Thread by @AlexPetrovnia

Today is #NationalComingOutDay, and I've been waiting all year to discuss some thoughts. I hate National Coming Out Day. 🧵

There are a few reasons why but the biggest is this: coming out day places all the responsibility on the queer person to come out, and none of the responsibility on cishet people to do better.

So if you're queer - I see you and I value you, whether you're out or not. You don't owe anyone information on your gender or sexuality. It's not "lying". Please don't feel pressure to come out until you're ready, really ready. I promise it's okay to wait if you're afraid.

If you're cishet - on this Coming Out Day I want you to think long and hard about why coming out is so emphasized. Why are queer people only valued when we make ourselves hypervisible (even when doing so is dangerous)? Why is it important for cishets that we identify ourselves?

Why is coming out day about queer people outing themselves rather than about how our community can be better supported? Why is our visibility more important to allies than our safety?

This coming out day, I don't want you to encourage people to come out. Instead, I want you to work to make a world that is safe to be out in - and then be patient. No one, absolutely no one, owes it to you to be out to you. No one owes it to anyone to be out.

Queer visibility is not more valuable than queer safety or queer lives. Being visible is dangerous, and a choice that can only be made carefully and by the individual. There is no shame in protecting yourself.

This is not to say being out is bad, or coming out is bad. But this must be an individual decision made without peer pressure, especially not the kind of peer pressure so commonly exhibited in Coming Out Day.

So queer people - whoever you are, whether you're out, or coming out, or closeted, or intend to stay closeted - you count. You are part of this community. You deserve love, safety, and chances to thrive.
We'll keep fighting to make the world a better place to be queer in. 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈