Thread by @Iracebeth3

#MiriTama; Tamaki meets a guy on a dating app

CW// nsfw-ish, mb eventual nsfw
__________

Tamaki has had bad luck in the dating world. His two relationships crashed and burned. At this point, his hopes aren't high: he thinks he'll probably die alone, but he wants to get laid.

It helps that he's a /little/ drunk when he fills in the profile. Otherwise, he might not have dared to take that picture of his abs in front of the nearest mirror. But the app wants even /more/ pictures, and he's not quite drunk enough to start a whole photoshoot. So+

he adds a few pictures of his gallery: two landscape pictures, his favorite dish and his dog. He sets up his profile and goes to make himself another drink, sure that he'll have to wait a little.

And waiting he does. There's a lot of people, but he finds himself+

dismissing them for one reason or another. This one has a scary scowl, and that one mentions they have a lot of friends and he'll probably make Tamaki feel pathetic for his own small number of them-

He's more than a little drunk, but his anxiety doesn't feel any+

less intrusive. He thinks everyone will reject him, or think he's weird, or that they'll think the picture of his abdomen is fake unless he sends them more, and then their interactions will become an endless stream of lewds. He doesn't look built with his clothes on. His ex+

once said it was like someone had copied and pasted his face in the wrong body, like some weird magazine collage.

Remembering that should make him glad he's /not/ dating the asshole anymore, but it just makes him feel more miserable. He was an asshole that+

wanted him; willing to put up with all his oddities. He wasn't that great himself, and Tamaki still wasn't able to keep him.

He has no hope of keeping anyone else.

In the end, he finds himself chatting with three people. The guy with the legendary scowl, because he looked like+

he'd grasp the concept of /only/ wanting to get laid. The guy with too many teeth, who could probably do better than Tamaki, really, but had a really disastrous typo in his profile, and he sounded far too nice for Tamaki to feel good not telling him. And a fake account.

Tamaki guesses it's technically not catfish if he can tell the account is fake from the get-go. Mirio Togata is his favorite actor, and posters of him have been his masturbation material for as long as he can remember. So he recognizes the pictures immediately: a magazine cover+

released four months ago, for a special summer number; and some pictures from his social media. Mirio Togata in a pool, with the sun over him and that huge bright grin that warmed your heart through the screen. The person even included a picture of the actor's cat.

It's not the kind of pictures you'd get in a quick Go//ogle search. Which is the reason why Tamaki swipes right: maybe, and just /maybe/ he's in the presence of another fanboy.

Yes, he just wanted to get laid and everything, but Mirio Togata's fanbase is- well, not exactly+

sparse, but not exactly the kind that makes it easy to have a conversation. Tamaki loves the guy's body as much as the next person, but he also believes he's a skilled actor: he's followed his evolution for years, and feels an odd sense of pride for his accomplishments. And+

it's hard to have any conversation past a few phrases with anyone thinking he's just a cute face with nice abs.

The pictures the fake account chose give him a /little/ hope. There isn't a single shirtless picture; even with the pool, they chose one that focuses+

on his face, not on his body. They even included a picture of his cat, and Tamaki knows you'd have to be a true fan to know the man's cat.

He was trying to decide what to ask first when the guy messaged him. He didn't ask Tamaki's credit card information, or his immediate+

location or whether he had any family heirlooms or whatever scammers ask when they want to steal from you. He actually asked about his dog, and Tamaki was always happy to talk about Lemillion.

>>Lemillion? like the movie?
>>U a fan?

The message makes Tamaki roll his eyes.

<<I'm /his/ fan, yeah.
<<But you're not him.

He gets no answer for a while, and then a bunch of laughing emojis and a 'That's a new one' followed by even more laughing faces.

<<Has anyone believed you so far?
<<A famous actor using some shady dating app??

>>It's not /shady/
>>this is my third dating app
>>least shady of all 😂

<<Still
<<He wouldn't need one

<<He could get anyone he wanted
<<just asking

>>maybe he's busy?
>>His career takes a lot of time

>>And maybe he's a really good friend
>>So people always want to stay+

friends
>>Not date him

Tamaki laughs.

<<Nice try
<<He looks like he'd make a good friend
<<But you're not him
<<Sorry you got friendzoned

He gets another onslaught of laughing emojis.
_____________

In time, Tamaki stops using the dating app. There were, predictably,+

a bunch of assholes there, and decent people with better prospects than him. Tamaki ended up playing matchmaker for Bakugo (nasty scowl) and Kirishima (red hair and too many teeth). So, instead of getting laid, he got other two friends he could be the third wheel of. Just his+

luck.

Maybe he should just drop the dating market altogether. Clearly, he's not built for it.

>>mb you're just going for the wrong people?
>>Ur a cool guy
>>They're dumb if they don't see it

The compliment makes Tamaki smile.

For the first few weeks, he was really guarded+

talking to this guy. But little by little, his wariness started to melt. After all, he doesn't have the kind of money that would justify someone investing this much time talking to him. There must be easier targets for this scam; more credulous targets that don't happen to be a+

walking encyclopedia on the actor he's trying to impersonate. As time moves, he starts to think maybe the guy (at least he thinks it's a guy) is just bored. Maybe he needs someone to chat with between one crime and the next. Or maybe he's not a scammer, but just some person so+

deep into inanity even Tamaki is fun to talk to.

At first, they talk about their pets. Even if this guy is not Mirio Togata, he owns a cat of the same breed, and he loves to talk about her. He feels guilty about leaving her alone so often, so Tamaki suggests him+

to get a second cat, so they can keep each other company. A week later, he receives a picture of a slick black cat, with huge yellow eyes.

>>Suneater says hi!

<<Why that name?

>>It's nice, huh?
>>It's my favorite restaurant

Tamaki frowns, and then smiles.

>>you know that's a hole in your story, right?
>>Mirio Togata has never set foot on that place

<<🤣🤣🤣🤣
<<Nope, I'm pretty sure it's my favorite place

>>Right
>>I /work/ there
>>I've never seen him

>>Maybe he goes in disguise
>>So his manager can't see him breaking his diet

<<Fun story, but that doesn't happen
>>I'd know

> >Are you a waiter?

<<No
<<I work in the kitchen

> >Maybe that's why you haven't seen me
> >I don't eat in the kitchen

Tamaki chuckles.

<<Fair
<<Still don't believe you
┐(￣ヘ￣)┌
<<But smart

> >🤣🤣🤣🤣
(tbc~)

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