Like I keep telling everyone - my goldfish - Johnson has got a phantom majority.
He's got a majority for all sorts of things like selling seats in parliament and political bribes. But not for Brexit.
It works like this.
Johnson has got a party committed to and expecting to see a total Brexit. That can be done only if you leave Northern Ireland behind.
Because Johnson can't put a border in Ireland
And this is the difference between real government and loudmouth boasting. In real life - not the playpen Johnson is familiar with - government carries responsibility.
Johnson has to keep to the Good Friday Agreement.
Do you remember when Donald Trump went stamping around bellowing that he wasn't going to accept the election result? But in the end he did. Remember? Same with Johnson.
Johnson is committed to a treaty he doesn't like - The Good Friday Agreement. He doesn't like it because it's in his way, and like Trump he bellows at things he doesn't understand.
The Good Friday Agreement is part of the responsibility of Johnson's job.
On the other hand he's also boasted himself to a total separation from Europe.
Which is only possible if you split the United Kingdom
Johnson can't split the United Kingdom and survive - which is why he has repudiated the treaty that would do exactly that.
Neither can he break the Good Friday Agreement.
You see the position he's in. he can't put a border in Ireland. He can't put one in the Irish Sea. And yet he has promised everyone a total separation from Europe.
Everyone can see the problem, but everyone keeps misreading the answer. Johnson has had people wiping his arse all his life, but now for the first time there's no one to do that
There is nowhere Johnson can put a border, and he can't survive if he doesn't.
Now, if you ignore all Johnson's boasting, what you've got left is fact, and you can see what's going to happen.
Ignore the boasting
Johnson is going to maintain the Good Friday Agreement.
That's absolute.
Johnson is also committed to a total separation from Europe. His political survival depends on that.
What it means is that Johnson has to put a border in the Irish Sea, and the minute he does so, he's finished.
Theresa May was the same. She imagined herself having ten years, but she had to go because she couldn't get past Brexit.
And I'm saying Johnson the same.
If Johnson can't get past Brexit he'll have to resign. But whichever way he tries he's going to resign.
He can be a stubborn as Theresa May if he wants, but he's not going to get it done, and like her he'll have to resign.
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Set the scene
The Tories are split over Europe, but they keep winning elections. The country won't stop voting for them, and they won't stop squabbling.
Cameron was in coalition with the Lib Dems for five years, so Europe didn't come up much. Then he won a majority of 10.
So far so ordinary
Fuck Up Number 1
Labour elected Jeremy Corbyn.
Corbyn was, and indeed still is, a crank. The first warning sign the country was sick was the huge number of people who ever thought he was fit to lead a party, never mind plausible prime minister.
I think the answer is that Johnson can't conclude Brexit.
He's finished if he puts a border in Ireland, he's finished if he puts it in the Irish Sea, and he's finished if he stays in the single market.
Johnson has got a majority only as long as Brexit is still open. As soon as he tries to conclude it his government will collapse.
But if he doesn't conclude it it's going to stink him out like a corpse in the sun
I could be wrong, but Johnson is going to have to resign pretty soon if he can't finish Brexit. And then we get another election because the Tories still can't do Brexit. Or Johnson calls an election himself.
I'll tell you what's wrong with Britian's parliamentary system - oh, I'm so glad, I was hoping somebody would.
I've said before that government and parliament should be two separate entities instead of this freakshow we've got where the government is produced from the well of the general parliament.
But why? Oh yes.
It's because there is no restraint. That's what parliament is supposed to be. In its more fantastical moments it even believes itself to be.
You don't understand that England is experiencing a total system failure.
The country is being destroyed by the most expensively educated people you've got.
Your country is failing but you're not interpreting the failure.
Countries don't just destroy themselves overnight. It takes time and effort
Brexit and Botty Johnson, these are not random events that spook out of nowhere. Your country has destroyed itself, but systematically over many many years.
Johnson signed a treaty, forced it through parliament with minimal scrutiny, and then boasted it up to the entire country.
Now he's saying he can't live up to it.
That is a resignation offence.
I want people to start doing their fucking job.
I want the opposition to start demanding Johnson's resignation. I want newsmen to start asking why he hasn't resigned.
Johnson negotiated a treaty, won a general election with it and put it into law. And now he is trying to repudiate what he did.
That is a scandal even bigger than Suez, and I want the opposition and the media in this fucking country to start treating it in an appropriate way
Englishmen, allow me to guide you to the right answer. It's so easy when you see it.
There are two sides in Northern Ireland who really don't like each other. One side wants to be part of Ireland, and the other wants to be part of Britain.
Easy
The answer is to not have a border anywhere. There wasn't one before, so keep there none.
Brexit. Who?
What's the actual answer? With two hostile sides each refusing one of the borders available, the answer is to have no border.
So what's stopping you?