Thread by @monaeltahawy

I've long said I would write an essay for those of us who were raised with any version of "purity culture" and who are now going through the menopause transition. Here it is. #MenopauseAwarenessMonth

https://twitter.com/monaeltahawy/status/1449757912059064327

When I began to notice the impact of perimenopause on my vagina & sex drive, it bothered me more than hot flashes, no longer sleeping through the night, and changes to my digestive system.

It bothered me because I felt I was being robbed again feministgiant.com/p/moisturize-y… #Menopause

Not by menopause, which is “natural” (I rarely use that word because it's often employed by cis heteronormative patriarchy in the name of fuckery) but by an upbringing & socialization that instilled in me something that should be considered unnatural & which took me years to shed

I was socialized into a shame around sex and sexuality, and I was taught--and I obeyed--that I must wait until I get married to have sex.

I am sad for my younger self that I obeyed for so long and thus deprived myself of the joy of sex with another person. It is a form of grieving that I am now beginning to honour as grief over the loss of joy and intimacy. feministgiant.com/p/moisturize-y…

Such teachings are flags planted by patriarchy on our bodies to remind us we don't own them; to control our sexuality & fertility. Soon after puberty, we become walking liabilities that must be contained & controlled, as if our uteruses were grenades ready to explode.

I'm childfree by choice. Now that my fertility has finally vacated the building, who owns my body?

I do. And it's at exactly this point when I'm standing in my power as a 54yi woman of colour that patriarchy wants to remind me that it renders me moot.

Well, fuck that shit.

I wanted to write to every person raised with any version of “purity culture” and tell them to enjoy their bodies at every stage.

Don’t wait, I wanted to yell at them. Don’t let the patriarchy rob you.

I was enjoying sex with myself from the age of about 11. I knew my way around my genitals and was giving myself orgasms for years before another person did. I finally had sex with another person when I was 29. feministgiant.com/p/moisturize-y… #MenopauseAwarenessMonth

I often say that I have “made up for lost time,” and that I fucked the guilt from having extra marital sex out of my system.

After the laughter clears though, you should know I am making a serious point: I worked hard to own my body, to have sex the way I want to, to figure out who I am attracted to and how I want to be intimate with them. #MenopauseAwarenessMonth

When I began to notice the impact of perimenopause on my vagina and sex drive, at first I was shell shock.

Then I was bereft.

And then, I was fucking enraged. I was determined to steal back my sex drive.

And I did. feministgiant.com/p/moisturize-y… #MenopauseAwarenessMonth

Read my essay for how.

tl:dr every night after I moisturize my face, I moisturize my vagina.

I wrote this in Canada, where cannabis is “legal." After I moisturize my face and my vagina, I microdose: a little THC is great for enhancing TLC, alone or partnered. #Menopause

The more I learn how hormonal changes affect a menopausal body, the more I appreciate queerness: sex is more than penetration/penis in vagina, sex isn't about a goal or an end/orgasm, pleasure & intimacy between partners/alone are what make sex vital for those of us who want it.

I am not a dedicated menopause account. I am, rather, a dedicated shamelessness account. Find the places where you are ruled by should not/would not/could not and defy, disobey, and disrupt the patriarchy by knowing—and vowing—that you shall, will and can. feministgiant.com/p/moisturize-y…

Subscribe to FEMINIST GIANT.

It's free - no paywall or ads.

If you can pay, it helps keep it free

feministgiant.com

If you prefer to listen to my essay, I recorded an audio version

soundcloud.com/mona-eltahawy-… #MenopauseAwarenessMonth