Thread by @JustSayXtian

Over the high holidays I heard a teaching that helped with a section of Torah I've always found troubling - the that God visits the guilt of the parents upon the children, upon the third and fourth generations. This repeats several times in the Torah.

It's softened a bit by what follows: "but showing kindness to the thousandth generation of those who love me and keep my commandments".

But it still seems pretty harsh. What kind of God would punish children for the wrongs their parents did? And aren't we told elsewhere God *doesn't* do that?

The rabbis interpret these verses in several ways that do address the seeming contradiction, and aligning it with the characterization that accompanies these verses in every instance of a merciful and just God.

In general, the sages say that the 'punishment of the iniquity of the parents' is only visited unto the 3rd and 4th generation *if they continue* in the same iniquities.

Sforno says that God waits to pass judgement on the initial doers of iniquity until 3 or 4 generations have passed, and waits to punish until it is clear whether the iniquity will continue for so long.

Chizkuni says that the punishment for the worst sins would be too much for one generation to bear, and so God shows mercy by spreading out the punishment over several generations so that none are overburdened.

These explanations make sense, but they still always left me feeling uneasy. What I received recently was this: This isn't God laying down rules. This is God telling us a hard truth. Intergenerational trauma is real.

Neither our parents nor our children are isolated, as much as we may wish they were. And maybe that can help us forgive our parents, where they need forgiveness, and be careful with our children, who need us to break cycles.

And that idea put me in mind of @TheRaDR 's teachings about intergenerational trauma in the story of the patriarchs and matriarchs, and how exactly that fits with the repeated phrasing about generations.

To expand:
"an impassioned God, visiting the guilt of the parents upon the children, upon the third and upon the fourth generations" (Ex. 20:5). With whom are we dealing here? With Terach, and the generations of his descendants.

We learn in a Midrash (sefaria.org/Bereishit_Rabb…) that Terach was a maker and seller of idols. The language about visiting iniquity on the 3rd and 4th generation is always in relation to idol worship. Avram, even before God tells himself to get himself going, rejects idolatry.

Terach's reaction is to give his son to Nimrod, who attempts to prove him wrong by sacrificing him in a fire. I think we can agree that this is some pretty abusive and traumatizing parenting - and it doesn't stop there.

The attempted sacrificing is done in front of Abram's family. His brother, Haran, silently decides that he will wait and see what happens to Abram and then align himself with whichever God seems strongest to save himself.

When Abram is miraculously saved, Nimrod asks Haran which gods he follows and Haran replies "with Abram's". Nimrod then casts him in the fire and Haran is not saved - he burns to death in front of his father and brother.

Pretty traumatizing. And this trauma persists for generations - three or four of them. In each generation there is conflict between brothers, perpetuated by the preference of their father. Isaac and Ishmael, Jacob and Esav, Joseph and his brothers. "Three or four" generations.

And "showing kindness to the thousandth generation of those who love me" - with whom are we dealing here? With Ephraim and Menassah. It's Joseph, in the fourth generation of echoing trauma, who breaks the cycle by forgiving his brothers and welcoming them back to him.

His children, the fifth generation, are the first to have no inter-fraternal conflict. When Jacob, who stole his older brother's blessing, tries to correct Jacob on which son is the eldest, Jacob gently refuses. He blesses *both* of his grandsons.

And he extends this blessing for all of Israel, forever - 'for a thousand generations' - saying "By you shall Israel invoke blessings, saying: God make you like Ephraim and Manasseh" (Gen. 48:20).

It isn't *God* that is punishing the generations following Terach. It's Terach's own descendants, who are hurting their children in reaction to the ways they were hurt by their parents.

And it isn't *God* that breaks the cycle and changes the trauma to a blessing. It's Jacob and Joseph, who recognize the harm and decide to end it through kindness. Through loving God by keeping God's commandment - "you shall not hate your brother in your heart" (Lev. 19:17)

Well this is all mixed up. Should be "when Joseph tries to correct Jacob, who stole his older brother's blessing, on which son is the eldest..."