1/
The tone you took when communicating with me masked all that you were saying. The words tumbled out.
Short.
Cursory.
Stripped of the gentle pleasantries and deference that we all learned at some point.
Although clearly you’d learned other rules, too.
The tone you took when communicating with me masked all that you were saying. The words tumbled out.
Short.
Cursory.
Stripped of the gentle pleasantries and deference that we all learned at some point.
Although clearly you’d learned other rules, too.
2/
You were saying a lot of things but my mind wandered. I imagined myself a tall man with a tawny combover with greying temples. With wizened blue eyes and crow’s feet bursting outward on porcelain skin.
Would you be talking to me this way if I were him?
Hmmm.
You were saying a lot of things but my mind wandered. I imagined myself a tall man with a tawny combover with greying temples. With wizened blue eyes and crow’s feet bursting outward on porcelain skin.
Would you be talking to me this way if I were him?
Hmmm.
3/
Like, if he was me on paper but phenotypically him, you know?
A full professor who’d published things and built things and earned a reputation for his work. Who’d been a leader and who’d earned respect and who’d been doing this for a long time.
Would this be our exchange?
Like, if he was me on paper but phenotypically him, you know?
A full professor who’d published things and built things and earned a reputation for his work. Who’d been a leader and who’d earned respect and who’d been doing this for a long time.
Would this be our exchange?
4/
It’s a rhetorical question, really. Because I’ve had enough exchanges like this one to know the answer.
This flip switches. And we can always feel it when it does.
The deep down and implicit biases come out to play. And put me in my place.
My place.
It’s a rhetorical question, really. Because I’ve had enough exchanges like this one to know the answer.
This flip switches. And we can always feel it when it does.
The deep down and implicit biases come out to play. And put me in my place.
My place.
5/
Dad tells a story of when my grandad worked in the mine in Birmingham, Alabama. A man young enough to be grandad’s son spat words at him.
“Boy.”
First name only.
No honorifics.
But that was in the Jim Crow 1960s. Explicit and meant to put him in his place.
His place.
Dad tells a story of when my grandad worked in the mine in Birmingham, Alabama. A man young enough to be grandad’s son spat words at him.
“Boy.”
First name only.
No honorifics.
But that was in the Jim Crow 1960s. Explicit and meant to put him in his place.
His place.
6/
And though you did not call me “gal”. . . to me it felt just as explicit.
It did.
I fold myself into other sister colleagues. They nod knowingly and give me space to vent.
“No matter how high you climb this happens,” one said. “But those before us endured more.”
Okay.
And though you did not call me “gal”. . . to me it felt just as explicit.
It did.
I fold myself into other sister colleagues. They nod knowingly and give me space to vent.
“No matter how high you climb this happens,” one said. “But those before us endured more.”
Okay.
7/
Okay. But really? Not okay.
I saw it in our exchange, yes. But it is everywhere.
Over emails.
On news channels.
In everyday life.
That flipped switch. And that tone and indifference only reserved for those less important.
Short.
Cursory.
And common.
Okay. But really? Not okay.
I saw it in our exchange, yes. But it is everywhere.
Over emails.
On news channels.
In everyday life.
That flipped switch. And that tone and indifference only reserved for those less important.
Short.
Cursory.
And common.
8/
So here is my ask:
Run your words through a filter. Would you use this tone with the man you most respect? Address him this informally?
Or nah?
And I get it. Some people are just assholes. But sometimes—a lot of times—it’s more than that.
And it hurts.
So here is my ask:
Run your words through a filter. Would you use this tone with the man you most respect? Address him this informally?
Or nah?
And I get it. Some people are just assholes. But sometimes—a lot of times—it’s more than that.
And it hurts.
9/
And so. Now I’m starting my weekend by reflecting on my exchange with you. The one where that switch flipped. And your tone changed.
I still don’t know everything you said.
And so. Now I’m starting my weekend by reflecting on my exchange with you. The one where that switch flipped. And your tone changed.
I still don’t know everything you said.
10/
And then I turn on the news and get the sucker punch. Not guilty. All counts.
I stare at the ceiling and take the biggest drag of air that I can.
This shit is exhausting.
And then I turn on the news and get the sucker punch. Not guilty. All counts.
I stare at the ceiling and take the biggest drag of air that I can.
This shit is exhausting.
11/
So if you’re wondering? Like what it’s like and how it feels to be Black today? Just imagine all of this. Between clinic and Zoom meetings. Then you’ll know.
Yeah.
Let me go hug my babies. And tell them they matter until this world shows them otherwise.
#wetired
So if you’re wondering? Like what it’s like and how it feels to be Black today? Just imagine all of this. Between clinic and Zoom meetings. Then you’ll know.
Yeah.
Let me go hug my babies. And tell them they matter until this world shows them otherwise.
#wetired
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