Thread by @Brandi_Buchman

Tomorrow marks six months and in that time so much has changed and so much of it hurts incredibly bad. Still grieving and probably for a long while more but whenever it gets too much to bear I just think of how light and funny and loving she was. Just an absolute joy. To Maggie.

I know she would have been over the moon happy for me for landing at Daily Kos. She always told me never to settle for less than I was worth and she would be thrilled to know. I serve her legacy of compassion, courage. I will spend every day trying to stand up for that.

An example of her good humor even to the end: when my brothers and I were all taking care of her in the end, my one brother would ask her to tell us who was the most beautiful. My brother would tease her and tell her that she had to say it was him. This went on for awhile.

She wouldn't answer often. She couldn't really speak well at the end, and she was heavily medicated. But she could understand. She would smile at us a little and give us this look that only we knew. My partner says I give it to him sometimes and that pleases me greatly. Anyway..

One day he is standing over her bed and he goes, Ma, you gotta say it before you go. "Brandi is the smart one" he says, then says my other brother is the perfect one, but he pleads, I am the best looking right? And she smiled a little and motioned him to come closer.

And he does. Leans over those awful hospital bed bars and we are all staring at her face waiting for an answer. And she closes her eyes for a second and purses her lips together. And just shakes her head, totally deadpan... "No."

And we burst out laughing and she was smiling so big. And my brother lets out a "MaaaAaaaAa" and she grabs his hand and squeezed it. And she said through that fog of so many drugs, "Most gorgeous."

That's why cancer never won with her. It took her body. It never broke her spirit. It never changed her core. She always had a wink or a nod. She was joy incarnate.
I miss joking around with her.
To honor her life, I will try to cultivate that light instead of sink into grief.

This was one of the last birthdays we had before we got the diagnosis. It was her wish to go to Niagara and we did and we took the boat ride into the falls not once but twice because it was so, so beautiful. She knew how to cherish life. It was for her, "an adventure."

So whatever comes next for me as I open a new door to a new part of my life, I will keep that woman so close to me. I don't do any of this for glory or fame or pats on the head. I do it because this woman raised me to be a fierce, loving person unafraid to speak up.

And I think every day about the people who helped us in the end. Many of you still follow me! And for that, I thank you. I can never say it enough. I just want to do good work and do good by her and by you and by myself.

So, again, thank you for everything, dear reader.

I really thought six months ago I wouldn't be here today. I thought when she died, I would die of heartbreak. I really believed that. But here I am, ready for the next adventure.