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Oliver Willis Profile picture
@owillis
Nov 25, 2021 • 8 tweets • 3 min read • Read on X
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I was just about to note how weird dogs are and then Kal-El began furiously licking my forehead. The prosecution rests.
I have no privacy even when reading tweets
Other people: Oh I’ve trained my dog to do *all these wonderful things*

My dog: *literally walks all over me every day*

Me: “This is fine.”

But just look at him tho. It really is fine.
One of his favorite toys is these plastic keys. This is probably his fourth or fifth set cause I have to throw it out when he’s ground it down to nothing so it doesn’t splinter. He has too many toys but 🤷🏽‍♂️
I really don’t get any respect in this house.
I’m being bullied.
I might have purchased doggie ice cream as a treat for someone for the holiday tomorrow.
These kabobs are his favorite treat. Took a while to figure out which one he would consistently eat but these are the champions.

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More from @owillis

Oliver Willis Profile picture
Jun 26, 2023
these guys give the best fiction writing prompts. im serious. right wing conspiracies are the best.

"Teddy Roosevelt's mouth opened wide, bits of stone tumbling down the mountain, and through it emerged the Archangel of Leftism..."
Barack Obama pulled off his backpack at the base of Mount Rushmore. He reached in and pulled out the vial.
"Here, the blood of our enemies."
"All white, I presume," Michelle Obama noted with an air of blackery.
"As always."
Obama buried the blood and recited the Negro Anthem.
The smell of sulfur and Kenya filled the air. Obama smiled, like he smiled on the day he had ordered Operation Jade Helm.

Michelle Obama fell to her knees and prayed to God But Only for The Blacks.

The mountain rumbled. Lincoln's eyes flew open and beams of dark energy emerged.
Read 8 tweets
Oliver Willis Profile picture
Jun 23, 2023
Just indulge the whole right wing conspiracy crowd cause they’ll never stop.

The laptop with the decrypted Hunter Biden payoff video was on the sub, so were Trump’s stolen votes and Obama’s Kenyan birth certificate. Biden let it sink so it wouldn’t all come out. Duh.
The delay in reporting the sub implosion was so that the deep state clean teams could scrub all the incriminating evidence before the public found out. Biden has a bunch of ICBMs lined up on the White House lawn to take out future subs. No lie.
For years the Democrats have used a secret sub network to transport illegal secrets and evidence. There are at least 800 corpses for bodies of people Hillary personally killed at the bottom of the Marianas Trench.
Read 4 tweets
Oliver Willis Profile picture
Jun 23, 2023
The Orcas Have Done Nothing Wrong. #tohdnw
Do your own research and don’t buy the mainstream media’s anti-orca bias. #tohdnw
No orca ever denied me equal rights, no orca ever called me the n-word, no orca lied us into Iraq or Vietnam. #tohdnw
Read 4 tweets
Oliver Willis Profile picture
Jun 22, 2023
someone come form a libsploitation studio with me, where we make over the top movies with lib themes.

the first film will be about Woke, the sultry black assassin who takes down racist SOBs

the next film can be a scifi flick about Antifa Supersoldiers

and so on.
"Woke we need you to take down a new terrorist organization. They call themselves Gangsters On Patrol."

"That is one bad outfit. But I can dig it."

*soul singers*
"WOKE!"
"This cat is the head of the Gangsters. He's a sleazy real estate mogul they call Big Orange."

"Ain't no thing. I'll stuff his ballots and they'll call the race before the polls close."

*barry white*
"IM TALKIN' ABOUT WOKE!"
Read 4 tweets
Oliver Willis Profile picture
Jun 22, 2023
hack noah doesnt understand that the supreme court isnt supposed to be corrupt so he thinks its fighting back to write dishonest opeds in the wsj defending scotus corruption, grrr grrrr
"conservatives are fighting back by lying yet again instead of not being corrupt, im @NoahCRothman"
this is part of the "conservatives are just victims to the onslaught of the vicious left" fan fiction canon. meanwhile the left basically fights in the public arena with both hands tied behind its back.
Read 4 tweets
Oliver Willis Profile picture
Jun 22, 2023
thats because all of conservatism is always bullshit and always has been. its not based on *anything* but dumb vibes and the desire to hurt people. there's nothing actually there.

(and journalists generally refuse to operate this way and democrats fear saying so)
look, maybe its cause im just a simple guy and i think politics is no more complicated than a hammer hitting a nail, but the simple matter is no conservative approaches to anything make any sense. it never works. on any issue. so why keep pretending like they have something?
it isnt like tax cuts for the rich stimulate economic growth. or restricting the rights of minority groups - women, blacks, lgbtq - has ever done anything good for america. pretending science isnt real is bullshit. so why do we keep acting like theres something?
Read 5 tweets

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