Thread by @AlexBuddyUp1

Many people are looking for a "mean" accountability buddy.

Someone who will give them a hard time if they don't complete their goals.

While this feels intuitively efficient, I don't buy it.

Here's why...

A thread

1/ Some people can get extreme when it comes to following-up on their goals.

Like scheduling a shaming tweet early in the morning, just to make sure they wake up on time to cancel it.

Or betting money using apps like StikK.

2/ It's common to hear people longing for a "kick in the ass" to help them cure procrastination.

And I heard some influencers suggest that you can't develop a friendship with an accountability buddy.

Or else the person would be too nice with you.

3/ While the "mean" accountability buddy has its merits in the short run, I believe it does not translate to great factual results in the long run.

4/ First, the point of doing check-ins with a human being compared to a goal setting app is to have more flexibility.

A human being can understand why you were not able to achieve your goals.

5/ But while anybody can understand legitimate excuses for failing to accomplish goals, like being on holidays, getting sick or having an accident.

A "mean" accountability might not understand that even not accomplishing the goals you set could be a victory.

6/ And this can happen more than once.

That's because the map is not the territory.

You can't foresee everything.

And you need to be agile along the way to be efficient.

7/ Second, being "mean" with someone sets the wrong mindset.

It implies you consider your partner like someone who is not able to do things without being penalized.

I know you care for your buddy, but this is at the subconscious level, you can't do anything about it.

8/ And it's like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The more you believe someone is externally motivated, the more that person BECOMES externally motivated.

Douglas McGregor spoke about it at length on his "Theory X / Theory Y" seminal motivation works.

9/ An external motivation is problematic.

As the goal should always be to empower your buddy to become more responsible for his/her own personal development.

Instead, it makes your partner dependent on you.

10/ Lastly, having a "mean" accountability buddy will create emotional pressure.

Which will make your thinking process more rigid.

And stifle your creativity.

11/ This is called the "tunnel vision effect".

When someone is being mean with you, you get stressed out.

You feel judged, and you can only think about the safest, most straight forward things.

Which is not great to find innovative solutions.

12/ In the end, the trick is really about being aware of these negative effects.

So that you apply just a gentle tension to help your buddy achieve his/her goals.

Instead of controling, you empower.

Instead of judging, you build awareness and support.