If this speech lasts five minutes it'll be too long.
I seem to be watching a Tory prime minister make a speech about how catastrophically the country has performed after 11 years of Tory rule.
Johnson mistakes alliteration for wit.
Pub bore greatest hits. 'Now in North London they have children's races with no winners' etc. Be a miracle if we get through this without him talking about people trying to ban Christmas.
Goes without saying that the people in the hall are lapping it up. But it's useful to contrast this with the coverage in today's press, even in supportive or middle-of-the-road papers. They're demanding a plan for what's happening. And there isn't much sign of it in this speech. 
Machine gun fire of gibbering vacuity. The intellectual equivalent of being waterboarded with out-of-date jelly.
People were wondering last night if the speech would have any policy. It doesn't even have a structure.
Fuck me. "Very few countries could have pulled of the Kabul airlift." Incredible to hear hi frame a moment of acute national humiliation as triumph.
"There's no-one as good at beating a hasty retreat as us, lads."
We're on how great Churchill was, of course.
Apparently it's a problem when countries try to "edit" their history. He's going to be shocked when he finds out what the study of history involves.
It's over. Apparently that lasted 45 minutes. Felt like 12 hours.
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