The parent friends in my life don’t force their kids to engage with adults & I enthusiastically support it by responding positively, with gratitude, when a child chooses to wave or high five me instead of a hug. I affirm that all the ways they choose to engage with me are good.
Even when kids are feeling shy or angry & hid behind parents I will still say bye & that it was nice to see them because it was. Shaming kids, or anyone, for not being in the mood or not having the capacity to perform certain social etiquette norms is damaging & frankly ableist.
Generally I find that because I affirm kids’ choices on how to engage early on, they warm up to me way faster even when we don’t know each other well. I learned a lot being a nanny & from feminist mothers in my circles.
Kids are people & should be treated like people who have distinct desires, needs & personalities separate from their parents. They may not be able to express themselves eloquently but when supported, they do often express themselves clearly.
One time my partner, friend & I were talking about work at dinner. My friend’s six year old interrupted to say “Can we talk about something I can talk about now?” And like, hell yea. We were unconsciously excluding her from engaging & if that happened to me I’d be annoyed too.
Later the kid wanted a donut & her mom said she had enough sugar for the day. The kid was like “That makes me mad. I’m going to go scream into my pillow about it” then she walked into the house, screamed into a pillow & came back to calmly ask for sugar free ice cream instead.
I didn’t have emotional intelligence or the ability to communicate well about my feelings as a child or even teen because I was taught my feelings don’t matter, that as a child, my emotional reaction to things was wrong, inappropriate, inconvenient to those around me.
Whenever I didn’t want to do something or felt uncomfortable I was told to be a big kid or a good girl, to be helpful to the adults around me by squashing my emotions & needs to comply with what they wanted instead, especially in extended family & religious community settings.
It laid the foundation for me to have trouble saying no/holding boundaries and expressing my feelings honestly when I thought my feelings might upset someone. I learned to value making other people comfortable & happy over myself. I learned to silence & ignore my own needs.
I refuse to participate in teaching those toxic & oppressive lessons to the kids in my life. I do my best to honor their humanity & model good, respectful relationships for them. Stop forcing your kids to engage with people when they don’t want to, they are not your human props.

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More from @DrSamiSchalk

4 Oct
I’m beginning the process of getting permanent surgical birth control, likely a tubal ligation. I’m so excited. I can’t wait to never worry about getting pregnant ever again.
Today my doctor made the referral to gynecology. Just getting that appointment will take weeks. From there I will hopefully be able to schedule surgery which will take several more weeks. This was just step 2 (step one was scheduling this appointment to get the referral).
I first wanted non-hormonal birth control around 26 so I tried an IUD but they couldn’t get it in. The doctor literally said that I “have an unusually narrow cervix” but said most doctors won’t consider permanent/surgical birth control options for child free women until after 35.
Read 6 tweets
29 Sep
Another student with COVID. We’re in week 4. I’ve had 6 students of 100 now test positive, most of whom disclosed to me that they were vaccinated. I’ve had just as many students have to miss class because of exposure or COVID symptoms while they waited on test results.
I’ve basically thrown out any attendance policy & have my classes taking collaborative notes for absent students to look at in lieu of trying to livestream discussions which is impossible without really good tech.
Every day I just dissociate a little to forget about the risk I’m taking walking into my classrooms each week. I’ve had students express their appreciation. I am also aware of how good it feels to teach in person & feel their energy, get real time feedback on what’s happening…
Read 5 tweets
29 Sep
Not Lizzo’s team releasing a bunch of Rumors merch that only goes up to a size XL! You gotta be fucking kidding me. (The sweatshirt does go to 3X but the crop tops, booty shorts and swimsuits do not). Fix it fat Black Jesus!
Like I DO want a swimsuit that says Fake Boobs on the chest & Fake Ass on the booty. That’s some funny shit. But I can’t. This is why the whole team has to be on board with the politics of the work bc this fuckery will happen w/out you knowing. At least I hope she didn’t know. 😩
And don’t tell me it was out of their control. This is some basic ass black on white/white on black screen printing. Find a better vendor with a wider size range. It’s pre-order anyway. You’re not losing shit by offering it and of all the fandoms I think Lizzo’s is pretty fat. 😤
Read 5 tweets
20 Sep
Why are so many accommodations being denied at UW-Madison? I personally know a handful of disabled faculty, students & staff who have had accommodations denied or who have had alternate (cheaper) accommodations offered that do not address their main concerns. #AcademicAbleism
As a member of the Disability Studies Initiative, a disability studies scholar & a disabled faculty member myself, I am extremely concerned by the stories I’m hearing. I am also putting in a extra, behind the scenes labor to try to advocate for folks & provide emotional support.
Disabled people and our allies at this institution are tired, angry & on the edge of being forced out entirely. The university is not meeting even the barest standards of the ADA despite what previous press suggested.
Read 4 tweets
17 Sep
I hope Lil Nas X knows how many Black queer ppl are rooting for him. I hope he can feel how much he is loved. He could never make another piece of art & he would still be iconic & groundbreaking. He has offered us so much at 22. I just want him to be happy & protected forever.
He is an artist. He sings, writes music, acts & is a massively innovative marketer of his work. On top of that he has continued to make social justice issues central to his work, not simply in terms of visual representation, but by creatively getting folks to donate money.
He’s 22 yall. This is a DEBUT ALBUM. He is just getting started. He has barely scratched the surface. Think about Beyoncé at 22 and now at 40. Can you imagine the growth & the power possible for Lil Nas X in 18 more years?!
Read 4 tweets
16 Sep
Story: One of my partners & I teach at the same time in the same building, one floor apart, using the same Bluetooth wireless headset mics that our department bought for faculty. Today my mic kept cutting out so I took it off and turned it off.
However, I did not turn off the speaker & the Bluetooth jack that goes w/ the mic. I continued my class discussion of @CripCampFilm when all of a sudden my partner’s voice came from the speaker talking about some disability history stuff connected to what my class was discussing.
The students a lil spooked by how it seemed like the voice on the speaker was answering my questions. I laughed & told them it was another GWS prof who teaches another disability studies class then turned off the speaker. After class I immediately texted my partner about it. 😆
Read 4 tweets

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