Josh Hawley thinks men watch porn “because their masculinity is being criticized."
Porn — that great masculine self-esteem booster — in which “average penis size” is a niche fetish.
Ron Jeremy is basically the Mother Teresa of male empowerment amirite
Lemme break it down for you:
Josh Hawley’s wife told him she faked it, struggles with ED, and this is all just his preemptive strike to defend himself when she inevitably finds his stash of Latino twinks in the folder labeled “Jesus hates trans illegals.”
Call it a hunch.
I had a Josh Hawley-type relative [super religious, married to a woman, homophobic AF, etc.] ask me to fix his computer.
Cleaning his files, I opened a folder titled “Dicks Pics,” thinking it was the Grateful Dead — alas, reader, it was… not.
1) it was a joke 2) it wasn’t even the main joke 3) obviously not all homophobes are secretly gay 4) however, many homophobes are secretly gay 5) I’m speaking from anecdotal experience (my father) 6) see also:
What a radically insightful and possibly clairvoyant observation about the ideological evolution of American extremists after the decimation of the Order and the 1988 Ft. Smith acquittals oops I meant the vague and as of yet indeterminate future
You’re not even smart enough to be intellectually disingenuous.
I dislike Biden — but:
1) ISIS & the Taliban are enemies. 2) Reagan’s Cold War helped create the Taliban. 3) Trump invited the Taliban to Camp David on 9/11. 4) Bush’s bullshit Iraq war led to ISIS.
“Someone said ISIS so I’m going to bring up the Taliban to sound smart and score a bullshit partisan point, except I’m way too stupid to know they’re vicious enemies.”
Just say you hate Muslims and keep it moving, you greasy haired, sycophantic, bigoted buffoon.
“Biden gave the Taliban equipment LAWD HAND ME MY SMELLING SALTS oh if only we still had President Trump’s ethically unimpeachable penchant for giving Mohammed Bin Salman and the whole Saudi royal family endless weapons and copious rimjobs.”
Me: “I love my art studio because it’s a retreat from the world of heinous political violence and horror I’m immersed in working on 24/7.”
Also me:
nowhere near close to finished
Anyway, if and when I ever manage to finish this piece, getting a representative photograph is going to be impossible — given all the glass and mirrors.
Imagine pinning a Tweet about your dad being extorted over a pardon for your banging baby hookers habit — and thinking it vindicates you.
Side note: Matt Gaetz looks like a moldy melted candle.
Matt Gaetz is the stock image for “douchebag bank bro at the airport talking about his golf game on a Bluetooth headset, pathetically trying to impress everyone waiting at the gate while his fellow passengers silently pray they’re seated next to a colicky infant instead”