Thread by @sporadicspeaker

On helping a loved one in #AutisticBurnout, another 🧵

https://twitter.com/Sora_Jansen/status/1442591031812308992

Ask us what we need. @Sora_Jansen nailed this step by asking all of us online, but also remember to ask the actual person in your life if you can. They might not know, but it's helpful just to open up the floor for them and let them know it's okay to ask for help.

On a similar note, if you know your loved one is sensitive to certain sensory input, proactively change things for them. I am often so burned out that I don't see the problem, much less the solution. For example:

I don't realize the lights are up way too bright, or the window's open and my ears hurt from the noise outside. The other day my loved one saw me pain-stimming and turned the lights down. They they asked "is that better?" which was also helpful, because it alerted me to the issue

Let us grieve. Burnout takes so much from us, and it's natural to go through a mourning period. (Or, the more episodic bouts of grief or "Sad Attacks" I've been experiencing.) Sit with us in the sadness, remind us that it's okay to feel sad.

Give us space. Burnout heightens sensory sensitivities. Everything is too much for me, most of the time. If we need to be alone for awhile, don't make us feel bad about that. Encourage healthy boundary-setting.

Check in with us. Give us some options of how you think you could help. an you go for a walk once a week with us? Help reinforce the concept of time via reminders for meals? Can you help us create a new routine/schedule? Make a phone call for us? Body-double a self-care task?

Ex: my loved one and I brush our teeth together every night. It's body-doubling, but for self-care. It gives me a chance each morning to try to do it on my own, but I rarely go 24h without brushing my teeth anymore, which is a huge difference.

Give us time. We're not going to get better immediately. Recovery is long and arduous; keep at it with us. There's a good chance we won't recover fully from this. Any progress we make, is made against all odds, and should be celebrated.

Don't be surprised when we emerge from burnout acting differently than you saw us act before burnout. Unmasking is critical to our recovery and to the prevention of relapses.

Unmasking is also a pretty scary and difficult thing to do. It's especially scary to unmask in front of people who aren't used to seeing so much of our true selves all at once like that.