Thread by @c0nc0rdance

If you say someone has a laconic wit, you're saying they sound like someone from the city-state of Sparta ('Laconia' referred to the whole region).

The Spartans were famously efficient with their words as opposed to their 'Attic' cousins in Athens.

Why the reputation? (thread)

Sparta was famous for Stoicism & military efficiency, especially in contrast to Athens.

So when Phillip II of Macedon invaded Southern Greece, he sent a message to Sparta asking if he should come to their region as friend or foe.

"Neither" was the Laconic reply.

In response to that one word reply:
"If I invade Laconia, I shall turn you out."

Sparta's ephors (leaders) replied with the single word:
"If."

The story doesn't end well for Sparta, but it's a great illustration of how they got their reputation for minimalist wit.

Some other examples:
Lycurgus, who supposedly established Spartan society, when democracy was proposed in Sparta:
"Begin with your own family."

Polycratidas, a Spartan diplomat sent to meet with Persian generals to broker a peace, when asked whether he came in a public or private capacity.
"If we succed, public; if not, private."

One of the Seven Sages of Greece, Myson of Chenae, was born in Laconia, and produced the useful Stoic insight in laconic form:
"We should not investigate facts by the light of arguments, but arguments by the light of facts."

Another great Laconic philosopher, Chilon of Sparta, when asked in what manner the educated differed from the uneducated, replied: "In good hopes."