take my virginity already, my other first time wasn't nearly this slow and considerate. you're making me feel like i'm not a gentleman."

G is sure Z was extremely romantic his first time with a girl. there were probably rose petals and scented candles because under all the sports douche posturing secretly Z has always been a massive sap.

G's first time had been a very hurried and nervous mutual handjob in a private karaoke room with an obnoxious american pop song playing in the background. not glamorous in retrospect, but at the time it'd been the most exciting thing G had ever done in his life.

the squirming in his gut right now feels pretty similar to back then, actually. he's excited and kind of terrified in a way he hasn't been about sex in a long, long time. inexperience is a hell of a drug, he thinks.

"tell me if it feels bad," G says roughly, and inserts a fingertip in what he thinks is the correct orifice. it's anticlimactic - G squashes the part of himself that had hoped Z would make an instant o-face of delight and come everywhere. instead he just looks kind of thoughtful

he doesn't say it feels bad though, so G quests a little deeper, curious about the lack of muscle and the rougher, more elastic feeling inside. he lays a hand over the front of Z's pelvis to steady him and crooks his finger upwards inside him

"oh!" Z says. "that's weird"

"bad weird?"

"do it again weird," Z says, taking a deep breath. G does it again, and Z's breath sighs back out. "yeah, more."

G wonders if he can get a second finger in there - he tries and Z makes a shaky, half-pained noise. G drags both fingers across the spot he'd found, pretending its the prostate since it seems to create a similar response.

when he speeds up Z's muscles go rigid and his hips lift off the bed, pushing himself into G's hands. he eases off and Z flops back down, panting.

"don't /stop/," Z complains. "we were getting somewhere!"

"okay, okay," G says, and pets Z's pussy in apology. he doesn't want to be too rough with it, but if Z's going to be demanding...

G goes for it again, until Z is arching up off the bed and gasping out a mindless stream of "oh shit oh shit oh shit," thighs starting to shake, and G thinks - maybe he's coming? how does he tell? Z moans brokenly, hips jerking, and G thinks yeah, that's it, not so shabby!

he slows to a halt, gentling Z down and letting him, catch his breath, ready to be praised for his good work, and instead Z kicks him. "you stopped!"

oh. not an orgasm then.

he tries again, until he has Z writhing and cursing, until he's wet up to the wrist and he thinks Z is going to tear the sheets, that's gotta be

nope, Z says.

another try. the sound of slippery flesh smacking together is obscenely loud. and he REALLY thinks - no. sigh.

"this is frustrating," G admits after try number four.

Z reaches down to push G's hair back. "you're trying hard," he says. "it feels good, i feel close, i just need...i have no idea what i need."

G blows out a tense breath. if Z had a /dick/ or wanted to be fucked in the /ass/ G would know EXaCTLY what he needed!

"most of the time my girlfriends would want to touch their clit, i guess," Z says. "i thought it meant i wasn't doing good enough with my dick or we were trying to be quick, and really like your fingers so i wanted...you know."

(Z is not the most woke when it comes to sex, please forgive him)

that...makes sense. G vaguely remembers a statistic about 30 or 70% of women or something. and he definitely can't come just from assfucking.

what G really want to do is treat Z to a nice blowjob while he fucks his ass with his fingers, slow and steady and patient. that's G's favorite. he's jerked off to that fantasy plenty of times

it can't hurt to get his mouth in the game, right?

dear god Z's sports metaphors are rubbing off on him. this is the nightmare scenario.

"i've been told i'm pretty good at eating ass" G says as casually as he can muster (not very casually)

Z's eyes go round.

oh no, G thinks. Z has never had his ass eaten. oh please oh please oh please oh please - "i could lick you some. um. everywhere, if you like." pleeeeeeease

"wow," Z says. "you wouldn't mind? I don't know if that'll help me come, and you didn't sign up for -"

"Z. please just shut up and let me eat you out," G says, at the end of his horny, horny rope. "I don't care about what I signed up for. I think it'll be fun."

"okay," Z says meekly. then he ruins the submissive appearance with, "you're handsome when you're stern, you know"

G sighs and gets on with slinging Z's legs over his shoulders. he can see EVERYTHING from here. "comfy?" he asks.

"wait!" Z says. "what if i fart in your mouth?"

G is going. to kill him. or be killed. one of the two.

"just...don't do that."

"but what if i /did/"

for fuck's sake is he really -

"then i'll spank you until you say your sorry," G says, and smacks the side of Z's thigh. that shocks Z silent at least. good grief.

in the tiny window of nothing-stupid-coming-out-of-Z's-mouth G has bought for himself, he dives in and licks Z's asshole.

Z makes a noise like all the air coming out of a balloon.

that'll show him.

G eats Z's ass until Z's hands are tugging desperately at his hair and he's making tragic mewling noises. G can actually taste Z's pussy from the wetness running down from above. it tastes a bit like really fresh sea urchin, the kind he's only eaten on the japanese seaside

on Z's end, he never thought he'd be this happy that he gets to keep his asshole for more than 24 hours. THIS is a new sensation he wants to keep coming back to.

G feels brave enough to try pussy now. he's never thought about a UTI in his life because SOME people get to have LONG urethras and the bacteria usually isn't able to travel all the way up it to cause endless misery. assholes. he wipes his face off a bit on the towel at least

the pussy-eating is less expert. he starts off too low, keeps trying to stick his tongue in, doesn't get ANY of the nice reactions he was getting earlier, and finally remembers his diagrams and moves up to the right area. he pokes around until Z goes "gah! that!"

then they play hot and cold with the clit for a while, and Z discovers he can use G's hair as a handle, and G discovers that getting a hand in play right under his chin is kind of awkward on the wrist. sorry buddy.

"let me try..." G says when he comes up for air. Z waves a hand in blanket permission, pleasure-glazed and certain that whatever G wants is fantastic. G is the best. very attentive. smart. knows stuff about butts. Z is glad he didn't fart on him by accident.

G grabs the dildo Z liked in his mouth so much and pushes it carefully into him. Z's knees fall bonelessly to the sides like all his strings have been cut, and G starts rocking it slowly inside him.

he may be tone deaf and a shit dancer but he can keep time.

then he cranes his neck to suck on Z's clit and it is going to give him SUCH a crick but it's worth it because Z is sighing softly like this is the best thing he's ever felt and he's going to melt into the bed

unlike the high-key fingerbanging from before, G can do this forever

slow and steady and relaxed, turning Z into a happy puddle, Z kneading his hands in the sheets like the pampered kitty he is.

G finally feels calm and secure in the knowledge he's going to fuck Z like this on his flesh-and-blood dick later and it's going to be GREAT

"oh," Z says quietly. "oh, i'm close, wow, jj, i think i'm close"

G doesn't speed up though, he keeps the exact same pace, even when he looks up through his lashes and sees there's tears on Z's face and sweat collecting in the hollow of his neck

and Z falls apart for him, shivering and gasping for air and saying his name.

"i'm done, i'm done," Z says, out of breath. "thank you."

[and now the AUTHOR is going to have a break, and maybe a cigarette, phew]

G unfolds from between Z’s legs and bundles him up into his arms, Z’s body all sweaty and loose and sweet. Z accepts being the little spoon without complaint, but he does twist around to steal a half-assed kiss that only mostly lands on G’s lips.

“you’re good at that,” Z says, snuggling against G.

G snorts into Z’s shaggy hair. “don’t tease, we both know I had no idea what I was doing down there”

“you made it feel nice anyway,” Z says. “we could be pretty fantastic together, if we practiced.”

as he says those maddening words Z tucks his hips more snugly against G, and G’s mental scramble for a response that conveys “yesyesyes let’s practice and be fantastic together forever” w/out sounding insane is neatly derailed, because now Z’s immaculate ass is touching his dick

“you haven’t come yet!” Z exclaims, like he’s just realizing this extremely obvious fact now. (note: he really is just realizing now. that orgasm was intense)

“it’s not a problem,” G says. “you’ll be ready to go again soon, right?”

“oh, yeah, I will!” Z says, delighted.

Z’s always had to deal with a refractory period before, but now....the possibilities!

Multiple orgasms!!!?!!

“I’m ready,” Z says instantly. “Do it like this though, I don’t wanna move. You’re comfy.”

“Condoms, z-laoshi,” G reminds him.

Z whines and rubs his butt against G’s erection. “Laoooogong, so stingy, just the tip would be okay right?”

If G does this he’ll feel obligated to get a full STI panel before he can sleep with anyone else. It’s going to be a pain in the ass.

Z rolls his hips again. “C’mon, you put in so much effort, won’t it be nice to be lazy now and slide right in? I’m right here.”

G doesn’t get why Z is so insistent, but it’s starting to sound like a better and better idea.

He decides it can’t hurt to rub his dick up and down the cleft of his ass and fuck between his thighs, sliding against the outside of Z’s wet, swollen pussy.

“you missed the hole,” Z whispers. “that’s my thighs.”

G is going to gag him. “that’s where I was aiming for, yes”

“I have thighs /every day/,” Z sighs. “the pussy is a limited time only special.”

G does not need the reminder that Z always has thighs. He has been well aware of the thighs since they met.

“I don’t get to have you every day,” G says. “so it’s all special to me.”

“I bet you say that to all the girls,” Z says, breezing right by G’s sincere emotions. “you don’t have to put on the act, I already said I want you to fuck me”

it’s not an act, G wants to yell. maybe he can convince Z using his body? Z does communicate a lot through touch...

“jj, please, put your dick in me so I can learn how it feels. you fingered me, you know it’s not made of lava. no teeth either. you’ll definitely get your handsome dick back in one piece. how about one bare thrust, in and right back out, c’mon, I just want to feel it”

if G puts his dick in G, it won’t be “just the tip” or “only one thrust” and they both know it. Z is just a horrible troll

“you want it that bad?” G asks (resolve: fraying. dick: out. G is forcibly removed from the safe sex example booklet)

it’s a rhetorical question. G doesn’t protest as Z reaches between his legs and aims G up and in. G dips shallowly into Z’s cunt, then is drawn deeper

they’re joined now. it’s intimate, private. G marvels at how Z’s walls squeeze along the whole length of his dick, and then Z squeezes his muscles experimentally and G makes an undignified sound. Z does it again immediately.

“big,” Z says dreamily.

who would have thought: z-laoshi gets dick-dumb. G can’t help but be pleased with the assessment though.

they trade clumsy kisses as they move together. gasp into each other’s mouths as Z lifts one leg up and encourages G to go deeper.

(So much for “too lazy to move”)

G rolls them around until he’s back on top of Z, and sinks back into Z in the missionary position. they kiss and stare into each other’s eyes and tangle their hands together while G works his hips steadily. it’s disgustingly romantic sex.

“how’s it feel?” G asks. he has his thumb approximately maybe hopefully on Z’s clit and is rubbing in time with his thrusts.

“opened,” Z says. “filled.”

(loved, he doesn’t say, even though it’s true)

“do you like it?” Z asks, not teasing for the moment, just earnest, looking for affirmation.

“yes,” G says. It’s such an obvious fact that he can’t come up with a more sophisticated answer. “yes, very much. very, very much”

“I like that you like it,” Z says, like it’s a secret.

[bedtime for yours truly, let’s leave 🐶 and 🐱 to it]

G isn't sure which is more deadly: Z making horrible sports references or this sweetness. he kisses both of Z's cheeks, feeling gooey inside. silly man - how could G not like it when it's Z? doesn't he /know/?

"i might - again - there," Z whispers, hands going tight around G's shoulders. he hums low in his chest, rumbly and sexy, and G can't help it, he pushes into Z harder and more desperately as Z clenches around him. "you can keep, keep -" Z breathes. "make yourself feel good, babe"

look, G had planned on marathon sex, holding back for as long as he could, but...

yeah, no.

"it'll be messy if i come in you," G says

"got a towel, don't care," Z says

G is maybe...a little vigorous. Z doesn't seem to mind. he cradles G's head in the crook of his shoulder and lets him shudder through his whole orgasm (first one he's ever had inside a cunt! Z isn't the only one getting new experiences today)

when he's done G flops down on top of Z and squishes him to the bed, not going anywhere. if Z tries to leave him right now he's going to pitch a fit. Z lets out a little "oof" but doesn't complain, just pets G's hair and lays a smooch on his temple.

"all tuckered out?"

"mmmph."

G lies on top of Z, feeling the rise and fall of his breath chest-to-chest, until Z shifts his knee and winces as it makes a quiet click. then he reluctantly rolls to the side.

because he is the worst, Z reaches between his legs and scoops out a bit of mixed-up come and pussy juice. then he sticks his tongue out and touches it to his wet finger.

"why are you like this," G groans sleepily

"don't you want to know how we taste together?" Z asks

he offers his messy finger and G thinks, ah fuck it. he's sleepy but...why not show off.

friends, G fellates that finger like he's auditioning for a porno.

"wow," Z says when G pulls off with a /deliberate/ pop.

G preens internally.

"bet that feels really nice if somebody has a dick, huh?"

"so i've been told" G says.

this is his chance. c'mon G, use your words. say something smooth like /you wanna try it out in <24 hours?/

"maybe you can teach my next girlfriend," Z says, and winks (ineptly)

OH. HELL. NO.

"i forgot i need to go," G says, getting up out of the warm, sex-soaked bed. "i have a thing."

"what?" Z asks. "i wouldn't actually make you teach her, that's a joke"

[i'm so sorry, he's an idiot and we've got to carry the conflict into the third act. IT HAD TO BE THIS WAY]

G finds his pants and his shirt and yanks them on.

"i thought we had all day in bed," Z says. "come back, jj, don't be mad, i won't rent you out for sex lessons. we can keep having fun, right?"

"the thing is unavoidable," G says. stupid stupid stupid stupid. he's so stupid.

he REFUSES to cry in front of Z over this dumbass - over getting his hopes - love isn't for him. G is a career man, he should focus on making money and cementing his position, not chasing smoke.

"you promised you'd help," Z calls.

"i'm leaving the toys. help yourself."

G's halfway down the hallway before he realizes his phone isn't in his pocket, it's on the floor in Z's room. fuck his life, there's already tears in his eyes. fine. he spins around, walks stiffly back into the bedroom, and is beset instantly by Z's puppy-dog eyes.

nope. he's not falling for it. even naked, pleading Z isn't worth this kind of heartache. G snatches his phone from the ground where it fell out of his pants and stalks back out, face hot and eyes burning.

"jj," Z calls after him. G pretends not to hear.

G calls his driver on his way out the door, then turns on location sharing and picks a random direction to walk in. he's not waiting outside Z's house to be picked up like a kid who got homesick halfway through a sleepover.

fuck.

G wipes his face with his forearm and sniffs.

he must have given something away with his voice on the phone because it's not just his driver in the car when it pulls up on the side of the road next to him. one of his staffers is in the back with a box of tissues.

"he's a bastard," she says before he can even say hi

dignity shredded, G nods and lets her pat his back while he cries.

"blow your nose," she reminds him, and he does. "i'm going to strangle him for you, okay?"

"thanks," G says wetly.

meanwhile back in the bed, Z feels suddenly cold. he wraps his arms around himself and shivers, then grabs a blanket and wraps that around himself as well. it doesn't fix the problem. he's sticky and abandoned and baffled. maybe a hot shower will help. he shuffles to the bathroom

while he cleans between his legs Z discovers that he's crying. he doesn't know why, but once he's noticed it he can't stop. actually, it gets worse. soon he's sobbing in the shower and can't figure out why. the sex was great. how come it feels so awful that G left?

it feels like more than just a friend being mad at him, it feels like he's got a knife twisting in his guts. how'd he mess this up so bad? it had been so good, surrounded by G's love and care, and one joke fucked it all up.

ha ha ha, Z thinks bitterly. the last time he made a mistake like this it tore up a decade of hard work.

but G had been there during that. and now G is angry and gone and Z doesn't know what to /do/.

everything he loves goes away, Z thinks. everything. basketball, acting, and now...

Z smacks his palm against the shower wall, so frustrated he could yell and just sobbing harder instead. /i love him, so why'd he leave?/ he thinks, hysterical.

/people who are in love should be together/

ooooooooooh. oh fuck. oh fuckfuckfuckohfuck.

THAT MAKES IT SO MUCH WORSE

Z calls ss. xy will just make fun of him.

"how do i get him back?" he sniffles.

"i dunno, if i were him i'd strangle you," ss says sagely.

"did i just break his heart?"

"seems pretty likely."

"i'm so stupid."

"we've been telling you that for years, you know."

ss guides him through drafting an apology for using G for sex while failing to consider that they might have non-bro feelings for each other.

unfortunately G has him blocked on every possible app.

Z deserves this. plus G can be a vindictive bitch when he feels like it.

nobody enjoys the next week. not G, not Z, and definitely not anyone in their immediate vicinity. there is much sighing, despondent couch-lying and sulky kdrama-watching.

HOWEVER! the smut wizard is UNSATISFIED with this outcome, and the smut wizard has infinite narrative power.

[and now i'm going to take a break, feel free to theorize what the smut wizard is going to do next 😇]

G wakes up at his normal time, two minutes before his alarm goes off. He rolls over to snatch his phone off the nightstand and collides with something that is not just a pile of blankets. It’s heavy and soft, and for a second G thinks somebody has put sandbags in his bed.

Then the lump says “g’morning,” in Z’s voice and G yeets himself out of bed in shock.

Or at least he tries to.

He gets caught short by a yank on his wrist. Which is encircled by one half of a pair of pink, fuzzy, leopard print handcuffs. The other cuff is around Z’s wrist.

G rattles the handcuffs futilely. Z yawns (cute, like a kitty) and seems to register that he’s not in his own bed. He yelps and sticks his head under the covers, checking for shorts.

No shorts. (Don’t blame the smut wizard for this you KNOW the man regularly sleeps naked)

“I didn’t block you so you’d decide to sneak into my place and invade my bed!” G says.

“I didn’t! I swear!”

G glares at him. Z points to the nightstand with his uncuffed hand. Sure enough, there’s a note on red paper with gold writing.

“Please enjoy my unbreakable 24 hour lovecuffs. I designed them myself! They’ll unlock on their own at midnight, but if you want to get free earlier there’s one thing you can do...

Good luck! 💋
- the smut wizard”

“This is a shitty joke,” G says, and gets up, dragging Z along with him. G sleeps shirtless, but he’s wearing comfy pj pants, unlike Z.

Z wraps the blanket tightly around his waist as best he can with one hand and hops after him.

luckily for G, he knows that sexy handcuffs are really easy to pick, and all you need is a paper clip and determined wiggling. they just have to make it to G’s desk, unlock Z’s stupid fuzzy cuffs, and G will kick Z out for being a weirdo and kind of a perv. at least ask first!

to G’s immense consternation, when he sticks the paperclip in there’s a puff of pink smoke, and when he pulls the bit of metal back out it’s been melted into slag. he tries again, and this time the smoke is orange. Z sits and watches in growing despair.

“the smut wizard gave me a working pussy. two times! I think inescapable handcuffs are included in wizard powers,” says Z

“I have a flight to catch in 6 hours,” says G

Z grimaces. even under the most normal circumstances two people can't get on a plane handcuffed together. and their circumstances are far from normal.

G sticks a nail file in the gap between the cuff and the locking mechanism. there's a loud BANG and the nail file is no more

"stop that," Z says, after he's done jumping out of his skin. G looks wild-eyed and more than half panicked. "look - is your penis still there?"

G checks, then nods.

"good. if I made it through my dick vanishing, we can get through some handcuffs together."

"my /flight/"

"the wizard said there was another way, right?" Z says. he pats G on the shoulder (awkwardly, as they are cuffed together). "maybe it's really simple! like...say alakazam! open sesame! presto chango!"

G laughs a bit, despite himself. the handcuffs are unaffected

then G remembers that he's Very Put Out with Z, and tries to cross his arms over his chest. he fails. foiled again by the lovecuffs.

"jj, i'm sorry about last time," Z says. "i realized afterwards -"

G shakes his head. "i don't want to hear it," he says tiredly.

"let's just...get you some pants. i'll find an extra toothbrush."

he'd suggest a shirt, but with their hands cuffed together that's a losing proposition. he'll just have to ignore shirtless Z, and shirtless Z will ignore shirtless G, and it'll be fine.

G's pants don't fit Z.

they try several pairs, and every time that ass just won't quit. plus G favors slim, tailored styles in non-stretch fabrics. G eventually manages to find the loosest, stretchiest sweatpants he owns and offers them to Z.

Z wiggles into them while G averts his eyes. Z makes quiet effortful noises that G now knows are the same as his sex noises.

"got it," Z says with pride.

G looks.

"barely," Z adds sheepishly. /barely/ covers it pretty well. unlike the pants. they look painted on, straining over the ass, thighs, and crotch.

G can see clearly that Z doesn't have a pussy this morning. oh dear.

six hours until G’s flight. that’s six hours to figure out the key to the magic handcuffs. G hates to admit it...but they need a plan. and z-laoshi, for all his failings (many. many failings, G thinks darkly), likes making plans.

he gets out a sheet of paper.

G picks up a pen and offers it to Z. Z takes it and then just holds it, lost.

“Right-handed,” G says, and wiggles the fingers of his locked-up hand. “Awkward.”

“Oh. Yeah. Guess I’m your secretary today, then.”

They make a list of things the smut wizard might want, taking into consideration the “smut” part and working from there. The tamest things go at the top, and get more, ah, Advanced as they move down the list.

Let’s take a look at what they came up with!

- handholding
- kissing (with tongue??)
- jerking off next to each other on the couch
- handjobs
- blowjobs (swallowing???)
- anal sex (G on top)
- anal sex (Z on top)

Z wants to know why him being on top is further down the list. G tells him “because.” He accepts this.

they sit down together on G’s tan couch. handholding does not free them. G kisses Z on the cheek. nope. they try on the mouth. they try with tongues. G tries feeling up Z’s abs, and vice versa. all that happens is they both get hot and bothered and lightly resentful.

“okay, that was a failure,” G says, checking the time.

“we’re trying,” Z says, and bumps him with his shoulder. “c’mon, grumpyguts, there’s still more list to get through.”

“stop being so okay with this,” G demands, feeling childish and cranky.

Z shoots him a more concerned look. “we can stop. rescheduling your flight isn’t the end of the world - if you book a red-eye you’ll only lose half a day.”

“no,” G says, a touch faster than one might if they were an uninterested party. “this way is better.”

“you’re the boss.”

“just get your dick out,” G sighs, and pulls down his own sleep pants. Z has more struggles with only one hand and his sausage-casing-esque sweatpants, but he succeeds!

G doesn’t usually do this left-handed. unfair, Z gets to use his dominant hand, he thinks.

G provides a dollop of lotion and a handful of tissues for both of them. They will NOT be making a mess on his couch.

Things start out uh...uninspiring. The vibes in the room are, how do you say, bad. Just fapping sounds and staring straight ahead.

Then Z sneaks a glance at G’s elegant, long-fingered hand wrapped delicately around his flushed, pretty cock.

G catches Z looking but...doesn’t call him out on it. Instead he draws his grip up and down in a long, subtly showy drag. Take that, peeping Tom.

Z looks away quickly (gotta be fast or G will catch him!) he shifts, tries to spread his knees wider, and gets caught by the waistband of the stupid pants.

G steals his own look, and likes what he sees, despite himself. Z might be stupid to cry over, but he sure is hot.

Maaaaybe...G could put his foul mood away for the next couple hours. He’s the one who got attached and decided Z owed him something just because they had some tender, mindblowing sex. Maaaaaassssaaybe it was easier to be pissy than to keep hopelessly pining.

Maybe the really mature and responsible thing to do is work together with Z and have some more casual no-emotions sex between ex-coworkers.

(If you see a flaw in this logic no you didnt)

So G lets himself make some breathy hums and cut-off sighs, enough to show that he’s enjoying himself. Then he starts looking more loudly at Z’s crotch. (Z misses the loud looking because he’s dogshit at reading eye contact compared to G. Oh well.)

Finally Z chances a glance at G’s face and notices where his gaze is pointed. G purposefully stares a beat longer, then raises his eyes to Z’s.

“I guess you didn’t see it before,” Z says with a small laugh. “Here he is! Z-laoban!”

G tries soooo valiantly not to laugh at that. He presses his lips together, but Z is starting to laugh harder, eyes scrunching up and body falling against G, slain by his own sense of humor. It’s too much, and G gives up and laughs and laughs like he hasn’t in a week.

They lean against each other and giggle, not even at anything in particular anymore, just enjoying laughing together again, hands forgotten still on their dicks, each setting the other off with his expression whenever they start to get it under control.

When they’re finally done, the “5 feet apart ‘cause we’re not gay” posture of before is out the window. Z’s half on top of G, and both are sweaty and breathless.

G hooks his chin over Z’s shoulder and jostles him in a way that suggests “touch yourself some more while i watch”

Z does that, feeling all tingly as he does. G is stroking himself as he watches, his breath in Z’s ear. it would be so easy to whisper dirty fantasies to him, or give him instructions about exactly how to touch, or just to bite.

G chooses bite. Z makes a sexy, broken sound.

Z nuts with G chewing on his ear, and he even remembers to be polite and get it all with the tissue before it drips on the upholstery.

G “forgets” the tissue and comes all over the bare patch of thigh Z revealed when he pulled his sweats half-down at the start.

G kisses the side of Z’s neck as a reward for being sexy. Z likes that and nuzzles closer. The movement jostles the handcuffs and they remember to check if this was enough to free them.

I’m sure everyone will be totally shocked to hear: it was not.

“What’s next then,” Z asks with a sigh.

“Mutual masturbation,” G says, and reaches around to feel Z’s dick.

Z hisses and flinches away. “Too soon, not yet.”

The thought hits them at the same time: their list failed to account for refractory periods. Now what?

They’re both 30! While their erectile function is good, it’s not THAT good. What to do??? G’s flight is drawing nearer!

There’s an obvious strategy in front of them. Stop escalating incrementally and skip right to the end of the list.

That’s right.

The Full Sex.

[aaaaaaaand that’s where I’ll stop tonight! next installment will be 🍑🍑🍑]

Now, for the next part, I need you to remember the “what if I fart in your mouth” exchange and understand where G is coming from. Because he does bring them both into the bathroom, hand Z a single-use enema kit and tell him to take a shower and use it.

G’s handcuffed arm goes in the shower with Z. The rest of him stays outside. He tries to ignore all the rustling and muttered “am I doing this right” etc. Z had, at least, taken the suggestion in stride (and honestly was kinda relieved he wouldn’t have to worry about shitdick)

Z finds the whole experience of squirting water up his butt to prepare for sex with the guy he loves but hasn’t told yet very surreal. G told him not to put it /in/, just press and squirt. It’s hard with one hand! He thinks about asking for G’s help but...nah.

“You only have to do it a couple of times,” G says, because Z is taking forever. “It doesn’t have to be perfect.”

Maybe Z wants it to be perfect! Did G think of that? Also they have to wait for their dicks to recover from the no-homo turned yes-homo jerkin it so what’s the rush?

At last Z climbs, dripping, out of the shower and curls one his arm around G’s shoulders. “All clean,” he says, and kisses him, getting G’s entire front sopping wet.

The fur of the handcuffs is all sad and drenched now, like a cat that just came out of the bath.

“Let’s go to bed,” Z says, and G practically has to tackle him to keep him from leaving the bathroom and tracking water everywhere. He pins Z to the wall and attacks him with a towel until his hair is only damp (and sticking up everywhere like a dandelion puff)

“Now can we go to bed?” Z asks plaintively, using the corner of the towel to wipe stray drips off G’s chest.

“Why are you so eager all of a sudden?” G asks

Z stares at him for a long moment. He swallows and wets his lips.

“Um, well...the thing is.......you’re really good at sex.”

Coward.

G pushes down disappointment — what’s there to be disappointed about anyway, Z said he’s great in bed — and laughs instead, rolling his eyes. “Is that it?”

“I guess I don’t want you to miss your flight either.”

“Thanks.” G says dryly.

“I want you to know I’m kissing you to protect your career,” Z says, and pulls G close to make out some more. If this is a lot of extra kissing that doesn’t directly aid them in their quest for freedom, neither is going to mention it.

G leaves his wet pants on the bathroom floor but can’t be fucked this time to bring a towel. /he/ has a waterproof mattress cover and does laundry regularly.

Z’s kisses are getting desperate as they yank each other towards the bedroom.

“Bet I can get you hard first,” Z says.

“Doesn’t that mean your dick game is weaker?” G teases, shoving him into the bed and getting dragged after him by the cuffs.

“But my sex game is better!”

G scoffs. “One minute turns, whoever gets all the way hard first loses,” he says. “Punishment is...”

“Winner gets 30 seconds to do whatever he wants to the loser,” Z says.

“Deal,” G says. “My turn first.”

“Rock paper scissors is our agreed upon way to determine turns!” Z protests.

They did establish that rule during filming, it’s true.

Z wins, rock over scissors.

G sets a timer on his phone and Z surprises him by not going straight for his dick. Instead he spends fifteen seconds kissing G’s stomach and the insides of his thighs, sweet and teasing.

Unfortunately for Z, G has a lot of practice trying not to get hard around him.

He has a whole mental strategy where he tries to compose the ideal hot pot order given an infinite menu. It’s harder to cling to when Z is naked and nosing around his lap. When Z licks up the length of G’s largely-soft cock, G’s menu fantasies fizzle out and die.

Z’s inexperienced though, having only dealt with fingers and one dildo, and he’s a bit flummoxed when he tries to get beyond licking and wetly kissing the head. When G’s timer goes off he’s only about 69% of the way there.

G hits restart on the timer and pounces on Z.

He cheats a tiny bit and lies on his front to hide the fact that sucking Z off for the first time is absolutely going to finish the job Z started.

G takes their cuffed-together hands and puts them on Z’s chest so they can play with Z’s pecs and nipples together.

He takes Z’s /other/ hand and places it firmly on the back of his own head, then sucks one of Z’s balls into his mouth while gently working his dick with his hand.

Z curses a blue streak at him. Oh ho ho, who’s the boss now, it’s laogong.

G alternates tonguing Z’s balls and his dick, until Z is firm enough that he can effectively bob his head and encourage Z to tug his hair a bit. Shit, it’s good, feeling Z start to quiver and grow hard against his will. G has seven entire seconds left when Z drags him away.

“Not just hard but already worried about coming, huh big shot?” G says, shit-eating grin painted across his face. “Or should we say...quick shot?”

“Shut the /fuck/ up,” Z says, and mimes smacking G in the face. He pulls it at the last second and strokes G’s cheek instead.

“Don’t be cheeky to somebody who owns your ass for the next 30 seconds,” G says. “Roll over.”

Rolling over while handcuffed is trickier than expected. Z’s arm ends up twisted uncomfortably underneath him, and G has to stoop over him. G tugs on his hip to get him to raise his ass

For a horny, uneasy moment Z thinks G might use his 30 seconds to just stick it in without any more foreplay. G tells him to start the timer and Z tenses in anticipation. What is G going to do??? Z’s so vulnerable and willing it makes his head swim.

He gets the answer promptly when G spanks him smartly on the ass.

Z yelps and...reflexively arches his butt higher for more. Kinky fucker. G only has one free hand but he keeps the sides even, slapping one cheek and then the other. He only has 30 seconds so he works fast!

“Ow — ah — ow, fuck,” Z gasps as G doles out quick sharp slaps, then he sighs as G spreads his hand over the base of his spine and slides his thumb down along his asscrack, over the bump of his tailbone and across his hole and then dragging slowly back up.

Then the sweet touch is gone and G is spanking him again, decisive and sexy (and not actually that hard, Z is very worked up).

“Mean, so mean to your laopo,” Z whines when the timer goes off. “I had no idea my hubby was this strict, he’s such a nice polite boy in public.”

G bends down to bite the reddened of Z’s ass and reaches his hand around to feel up Z’s cock, which hasn’t flagged at all.

“Mmmmm,” G hums into Z’s skin, kissing the bite and sinking his teeth in again a few centimeters to the side.

“Next time I’ll win,” Z sighs dreamily. (He’s kinda high on endorphins already, his filter isn’t in full effect.)

“So you didn’t like it just now?” G asks, giving Z’s erection a pointed stroke. He’s ignoring “next time” as meaningless sex talk.

“Didn’t say that,” Z replies.

[i need to make some sex logistics decisions now, give me a minute to take a break and make a plan worthy of zls 🤔]

G has Z with his ass in the air, pink and round and proving very biteable, and while they could roll around together and play forever, G’s also been fantasizing about this arrangement for unbearably long.

He rests a fingertip across Z’s hole (singular, now). “Have you really never...”

“Is that hot for you?” Z asks, already thinking arousing thoughts about G’s eagerness to deflower him again, turning the tables on his senior and being the one who introduces /Z/ to something new.

The finger against his asshole presses down harder, rubs in a firm circle. “I just think it’s really going to do it for you,” G says roughly. “And it’s sad you’ve been missing out all this time.”

“But you’re going to fix that, right?”

“Hope so. Can you reach the nightstand?”

Z had been appreciating the cuffs for giving him a chance to talk to G. now G had warmed to the idea of at least fucking Z, Z could almost pretend they were really together, having sex on a whim on a weekend morning.

His cuff appreciation falters when G can’t get the lube open.

He’s trying to uncap it with his left and and can’t really use the other one because Z is tangled up like they’re playing twister.

“Roll over, face-to-face works just as well,” G says when he finally gives up. (He’s a little sad he won’t get to fuck Z from behind, but...)

Now if Z reaches down to touch his cock, the handcuff chain is baaaaaarely long enough for G to also get his fingers in his ass. (when neither of them is looking the chain sneakily lengthen itself by several links to help).

The furry pink leopard print is visually distracting but they won’t care soon.

Z tenses as G paints lube between his asscheeks, the feeling somehow differently slick than the way his cunt had gotten wet. G puts some lube on Z’s cock too, wrapping his big hand around Z’s and stroking them up and down together until Z’s hand and dick are equally slippery

“When you had a pussy I realized how much I like you wet,” G says thoughtfully as he massages Z’s taint and around his asshole. “That’s silly but —“

“It’s hot,” Z says, interrupting G’s self-deprecation. “Right? All wet and ready for you, dripping for it. That’s hot.”

“Yeah,” G whispers, as he shoves a pillow under Z and spreads his legs wide. “Begging me to take care of you,” he continues softly. His face, when Z meets his eyes, is half hungry, half yearning.

“Please,” Z says.

G makes hard eye contact as he pushes a finger into Z. Z tries to keep his eyes open as G touches another new place in his body. It doesn’t feel like anything Z’s done with his ass before. He feels like G has him hooked on a line, but all the fight or flight’s shocked out of him.

It’s tight but painless, and when Z clenches experimentally around G’s finger he’s surprised anew by how immensely /present/ it is, how immovably /there/. G moves the finger in and out, each slide easier, each still knocking the breath out of Z.

G lavishes attention on Z’s asshole, and soon he’s filling Z with more, kissing the inside of his knee and guiding him to stroke his cock more as he patiently fingerfucks him.

Z has to admit G was right — this is doing it for him big time. Getting prepared so sweetly for G to take pleasure in his body is making him see stars. “You’re so good to me,” Z says. “So good, jj.”

“You deserve good sex,” G says. “A good first time. A good time after that. With someone who cares about you.”

The feeling in Z’s chest is so big it frightens him. “Okay sex isn’t so bad. I try not to have unrealistic standards.”

It’s true! Z likes to get laid! Casually!

G looks at him, too knowing, like he’s seen how soft Ax’s heart is and can tell how easily it gets hurt. (Like he’d never hurt it, if Z gave it to him.)

Then G moves his hand very deliberately and nails him RIGHT in the prostate.

[i have to do stupid stuff like “eat dinner” and “go get a package”, ta ta for now~~~~~]

[why, autocorrect, why do you want “Z’s” to be “Ax’s” so badly????]

“WhaaaAAat is that???” Z asks as G continues to stroke the same spot. It’s like what was inside his pussy but also not like it and it’s building up urgency inside him that simmers underneath the sharper urgency centered around his cock.

“Lie back and I’ll show you, z-laoshi”

G has magic fingers, Z decides. Magic fingers that make him want to get fucked. Manfully! G’s magic fingers are convincing him it’s very manly to get pounded through the bed. It’s like an extreme sport! Like riding dirt bikes only Z wants to be the bike.

(Actually filming a-ling and being a-xu made Z care less about manly. Why be tough when he could be happy? Why was it so bad to be the wife, when wives and mothers formed the backbone of his community? Fans looked at him and gave him the highest compliment: I see myself in you.)

(Plus having a pussy hadn’t done any damage to his character, so in conclusion, G should fuck him however he likes.)

That last part he accidentally-on-purpose says out loud, on the hunch it’ll drive G crazy.

“Let me get a condom,” G says in a pleasingly strained voice.

“Noooo, are you serious? we didn’t before and now i DOUBLE can’t get pregnant,” Z says, wrapping his legs around G to keep him from moving.

(Don’t ask what “double” means here, z is not the greatest at math)

“I am /trying/ to protect your health,” G says.

“From what? Are you having tons of risky anonymous sex without me?”

G pinches Z’s nipple for being a brat. “It’s called setting an example and instilling healthy habits.”

“So you /haven’t/ fucked anyone but me lately, hah!”

It doesn’t mean anything that Z likes that G didn’t have time to fuck other people while he had Z blocked. It’s just a nice feeling, is all.

“You shouldn’t trust people about that,” G says.

Z pokes G in the center of his chest. “I trust /you/, melonhead.”

“And besides,” Z goes on, “what if the key to unlocking these cuffs is to Mingle Our Essences?”

“Stop getting sex tips from the dirty bits of BL novels,” G says, still bickering even though he’s lubing up his bare cock in accordance with Z’s wishes. “The real thing is better.”

G wipes his lube-covered hand on the sheets (sorry, sheets) then shuffles up so he’s propped up over Z. He tangles their cuffed, sticky hands together next to Z’s head, then uses his free hand to line up. He kisses z’s neck and jawline as he pushes home.

Z urges G to kiss his mouth instead, wet and graceless and needy as G pushes carefully deeper. It’s a more delicate act than with a cunt, the tissue thin and easy to insult, this part of his body familiar and personal to Z instead of a conjured novelty.

He gets a grip on G’s other hand and holds on tight as G presses their joined hands down against the bed on either side above Z’s head and rolls their hips together.

He’s spread out and taken, and it should be funny, getting buttfucked in fuzzy handcuffs, but isn’t at all.

G’s dick drags over that spot his fingers found and makes Z shudder despite the lack of friction on his dick.

“Show me how you want to use me,” Z whispers in G’s ear. “I wanna feel it. Let go of that impeccable self control and fuck me, c’mon, I know you can.”

Z is a fast learner. It took him 1.5 times sleeping with G to pick up on the fact that dirty talk will get him what he wants.

Like right now, as G slings Z’s good leg over his shoulder and snaps his hips hard and deep. “Like that?” he asks.

“It’ll do as a start”

G doesn’t ever want to hurt Z, but he also wants to plant a “G’s dick was here” sign in Z’s ass for all to see, so he has a dilemma.

Wait! He can solve this! Z should ride him with those strong sexy thighs. Then Z can help control the pace and angle while G chases his bliss.

Z likes riding G. It’s easy to do with the handcuffs, doesn’t prevent kissing or eye contact, and G has the muscles to really bounce him on his dick. (Maybe Z gets to be the one riding the dirt bike after all! Except the bike is kind of in charge. The metaphor is imperfect.)

It’s 50% frantic lust, 50% romantic staring at each other, 100% extremely, extremely gay. I mean, Z is bi but it is /gay/ in that bed, if y’all get what I mean.

G comes in Z in a series of disjointed, shuddery thrusts, then goes limp, all spent. His chest heaves with huge breaths as he recovers.

Z sits motionless on his dick, not ready to be done yet.

G lifts his head and rattles the cuffs, which are still there, pink and fluffy and locked tight.

“It didn’t work?” G says, bewildered. He glances at Z’s straining cock. “Maybe you have to come too.”

G rolls them over (Z squeaks in surprise but goes willingly) and sticks two fingers into Z’s messy hole.

He finds Z’s prostate again and massages it as he fits his devilish mouth around the head of Z’s cock.

This is G’s happy place. Z bucks and kicks and writhes in pleasure but there’s nowhere to go, G is everywhere.

Z moans brokenly through his first ever prostate-assisted orgasm as he comes down G’s throat. (Swallowing can now also be ticked off of the list.)

But the cuffs don’t budge.

G blinks in astonishment, then snatches the smut wizard’s note off of the nightstand. He and Z angrily re-read it for clues. They’d been so sure anal was the be-all end-all of sex! What else was there for them to aspire to?

Z stabs a finger triumphantly at the paper. “Aha! It says LOVE cuffs. The wizard wants romance!”

Z flings the paper away, then takes both of G’s hands and stares deeply into his eyes. “jj, I love you.”

Wizard made him say it, perfect excuse. Doesn’t matter that he means it!

Z checks the cuffs. Nothing. He frowns. G’s heart dies a little inside. Z must read it off of his face because he squeezes G’s hands and says encouragingly, “now you say it back.”

The words stick like burrs in G’s throat but he manages to croak out “I love you”

AND STILL THE LOVECUFFS REMAIN.

“Must not work if you don’t mean it,” G jokes with a brittle smile. “Tough luck.”

Z can’t take it any longer. “i DO mean it,” he says. “You — you — I told you I’d be there forever, I said you’re perfect in my heart, of course I love you!”

“But not like /that/,” G finishes for him sadly.

“NO!” Z says, rising up to his knees, naked and come-spattered and filled with romantic wrath. “Exactly ‘like that!’ I spent a whole week dreaming about marrying your stupid gangly ass, okay?”

“The cuffs aren’t budging, you can stop trying,” G says. He’s blinking back tears, watching Z acting his heart out. it sounds so real, everything G wants laid out in one perfect performance. Z has always been the most talented out of the two of them. G could never.

“Fuck the fucking lovecuffs!” Z says. He grabs G by the ears and kisses him so hard their teeth click together. “I don’t care. Miss your flight. Stay in bed with me. Give me a chance to not fuck it up.”

“Oh,” G says softly. He doesn’t add anything else.

“Yeah, ‘oh,’ you idiot,” Z says. He takes a deep breath. “Now that I’ve embarrassed myself, can you please come stand outside the bathroom with your arm stuck out so I can sit on the toilet and feel mortified in semi-private?”

“Don’t,” G says, and reels Z in by their cuffed hands to kiss him: sweetly, achingly, pouring all his pining into Z’s mouth.

“Say it properly so the handcuffs can hear and let us go,” Z whispers.

G sighs, then rolls his eyes. “Will you be my boyfriend?”

“Yes!” Z says, and punches the air in triumph. Freedom AND romantic resolution in one fell swoop, hurrah!

Except....

“Hm,” G says.

“Hm,” Z says.

Still locked together, huh.

“I think...we’ve been pranked,” G says slowly. “Technically what unlocks the handcuffs could be...anything.”

“So we...”

“Of all the things we could have tried...”

“Wow.”

“Wow,” G echoes. “I’m totally going to miss my flight, I need to make a call.”

“Rumplestiltskin!” Z shouts in triumphant English (he was trying to remember the fairy tale and is proud of himself for getting it at last)

“Shhhhh,” G says, phone already against his ear.

They do not succeed at guessing the magic words to unlock the cuffs before midnight. This is because the solution is saying “the smut wizard is a genius, 1 2 3 4,” which is also the smut wizard’s bank account password.

The deck was stacked against them from the start, really.

It’s okay! It gives them lots of time to cuddle without shirts on. As promised, the cuffs vanish right on schedule. Z, who has been watching the clock, scrambles out of bed at a run shouting “finally, I can piss alone!!!!”

Z is delighted that monogamy means he can indulge in all the barebacking/creampie kink he likes without G complaining so much.

It’s a lot less lonely, too.

G enjoys more phone sex than he ever imagined on nights he’s away working. Z knows how to push all his buttons, and has a vicious exhibitionist streak that G only pretends to find annoying.

The smut wizard heads off to other parallel universes to cause more sex problems for everyone — but sometimes leaves G and Z a 24 hour present on special days. (Although the time G got a pussy for himself things had to be cut short due to a surprise gender freak-out.)

They love each other! It’s cute and horrible! That’s it! The end!

This was meant to be much shorter than it ended up being — you can direct thanks/complaints to @haplesse who insisted I add a plot.

Here’s the top of the thread if anyone wants to retweet or read from the start:

https://twitter.com/isocrime/status/1433913663879004163

The smut wizard turns out to be an incredibly useful plot device and I’m happy to share it free of charge with anyone who wishes. Don’t have an explanation for the sex pollen or comical dick enlargement but still want to write porn? Look no further: wizard did it.

Like with hanbot I might write some extras for this one! For instance I didn’t manage to fit in giving Z giant knockers with nips that are as sensitive as 2 extra clits. watch this space, we’ll see what happens 👍

Love y’all and your reactions — this was a blast, you make my day

PSYCH time for more, can’t be tamed, can’t be shamed, and somebody asked about the morning after.

The smut wizard is not kind enough to teleport naked Z back to his own bed come midnight, naturally.

Z wakes up at 5am with G taking up about 75% of the bed and snoring. Once G re-scheduled his flight for 24 hours later Z kind of stopped thinking about more logistics in favor of holding G’s hand in the kitchen and soaking up his company and fantasizing about moving in.

Z has a lot of questions he’s been holding back. Like, did G buy that hexagon ring to copy Z’s? Was he also into Z on set? Does he want kids? Is he scared?

(The answer is yes to all of these fyi)

They’re both tired of sex, but they have a lot of cuddling to catch up on, and also Z is still naked so G has a lot of skin to work with and leave hickeys on. It’s not like they can go anywhere while still magic handcuffed, so they’re forced to enjoy each other’s company.

But anyway, back at 5am Z is unfortunately coming to terms with the fact he has to get home somehow and no longer keeps a retinue of staff employed. And he has no clothes that fit. And every single person who lays eyes on him will know he got laid. (Hickies.)

He tries to sleep, can’t, gives up, and decides if he can’t sleep he’s not going to be uncomfortable as well and rearranges G so Z can be the big spoon. G wakes up a bit but Z snuggles him into submission and he conks out again.

[opps, misjudged how tired I am g’night for now]

when G wakes up properly a couple hours later he keeps his eyes closed for a while, enjoying how Z is drawing dumb little patterns on his chest and trying to wrestle down the main thought in the forefront of his mind which is: how can i ruin Z for anyone else.

that's not appropriate, he thinks. you can't take liberties just because he's touchy and cuddly and breathing softly against your neck because friendship is more important than making sure Z will never have better sex with someone el -- WAIT. WAIT SECOND, G's morning brain yells

the past 24 hours have changed everything! G is allowed to -- oh fuck yes, yes yes yes it is time for gross morning breath kisses. G rolls over and opens his eyes to the sight of Z's pleased, adoring face.

"what're you looking at?" G asks

"you," Z says, and kisses him

the second Z stops, G gives him the puppy dog face and Z groans at him and kisses him some more, all over his cheeks and mouth and jawline, even his ears.

Z breaks off kissing G to wrap his arms around him and hug him close. he hooks his chin over G's shoulder and sighs

"it's not too much, right? you have to tell me if it's too fast," Z says

oh, he's such an idiot, G thinks fondly.

"tell me you love me," G says

"i love you," Z says softly, instantly.

"is that supposed to be too much?" G asks. "you can do better than that, surely. make it really clingy. show me how awful and demanding you'll be"

"i love you so much i might /die/," Z says, and squeezes him

"mmmm, still not very scary," G says. "not a single mention of what the color story of our wedding should be."

"whatever you want," Z says. then he stiffens and pulls back. "hey! you're teasing me."

G can't help it - he rolls onto his back and laughs and laughs and laughs

Z imitates his laugh and shoves at him ineffectually. "that's what you sound like," he says.

"if you don't want to get laughed at you shouldn't be such a dork," G says. Z tries to shove him again but G's expecting it and steals the momentum to tumble Z on top of himself

Z steadies himself with a hand on G's chest, then pokes him in the center of his forehead. "you're the dork," he says.

"pretty sure it's you," G says. he holds his hand up like a puppet and makes it say "oooh~~ g-laoshi~ lets collaborate to give me orgasm, as friends"

"shut up," Z says.

"that's what you sound like," G insists. "hundred percent accurate."

"like you've never kissed your best friend," Z says, rolling his eyes.

G has (college was a whole experience), but there's no way he's admitting it and losing this argument /now/.

instead he tugs Z down for a kiss, and grins up at him when he's done. "there. i just did."

"sappy," Z says. "give me a stomachache, why don't you."

"i'll kiss it better," G says, and wrestles Z down (Z doesn't fight back too hard) so he can smooch his belly

WHAT A COINCIDENCE that Z's belly and his dick are not very far apart. G in no way planned that one out. nope. totally innocent.

"hey, best friend," G says guilelessly. "you wanna platonically come on my face?"

Z makes a helpless noise of horny annoyance which G takes as a sign he should commence his attempt to suck Z's brain out via his dick.

he pulls out all the stops. whenever Z's thighs start to tense like he's about to come G slows down and licks him in a way he knows feels real good but won't be enough to tip him over into finishing.

Z hasn't been edged this cruelly, like, /ever/. he knows when G finally lets him come it's going to completely destroy his dignity. he's already been reduced to a whiny litany of "yeah" and "please" and "like that, like that, just like that"

G finally decides Z is wrecked enough when he sees tears sparkling in Z's eyes.

"c'mere, c'mere," G says, dragging Z over to the edge of the bed and then hopping down himself so he can kneel between Z's knees. "you're going to want to keep your eyes open for this part," he says

"oh," Z says. "oh fuck."

G sucks him right to the edge, then pops off and grins as he mercilessly jacks Z off. Z's gripping his own thighs so tight he's leaving dimples. (G might be the facial receiver here but Z is definitely the one getting debauched in this scenario.)

at the last second G makes the face. you know. The Face.

https://twitter.com/isocrime/status/1385763845902381056?s=20

Z comes so hard his eyes unfocus, which is a shame because this is primo jerk-off material that he's missing out on. (it's okay, G will do it for him again. and soft focus means it's classy, right?)

G kisses his dick right on the tip as thanks for a job well done

while Z recovers his wits G ducks into the bathroom to rinse his face off. by the time he comes back Z is mostly coherent again.

"what does that feel like?" he asks, because of course he does.

"how about i show you?" G says.

it was already a very good morning. now it is the best morning.

G climbs up onto the bed and throws a leg over Z's chest. Z gets with the program pretty quick and puts his hands on G's waist, pulling him forward until his dick is over his face

G's plan was to jerk himself off while Z laid back and stared wonderingly up at him, but Z derails that by wanting very badly to participate. G isn't in the mood to give another blowjob tutorial right this second. but....this arrangement /would/ be pretty good for.....

he shifts his hips until he can cup the back of Z's head and guide his mouth to his balls. Z makes a muffled noise of realization and then gets down to business kissing and licking.

G fists his cock luxuriously while Z strains his neck to shamelessly worship his balls.

sometimes tentatively sucking your new boyfriend's entire testicle into your mouth can be something so intimate...

when G is ready to come he guides Z's head back down to the pillow and pushes his bangs up off of his forehead.

"ready?" G asks. Z nods, then squinches his eyes shut in preparation. (he's so cute G's brain is going to explode)

G steadies himself on the headboard as he comes all over Z's face. it takes him so hard he's completely winded by the end of it, lightheaded and gasping.

Z cracks one eye open, darts his tongue out to clean up a bit of come on his upper lip

"not bad," he says thoughtfully. "feels dirty in a good way. i don't think i'd like it with somebody i didn't trust, but you can do anything you want to me and still respect me in the morning"

G really should poke fun at him for over-intellectualizing a facial, but he's still feeling endorphin stupid from orgasm and heart-melty from how careful and willing Z was while he mouthed at G's balls

they use G's shower together, which is steamy and hot and has a rain shower head in addition to the normal one, so they can stand under it and kiss while G pretends they're caught in a downpour, too absorbed in each other to race inside

it's not until they're clean and dry and G is picking out clothes to wear to the airport that Z thinks again about the Logistics surrounding his nice morning-after. like how he's going to get home. and what he's going to wear while he does it.

[i think i'm going to enjoy a warm bath and go to sleep, self care for everyone!]