Thread by @insomnochick

I were a white supremacist/elitist/classist, I can't imagine a better way to hold onto and increase my power and privilege than to pretend I hate them, don't want them, and want better for everyone who doesn't have them. In other words, 1/

...what better way to keep and increase power than to become a malignant narcissist! Let's look at the steps:
2. When they're hooked, find a fault they can't fix easily or at all 2/ their best qualities
2. When they're hooked, find a fault they can't fix easily or at all 2/

3. Create doubt in their minds that they are the people they thought you thought they were
4. Keep moving the goalposts so they keep chasing the dragon of the virtue I initially assured them they had, while
5. gaslighting them; saying I never said/did what they claim 3/

6. Separate people from those who really value and love them (family, friends, co-workers, etc), and anyone rational who was onto me and my bullshit by shamelessly lying & using shame and guilt to keep them fighting amongst themselves, not with me. 4/

7. Use the newly co-dependent people described above to do the same to the children; lather, rinse, repeat. Tell them they're earning back their virtue by doing so, so they have an incentive to suppress the feeling it's wrong, should they feel that way. 5/

8. Use the children as my flying monkeys, who'll go forth and serve as my protectors, even cannon fodder if need be.
9. Blame the ensuing destruction and misery on those who still have the balls to call me out as the monster I really am. 6/

Right now in America, we are in an abusive relationship that mirrors a relationship with narcissistic abusers. It's not one, of course, but a den of them, you might call it a "swamp," and it can't be drained. 7/

The way you deal with such people is first, to acknowledge they don't want what you want. They want power, for its own sake, because they are empty, and only feel remotely OK when they're in control.

YOU, on the other hand, want peace and harmony, and to be left alone. 8/

You can't persuade, or convert them. You can't reason with them. STOP trying to negotiate with them, and stop thinking you can work within their dominance circles to bring them down. You can't. They've got flying monkeys for their flying monkeys. 9/

If you're not careful, some of those flying monkeys will be your own children. Ask those who escaped Mao's cultural revolution alive how that works.

The only way to deal with these people is to go "gray rock," or "no contact." Gray rock is Rosa Parks on the bus 10/

No contact is exactly what it sounds like: leave their sphere of influence, and don't look back. Every minute you spend trying to topple narcissists from the inside is a minute wasted, and a piece of your soul gone. The rebuilding, healing, and progress can't start. 11/

Narcissists and the systems they build for self-preservation are only granted legitimacy by your efforts to "reform" them; they are still the center of your universe, and they actually ENJOY watching you try. 12/

Narcissists use your efforts to topple them as fuel, or "supply" to justify their claims to victimhood, which in turn attracts MORE supply in the form of more tender-hearted people. Lather, rinse, repeat. 13/

Everything is going exactly as planned. Conspiracy? Nah, narcissistic abuse cycle, which is as predictable as night following day. Once you see it (or live through it, and escape it), you can't miss it. That's the GOOD news. The bad news is, rebuilding is still hard. 14/

Remember: power-hungry narcissists burned your bridges (or encouraged you to blow them up yourself), and set themselves up to look "sane" to your "crazy." You can't waste energy trying to persuade others. 15/

You've got to get independent, and fast because leaving the narcissist's power structure, rendering them irrelevant in your life, causes injury, and they won't allow that. They'll try to pull you back, or get ugly. 16/

They are parasitic soul-stealers. Find your fellow travelers, get your stoic game-face on, and build systems and survival skills they can't take away from you./END