Thread by @stilgherrian

I know it’s 1pm but before I do anything else I need to tell you about the dream I had, before it fades from memory.

I dreamed I had a friend who was a duck, just an ordinary-looking Pacific Black Duck, whose hobby was recreating scenes from famous movies.

For example, he recreated Jennifer Beals’ performance from “Flashdance” using a series of water-filled enamelled trays lined up on the lawn, and he’d splash from one to the next in his joyful dance.

And — this one might be a bit jumbled — he recreated a scene from some action film with a zip-line between the Petronas Twin Towers in Kuala Lumpur with a zip-line at Regents Park railway station in Sydney, from the bridge down to the platform.

I thought it was one of the “Die Hard” films but apparently not.

Anyway, after that zip-line thing the duck got on the train, where I introduced him to Bjorn Ulvaeus from ABBA, with whom I was working on a project.

Bjorn from ABBA and I were writing a book titled “ABBA in Australia”, which unlike “ABBA: The Movie” (1977) was going to gaslight people with completely false stories about that famous tour. As soon as he heard about it, the duck was in.

The problem, though, was a consulting producer, a radio DJ from the time and probably Bob Francis although that was never clear, who didn’t understand the concept and kept saying “But that never happened!”. We argued constantly.

Most of these arguments took place in the front bar of a pub at Cape Pinniped — not an actual place as par as I know — and the DJ insisted that “pinniped” meant “hairy-footed” and therefore rabbits. Cape Pinniped was supposedly where rabbits were first introduced to Australia.

These arguments could only be resolved by ejecting me from the project, so someone called Cody handed me all my clothes neatly folded — by this time I was naked for some reason. I grabbed the tan jeans (!) from the top of the stack, and stepped out of the limousine.

A black inflatable dinghy washed up on the beach, empty. “Oh good,” said Cody. “The Christmas present has finally arrived.” And that’s the end of the dream.

I’m going to make a coffee now.

For the record, “pinniped” means fin- or flipper-footed and refers to seals, sea lions, walruses, etc.

I imagine that I have had an argument with Bob Francis at some point over the years, because he turned into a bit of a reactionary cunt. But not about rabbits.