Thread by @kehillis

In light of #PitchWars season, and the fact I've read SO MANY queries over the past several years, I thought I'd share some advice on queries for anyone setting off into the unforgiving trenches of publishing (whether for your first book or tenth!) (THREAD 👇)

First, the usual caveat: every book is different, so every query is unique, and what works for some stories won't work for others. Take what's useful and leave the rest (for this and all writing advice).

A second caveat: ALWAYS follow an agent's submission guidelines! Queries aren't just to get an agent's interest, they're also a test to see what kind of client you'll make, and following guidelines is the lowest bar you have to clear, so don't trip over it by ignoring guidelines

Now, onto the advice! Queries don't have to be perfect, which is lucky, because they can't be. Nothing is perfect, so don't stress about it!

What a query HAS to be is interesting and exciting. What that means can vary, but it starts with the basics: who the main character is, what they want, and what's standing in their way.

There are lots of resources out there about how to structure queries, so I'm going to focus on three elements I see less often discussed: specific details that make your book stand out in the slush, narrative voice, and setting expectations for the book itself.

Specific details can be tricky for queries, because you get 350 words (or less), so it's not a lot of room to work with. People often err very far on the side of keeping it simple, which is a good instinct, but if you overshoot your book can end up sounding too flat or familiar.

An example pitch: To secure funding, an academic joins other experts to audit a new theme park. But when things go awry, he'll have to struggle to escape the park alive.

If I read a book pitch like that I'd keep browsing, because while a dangerous theme park is kinda interesting, I don't know if it's going to be like, killer clowns, evil robots a la that episode of the Simpsons, etc. and no offense to academics, but they can be a little dull.

Here's the same pitch with specifics! Paleontologist Alan Grant, lured by a wealthy benefactor with the promise of much-needed funding for his dig, travels to an island near Costa Rica to tour a new theme park with a thrilling attraction: genetically engineered dinosaurs.(cont)

But when the dinosaurs break loose, Grant will have to use all his expertise to survive long enough to escape the island.

Even if you're not into dinosaurs (there's no accounting for taste), that pitch is a lot more interesting, because it's what the kids call "high-concept," meaning the shape of the conflict is clear and obvious, and so are the stakes.

We know what to expect from Jurassic Park because it's all right there: dinosaur mayhem, science gone awry, and some experts caught in the middle trying to survive.

You may have written a high-concept book, but if your query doesn't give enough specifics for readers to see that, they won't know.

This is a huge problem for fantasy books, because without a sprinkling of concrete details about the world/magic/etc., people will bring their own assumptions to the table, and that usually means generic medieval European fantasy.

It can be hard to know what to include in a query, because you wrote the book. You know exactly why it's cool and fresh and interesting (and would make an amazing Netflix show), but strangers reading your query aren't going to take your word for it.

You have to prove it to them, which is where that horrible "show don't tell" advice comes in.

So what details do you include? First, stay away from proper nouns the reader isn't likely to know (like fantasy country names, too many side character names, etc).

Notice in my pitch for Jurassic Park I didn't mention Isla Nublar, because until you watch the movie you don't know what or where that is. But most people are familiar with Costa Rica, so including that detail won't slow them down, and it adds the setting of a tropical island.

Use details that will ground the reader without confusing them. Usually a few adjectives will go a long way: haunted space station, desert planet, crumbling castle, charming bakery--whatever your world, build it enough in the query the reader gets excited!

The same should be done for the main character, too. It's hard to root for a character who's a blank space. If they have a career, a hobby, a defining personality trait, let the reader know.

An academic trapped on Dinosaur Death Island isn't as interesting as a paleontologist, because if you're an expert on dinosaur bones and suddenly a raptor is trying to eat you--now that's a story!

People are often hesitant to include details they worry are spoilers, but if it's something the reader learns in Act 1 of the book (roughly the first 25%), it's not a spoiler, it's a hook!

Almost as important as specific details, voice is essential to a good query. Voice is one of those horrible things everyone hates talking about because it's so vague and difficult to define, especially when talking about narrative voice as a whole.

But for the sake of queries, you can use a few tricks to bring in the voice from the book to the query. Again, it's not enough to say "this is a thrilling tale of science gone wrong, with a gruff but lovable protagonist and accessible narrative voice." You have to prove it.

If your book's narrative voice is charming and flirty, the query should be, too. If your protagonist is a melodramatic, doom-and-gloom goth, readers should feel that when reading the pitch. If the MC is anxious, carefree, bubbly, constantly furious--show the reader.

How you show them is through specific word choices. For this example, I'm going to focus on the emotional arc of Jurassic Park more than the plot arc. Because that movie isn't just about the dangers of science that serves only capitalism.

It's also a story about a man who hates kids (seeing them as annoying drains on his time and energy) learning that kids are actually people, too, and they can even add something essential to the world. (And also use a computer enough to get the door locks working.)

A new pitch: Paleontologist Alan Grant, lured by a wealthy benefactor with the promise of funding for his dig, joins a team of experts to tour a theme park with a thrilling attraction: genetically engineered dinosaurs. (continued)

But the doddering old benefactor invited along his snot-nosed grandkids, too, despite concerns the park isn't safe. When a mysterious power outage sets dinosaurs loose across the island, Grant is stuck babysitting the kids as they fight for survival--and escape.

You can make it obvious Grant hates kids from the language you use to describe the children and the situation. In the movie, we see Grant gleefully terrify a kid at the dig, then brush off Tim's chatty questions about his book and career. Showing vs. telling, once again.

A trick I sometimes use for getting voice into a query is I imagine the main character themself is the one writing the pitch. (But never, and I mean NEVER write a query in first person, unless it's for a memoir/non-fic. Queries are always third person present)

Just like how I immerse myself in their POV when I write the actual book, I look through their eyes and use the language they would to describe their predicament.

As for setting expectations, this is subtle but important. If an agent reads a flirty and fun query for a romance, then the sample pages have a different tone, it can be off-putting. Same if the opposite is true--a query with a drier voice will make the agent expect dry pages.

The facts of the query have to match the book, of course, but so should the tone. That’s another place word choices come into play, and those specific details.

Don’t promise a creepy castle and deliver a charming bakery--because while the book might be amazing, if sample pages don’t meet the reader’s expectations, it can be so jarring they move on.

My fourth and final piece of advice about queries is kind of meta-advice. The first time I sat down to write a query (way back in the embarrassing year of 2014), I got halfway through and realized my book itself was a mess.

I couldn't write a query that showed the reader my MC, their goal, and the stakes, because the book itself didn't have a clear goal or stakes.

Oops. I scrapped the query, shelved the book, and got to work writing something new.

Back then I had no idea how to revise a book, so shelving it was a little extreme. You should probably try revising it to fix the issues first. Point is, a query can actually be a great diagnostic tool (same as the dreaded synopsis!)

Which is why I now write a (bad, rough) query before I start drafting a new project. If I can pitch the book to myself and my critique partners, with all the necessary elements, even if it's not elegant, then there's enough book there for me to write.

I'm not saying you have to do this, but if you keep hitting walls with your query, take a look at your MS and see if it needs more work before you head to the query trenches.

That’s all for now! I hope this thread has been helpful, or at least inspired you to go watch Jurassic Park! (/end)