I've long said I would write an essay for those of us who were raised with any version of "purity culture" and who are now going through the menopause transition. Here it is. #MenopauseAwarenessMonth
When I began to notice the impact of perimenopause on my vagina & sex drive, it bothered me more than hot flashes, no longer sleeping through the night, and changes to my digestive system.

It bothered me because I felt I was being robbed again feministgiant.com/p/moisturize-y… #Menopause
Not by menopause, which is “natural” (I rarely use that word because it's often employed by cis heteronormative patriarchy in the name of fuckery) but by an upbringing & socialization that instilled in me something that should be considered unnatural & which took me years to shed
I was socialized into a shame around sex and sexuality, and I was taught--and I obeyed--that I must wait until I get married to have sex.
I am sad for my younger self that I obeyed for so long and thus deprived myself of the joy of sex with another person. It is a form of grieving that I am now beginning to honour as grief over the loss of joy and intimacy. feministgiant.com/p/moisturize-y…
Such teachings are flags planted by patriarchy on our bodies to remind us we don't own them; to control our sexuality & fertility. Soon after puberty, we become walking liabilities that must be contained & controlled, as if our uteruses were grenades ready to explode.
I'm childfree by choice. Now that my fertility has finally vacated the building, who owns my body?

I do. And it's at exactly this point when I'm standing in my power as a 54yi woman of colour that patriarchy wants to remind me that it renders me moot.

Well, fuck that shit.
I wanted to write to every person raised with any version of “purity culture” and tell them to enjoy their bodies at every stage.

Don’t wait, I wanted to yell at them. Don’t let the patriarchy rob you.
I was enjoying sex with myself from the age of about 11. I knew my way around my genitals and was giving myself orgasms for years before another person did. I finally had sex with another person when I was 29. feministgiant.com/p/moisturize-y… #MenopauseAwarenessMonth
I often say that I have “made up for lost time,” and that I fucked the guilt from having extra marital sex out of my system.
After the laughter clears though, you should know I am making a serious point: I worked hard to own my body, to have sex the way I want to, to figure out who I am attracted to and how I want to be intimate with them. #MenopauseAwarenessMonth
When I began to notice the impact of perimenopause on my vagina and sex drive, at first I was shell shock.

Then I was bereft.

And then, I was fucking enraged. I was determined to steal back my sex drive.

And I did. feministgiant.com/p/moisturize-y… #MenopauseAwarenessMonth
Read my essay for how.

tl:dr every night after I moisturize my face, I moisturize my vagina.

I wrote this in Canada, where cannabis is “legal." After I moisturize my face and my vagina, I microdose: a little THC is great for enhancing TLC, alone or partnered. #Menopause
The more I learn how hormonal changes affect a menopausal body, the more I appreciate queerness: sex is more than penetration/penis in vagina, sex isn't about a goal or an end/orgasm, pleasure & intimacy between partners/alone are what make sex vital for those of us who want it.
I am not a dedicated menopause account. I am, rather, a dedicated shamelessness account. Find the places where you are ruled by should not/would not/could not and defy, disobey, and disrupt the patriarchy by knowing—and vowing—that you shall, will and can. feministgiant.com/p/moisturize-y…
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feministgiant.com
If you prefer to listen to my essay, I recorded an audio version

soundcloud.com/mona-eltahawy-… #MenopauseAwarenessMonth

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More from @monaeltahawy

21 Oct
I’ve had one of those magical London nights, heightened by the fact that it’s been so long. And I jus broke the blind in the room where I’m staying, it feels almost silly to say, but it’s part of this upside down great night.

People are—can be—magical.
It was the kind of night where I discussed a book project with publishers—yes yes more info soon!—and anarchist feminism with a German restaurateur and Paula Rego’s retrospective at Tate Britain with a Portuguese waiter.

I miss people. I love people.
I am supremely humbled that people feel comfortable opening up to me.

I don’t always reflect on what a privilege it is but someone asked me tonight “Do people often do that? Open up to you like that?” and I guess they do, especially—intriguingly—cis hey men.

We want to be seen
Read 7 tweets
21 Oct
Through Arabic language accounts that are unprecedented in their boldness, sexual radicals in Egypt and the region are targeting shame, taboo, silence, and sexual repression. I interviewed and write about several for my new essay.
Orgasms, masturbation, anal sex, abortion, being queer, how to ask for what you want from a sexual partner, consent – nothing is off limits. feministgiant.com/p/egypts-sexua…
Fatma Ibrahim, a feminist researcher, says she started The Sex Talk after “trying to recognise and understand my own body and sexuality, gaining independence and fighting for agency over them, then realising that every woman should have this independence and this agency too.”
Read 14 tweets
21 Oct
In 2015, I wrote Headscarves and Hymens: Why the Middle East Needs a Sexual Revolution. I wrote this for @africaarguments to say: the sexual revolution has started!

Egypt’s Sexual Revolutionaries Tackling the Tyranny Within.
feministgiant.com/p/egypts-sexua…
My article was commissioned by & is cross-posted w/ @AfricanArguments as part of the Radical Activism in Africa special series, guest edited by feminist scholar & revolutionary @drstellanyanzi. It was a thrill to work with her & @jamesjwan Check out series africanarguments.org/category/afric…
I am thrilled that FEMINIST GIANT is collaborating with more projects and I'll be announcing more plans soon.

Subscribe! It's free - no paywall or ads.

If you can pay, it helps to keep it free
feministgiant.com
Read 4 tweets
21 Oct
I am meeting new people on this first work trip since the pandemic and I’m thrilled that when they ask me what I do, I tell them I destroy the patriarchy by writing things I could not/would not before: being childfree by choice feministgiant.com/p/unmothering?…
My sex drive and menopause feministgiant.com/p/moisturize-y…
Read 4 tweets
20 Oct
My two most recent essays are part of what I call finding the places where you are ruled by should not/would not/could and vowing that you shall, will and can. This one on menopause, my sex drive, and the importance of moisturizing your vagina #Menopause
And this one in which I write about my “legal” and “illegal” abortions.
If you’re wondering where along my menopause journey I am, it is far enough that if I hear a voice in my head saying "Oh my god, you can't write about that!" I WILL IN FACT WRITE ABOUT THAT. And that is an absolute advantage of being 54 years old. feministgiant.com/p/moisturize-y…
Read 5 tweets
20 Oct
I am upside down with lack of sleep and jet lag (I’d forgotten this part of international travel - ha!), but exciting things coming up at FEMINIST GIANT today!

feministgiant.com
In collaboration with @africaarguments, and for their series on radicals on the African continent, I wrote about sex positive and sexual wellness social media accounts by women and queer people in Egypt and the region. Publishing soon!
Global Roundup is back after a brief break. Intern Inaara Merani will bring you Wednesdays news of feminist resistance.

Subscribe! It’s free - no paywall or ads.

If you can pay, it helps keep it free.

feministgiant.com/p/coming-soon?…
Read 4 tweets

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