🧵: A Lot of Women *Do* Like Sex, ACTUALLY
Yesterday's thread has been generating conversation & I have something to add. Although one of the most pressing issues produced by evangelical marriage resources is the horror of women being pressured into sex even though sex is...1/8
Yesterday's thread has been generating conversation & I have something to add. Although one of the most pressing issues produced by evangelical marriage resources is the horror of women being pressured into sex even though sex is...1/8
https://twitter.com/_Bryana_Joy/status/1446634848639139844
...not enjoyable for them, the tone taken by these authors also creates a second issue that deserves more attention: the continuous messaging telling women "God didn't design us to like sex as much as men" is frustrating & isolating to so many women for whom it rings untrue. 2/8
Among the women in my age bracket with whom I have discussed sex, the majority actually consider themselves to have a higher sex drive than their husbands & tend to be the ones experiencing sexual rejection. I personally recall how distressing it was for me in my young...3/8
...adult years to be constantly told that "women don't like sex" when I knew I very much did. Over time, this messaging made me feel increasingly alienated from my own sexuality, & even threatened by sex. It's hard to enjoy something when you're regularly being told...4/8
...you probably won't enjoy it but it's your duty to do it anyway so you had better suck it up & be happy about it if you want your marriage to survive. I wish I had language to express the feelings of helplessness, rage, & utter confusion this narrative fostered in me. 5/8
It made me (& other women who have shared their stories with me—women who *do* like sex, actually) feel violated, uncared for, & unheard. It poisoned something for us that we cared about a lot, actually: sex. 6/8
So this is what I'm here to say: can we please stop saying "women don't care about sex as much as men" & start acknowledging that even despite hundreds of years of women being victimized by sex & objectified, the gender gap in libido is STILL actually surprisingly small? 7/8
In their survey of 20,000 women, @sheilagregoire & her team found that only 58.5% of women reported their husbands had a higher sex drive. Which is...really not that much? So I'm begging: can we let go of this unhelpful gender essentialism in the area of libido? 8/8
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