I am utterly blown away by this appearing in Cross Currents. (You can read it and tell me all the ways it falls short, or you can read it and realize what an enormous sea change is reflected in this discussion, of these issues, this way, for this audience. I prefer the latter.)
(For those not familiar, Cross Currents is a publication of and for the intellectual/open haredi world. If you go back and look at R' Shmuel Kaminetzky (with Arthur Goldberg!) in Hakira on "same-sex attraction" a decade ago and then this, it's light-years. Parsecs.)
I cannot give a big enough yasher koach to Rabbi @YisraelMotzen for stepping up and saying these things, in this community, about LGBTQ members of our community and their families. There is neck-sticking-out here, and there will be backlash. Thank you for braving it.
(No, I don't agree with everything he said or how he said it, and no, I don't think it's necessary or valuable to detail that here. We can recognize that there are different communities, in different places on these issues, hearing different messages and landing different places.
We can appreciate someone who's doing the heavy lifting of sharing an important message in a way that feels true to him, that's [hopefully] efshar lishmoa, and that is really a big step in its context, without feeling the need to explain why Someone Is Wrong on the Internet.)
A message of trans acceptance in Cross Currents, even if it's not exactly what you would have said or how you would have said it? I, for one, am very grateful.
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Following up on @DBashIdeas, the Jewish Action issue, and @themishpacha supplement that I haven't read yet, I want to say one thing about cost-of-frum-life discussions: enormously underrated in this conversation is the choice of where to live--*not* in the cost-of-living sense.
In the setting your barometer of what's normal, acceptable, adequate, and setting your kids' barometer of what's normal, acceptable, adequate.
I think people consider a lot of factors when they choose a community in which to live and raise a family, and "how will this set our family's materialism-barometer" is not necessarily one of them.
As someone who lived through the awful days of March and April of 2020 in New York City, I cannot believe that a political movement made an active choice to replicate what we suffered through.
My son is an EMT. At one point, they received orders that if a cardiac arrest patient couldn't be resuscitated outside the hospital, they should be pronounced dead and not brought to the hospital for further treatment--resources couldn't be spared.
FOX hosts and GOP electeds chose this for their listeners and constituents.
אֶת־חֲטָאַ֕י אֲנִ֖י מַזְכִּ֥יר הַיּֽוֹם
I was once Mr. Logic Man. Everything was a debating society point; if I could argue my way around you I was right and you were wrong. (And I could usually argue my way around you.)
Not only were lived experience and feelings irrelevant, introducing them into the conversation proved the weakness of an argument that could not stand up to the rigors of reasoned debate.
(If this sounds like a whole lot of frum internalized misogyny, you are absolutely right.)
I remember in college at some point getting into a vigorous argument with someone about how disabled people would be best served by robust Access-A-Ride programs that would give them rides places, rather than retrofitting public transit stations. Cost/benefit analysis, you see.
The ad hominems aren't worth addressing (and if I'm the staunchest proponent of abortion you know you should probably get out more), but there's something here that's either misinformed or dishonest, and is important to point out.
I know two married frum women--by know, I don't mean "heard about"; I mean "see/speak to weekly"--who terminated pregnancies for fetal abnormalities incompatible with life. They did so under the guidance of the greatest poskim in my community.
In one case, the pregnancy was the result of an expensive, physically arduous, and emotional taxing IVF process. Every day she carried the pregnancy with the doomed fetus was a day that she was suffering through well-wishes for the "finally!" pregnancy that wasn't viable.
August 28th is my birthday. It's also the anniversary of the day I learned about my stillbirth fourteen years ago. (Never schedule a doctor's/midwife's appointment on your birthday--you may 1. change the day forever and 2. never be able to forget the date when.)
(Otherwise perfectly normal pregnancy; we'd passed the standard 18-20 week anatomy scan with flying colors. I found out about the fetal death when the midwife couldn't get a heartbeat on the Doppler. Nothing discernible happened--testing revealed no genetic abnormalities.)
That experience--the decisions I had to make then (deliver a dead baby? Go under general anesthesia and have them extract a dead baby from my unconscious body? Yes, this is awful, but these are the decisions that have to be made),