When I first started talking to scientists inside India's top agency last year, some of them described feeling "powerless" against a government portraying India's Covid-19 crisis as less severe.
Over the course of a year, that crushing sense of despair surfaced in my conversations with over two dozen scientists inside and outside the government that were often emotional.
“You start questioning your work, you know,” said Anup Agarwal, a former agency physician.
Then, India’s second wave hit. My cousin who I loved playing with as a kid died. I couldn’t help my former boss who needed drugs that were available only on the black market.
So I got to work. I spent months talking to more scientists, pouring over internal documents and emails.
A common thread emerging was politics. Politics over science. Politics over religion. Politics, politics, politics.
But first, let's recap: In April 2020, India blamed an Islamic gathering for its virus spread. Some Indian news outlets called the gathering a “conspiracy against India.”
The anger unleashed attacks on Muslims by some Hindu nationalists.
A big question in my head was, “What did India’s big science agency do at the time?” Turns out, it mostly reinforced the political narrative.
Agency officials singled out the gathering in TV interviews, saying it had "undone the benefits" of Prime Minister Modi's lockdown.
One of them was Raman Gangakhedkar, a @JohnsHopkins trained scientist and the face of the agency in media briefings.
So I called him up. What he said was shocking but to me it was yet another confirmation of the culture of silence inside the agency.
Then, I dug some more and found an email from the agency’s director general Balram Bhargava to scientists, pressuring them to withhold data that showed infections were high in some cities despite containment efforts.
It was important for me to hear all sides of the story.
One reason the agency played a big role in the government response was its ability to scale testing for the virus. It controlled some of the country’s top labs AND the data.
This investigation was an enormous effort that wouldn’t have been possible without the scientists and researchers who risked their careers to speak up.
PS: Here’s an unrelated photo I took at a lab in Delhi that struck a chord with me.
I also want to thank journalists in India who often put their lives on the line to report on the pandemic.
जब मैंने पिछले साल भारत की टॉप एजेंसी के अंदर वैज्ञानिकों से बात करना शुरू किया, तो उनमें से कुछ ने कहा की वह देश के कोविड-१९ संकट को कम गंभीर दिखाने वाली सरकार के खिलाफ "कमज़ोर" महसूस करते थे।
इस एक साल के दौरान, सरकार के अंदर और बाहर दो दर्जन से अधिक वैज्ञानिकों के साथ मेरी बातचीत में यह निराशा की भावना बार बार सामने आई।
"आप अपने काम पर सवाल उठाना शुरू करते हैं," अनूप अग्रवाल ने कहा, जो उस समय सरकारी एजेंसी के लिए काम कर रहे थे।
फिर, भारत में कोविड की दूसरी लहर आई। मेरी कज़न, जिनके साथ मैं बचपन में खेलता था, की मृत्यु हो गई। मैं अपने पूर्व बॉस की मदद नहीं कर सका, जिन्हें दवाईयों की जरूरत थी जो केवल काले बाजार में ही उपलब्ध थीं।