Thread by @rsm

Here’s a 🧵of advice about relationships that has served me well lately in a tough moment and applies to all kinds of big life stuff like love, work, friends, family, etc …

People show you who they are and what they care about over and over. Pay attention and believe them. It is valuable to know where you stand, even when it feels bad.

Someone who chooses not to show up for you when the stakes are low will not show up for you when the stakes are high. You are not their priority.

Time is our most valuable treasure. Beware of people who repeatedly squander your time, who violate your time, or who cost you more time than the value they provide.

You really have two choices when it comes to people and situations that aren’t working for you: Accept them and/or change yourself. Changing others is impossible.

When we are in pain, it can be hard to see the ways people ARE showing up for us. Notice who checks in, who helps, who listens, who holds your insecurities close, who reminds you of your value. No one can fix our problems, but these are your real people.

We all have aspirational relationships. The folks with whom we aspire to be in relationships may not always aspire to be in relationships with us. This is normal, but understanding this dynamic is crucial for choosing how to invest.

Pay close attention to those folks who show up for you even when you have very little to offer them. They are investing in you, and these people are usually your actual mentors and sponsors. Be extremely careful with their time and energy.

You will have opportunities to show up for people who aren’t yet at your level too. Try it. It won’t always work out, but generosity and service always feels better and teaches me more. Some folks will zoom ahead of you! Some will become your greatest friends and allies.

As you grow, network less and relationship more. The value of weak ties diminishes with deep networks and defined purpose. We will always need fresh ideas and new people, but sustained mutual support with a few great humans is worth a million intros.

Try to give more than you take. You will go through hard times when this is impossible. That is ok. Fill the bank with good works when you can. Great people notice all the good you do and extend you good in return even when it doesn’t directly help them.

Gratitude goes a very, very long way in maintaining relationships. You can never thank someone too much for their love and/or support. Notice the good they bring and be generous with your praise.

Relationships are for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. All of these are normal and fine, but it hurts when we are misaligned. (I’m struggling through a friend breakup with someone I considered a lifetime friend. Super sad about it, but trying to stay grateful for our season.)

We are always choosing how to value and live our relationships through our choices and actions. We always have choice about how to spend our time and talent. We are blessed with people to spend it on.